Snow
by Last of the Loneliness
Summary: Children raised by misfortune grow into monsters. For Azula, perfection comes at a price. The childhood of the girl who would master lightning and lose herself along the way.
1. Eight Years of Azula

"Princess, you're not paying attention."

The guards marching by seemed quite uniform, but one of them had a foot out of step. Azula narrowed golden eyes at him, willing him to correct it, irritated by his inability to notice his failing. Only when the group of soldiers disappeared around the corner did she relax, her hands falling gently at her sides again.

"Princess, I fear bringing you outside for your lesson today may have been a mistake…"

The path they were sitting on contained several minute cracks in it, but otherwise the pavement was smooth. Somewhere nearby, a fountain was gushing water, a soothing and gentle sound. It wasn't a sound Azula liked.

"Princess!"

She turned to face him at last, an eyebrow raised. She was eight years of black hair and shining eyes, eight years of a flexible body and quick hands, eight years of the granddaughter of the Fire Lord.

"What?"

"You're not paying attention," her tutor repeated, pushing his glasses up further onto his nose as he reviewed his notes. "I'm afraid we'll need to return inside. The royal gardens are a bit too distracting for you, I think…In any case, we were speaking of your grandfather Azulon's conquest of—"

"His march on Bregell, yes, I know," Azula said impatiently. "He laid an impressive siege that was really a distraction, in the meantime swinging his forces around westward and striking at the city's weak point. After it fell, Ba Sing Se was the only important Earth Kingdom rallying point left, but despite all his efforts, neither he nor his children ever broke through those walls."

"…That's far ahead in the unit yet," he said. "We had only just reached Bregell's council in the history I was teaching you. You read ahead once more."

"The textbooks are rather more interesting than you," Azula said. "It's as if you're trying to make Grandfather sound as dull as possible."

"You will refer to the Fire Lord by his proper title, young Princess," the tutor said, standing and snapping his book shut. "Your lessons are over for today, but make no mistake. I will report these behaviors to your father."

He was as good as his word, but Azula wasn't afraid of these meetings with Ozai anymore. She had already gone through four tutors, each quitting in a relatively short period of time. It seemed to her that her father, as irritating as finding a new tutor was, almost liked the way she wrapped them around her finger, manipulating them into doing exactly what she wanted.

Her favorite had been the second tutor, a young firebending woman named Aliree. Aliree had attempted to use toys and games to coax the Princess "out of her shell." Azula liked the presents, but after she gave Aliree the burns, the woman had left in a hurry and never come back.

It was her fault. She had told Azula that Zuko's knowledge of the Air Nomads' destruction was greater than Azula's. Aliree was wrong.

After Ozai dismissed the tutor, he and Azula were alone in the room. Ozai had a magnificent set of chambers, though they paled in comparison to Azulon's. Ozai and Azula stood together on the balcony, her father staring out over the city while Azula leaned on a column.

"You've frightened off another tutor, Azula."

"Frightened him off? He's a grown man. If an eight-year-old girl scares him so much, it's a wonder he didn't destroy the entire military when he served."

She couldn't see her father's face, and his tone didn't change when he next spoke.

"That's the fifth one. I tire of finding replacements for you, as entertaining as each tale of woe is. If you possess such an inability to let yourself be educated at home, I will send you to school."

Azula grimaced. She wasn't a stranger to the idea; it had frequently occurred to her when each of the other tutors had been dismissed, but she still didn't like it. On the one hand, there would be others to compete with. Zuko was pathetically easy to beat at everything. On the other, she liked having the freedom to run about where she wished.

"What about my firebending lessons?"

"They will be taught at your school. As will everything else that you require. For the time being, Azula, you have outgrown tutors, for better or for worse. You may leave now. Your mother will inform you when your lessons are to begin."

Azula inclined her head before turning and leaving the room. Her brow was furrowed as she walked down the long halls toward her own room. The servants she passed all bowed briefly, but she ignored them.

As she turned onto the flight of stairs that led down toward her room, she heard familiar voices coming from the floor below. Azula snuck carefully along, not letting herself be overheard.

"I know you feel frustrated…but your progress is quicker than average for a student your age…"

"Quicker than average? I don't care about better than average! I can't face Father like this! Do you know what they gave me on the last firebending assessment? Satisfactory! Who am I kidding? I'll never be strong enough to graduate, let alone make my father proud."

"Zuko, your expectations are too high," the first voice said gently. It was a woman's voice, soothing and calm. "Ozai expects much of you, but you are still young. There is plenty of time to prove yourself. Just because bending doesn't come as easily to you does not mean you won't grow into it with time."

"I don't have time! I need to improve my skills now! I will make Father proud! Azula's five times the bender I am, and she's younger than me!"

Azula smirked. She had been wondering when her name would crop up. Zuko's voice was rising in pitch. He was getting more and more worked up.

"I will get better, Mother, I swear! Please, please ask Father about the private firebending teacher!"

A sigh. "…I don't know, Zuko."

"Zuzu!"

Azula emerged from her hiding place and jumped forward to hug her brother, wrapping her arms around his waist and blinking up at him, suddenly the picture of angelic sweetness.

"You're finally home from school! I have so much I want to talk to you about!"

Ursa smiled at her children. "Zuko, we can continue this conversation later. For now, maybe you'll feel better if you talk to your sister for a while."

"Mom, I don't—"

But Ursa lifted her skirts and swept out of the airy hall, off toward her husband's rooms. The room in which Zuko and Azula stood was a balcony that overlooked the city. It was also the conjoining room that connected all of their family's rooms with each other. Zuko and Azula were on the lower floor; Ursa and Ozai up above.

As soon as Ursa disappeared up the stairs, Zuko turned and glared at Azula.

"How much did you hear?"

"Please, Mother, please!" Azula said mockingly, tossing her bangs out of her eyes as she walked in a slow circle around Zuko. "I want a private firebending teacher! Azula's just too good for me!"

Zuko was fuming, his eyes narrowed. Azula dropped the imitation.

"I suppose you're not the best in your class at firebending anymore, huh, big brother? But I will be. I'll be the best firebender in the class…no, in the entire school."

"What are you talking about?" Zuko asked, his curiosity overcoming his hostility for the moment. "You don't go to school."

"Now I do," Azula sighed, resting her back against the wall. "My tutor got scared and ran off, and Father said he was tired of finding new ones, so now I get to go to school."

"Good for you," Zuko said curtly, turning away and heading down the hallway that led to both of their rooms. "I'll see you at dinner."

"Bye, Zuzu," she called after him, before leaning out on the balcony to look over the city. She wondered where her school would be and thought of the competitions that would surely await her…perhaps outsmarting her classmates would require a bit more effort than outsmarting her tutors.

The Fire Lord preferred to dine alone unless some sort of great banquet was required, and so Ozai and his family spent most of their meals together, just the four of them, in one of Ozai's rooms. The two children sat next to each other, across from their parents, and Azula spent many a meal seeing how many times she could elbow Zuko before he squealed to Ursa. His record was sixteen.

"Azula, your mother and I have determined to which school you are to be sent," Ozai rumbled, staring down the table at his daughter. "It is an elite academy reserved for the daughters of Fire Nation nobles. The Royal Fire Academy for Girls. You are to begin at the start of next week."

"Yes, Father," she said, inclining her head across the table.

"It is not far from here. You will be escorted by part of my private guard, and they will wait for you when you come home. I expect, of course, that you will perform your best."

Ozai silenced, done speaking for the moment. He took a bite of meat from his plate before his eyes fixed intently on Zuko. Azula's gaze drifted sideways to her brother as well, a small smirk forming on her lips. She thought she knew what was coming.

"You received the results of your last firebending assessment today, did you not?" Ozai said. Azula glanced up at Ursa. She was frowning, worried for her son.

"…Yes, Father," Zuko said at last, keeping his head bowed.

"And those results were?"

"I received…" An audible swallow. "S-satisfactory."

"Satisfactory," Ozai repeated slowly, his face masklike. "Satisfactory. My son, child of the greatest firebender the world has or will ever see, satisfactory? Did you even make an attempt, Zuko? Did you even try?"

He stood abruptly, shaking the table, darkening the entire room with his anger. It seemed to almost radiate off of him. When he next spoke, his voice was the same low rumble as thunder.

"To have my son—the son of a prince of the Fire Nation—do you know what this says to people, Zuko? It says that we are weak. A lesson that your uncle is actively trying to disprove in Ba Sing Se, and here you are, destroying our reputation here at home."

There was a long pause in which Ozai stood as still as a statue, and Zuko kept his head bowed. Azula glanced his way out of the corner of her eyes and thought she saw tears glinting on his cheek. The sight simply sent a thrill through her stomach, a feeling of excitement. A wish to see those tears fall, for Ozai to see them, for she knew that they would only anger him more…

"Perhaps I should teach you a lesson in firebending the hard way," Ozai said, slowly raising one hand. It was then, however, that Ursa intervened, grabbing his arm and looking at him with pleading eyes.

Ozai wrenched himself out of her grasp and swept from the room, Ursa following him. Their mother was uttering soft apologies for her son: "He had a bad day when he took it…" "His bending skills will surely improve…" "Additional training will take him up a level…"

Once they were out of earshot, Zuko slumped, burying his face in his hands.

"Ooh, Dad's really mad at you now," Azula said, leaning back and giggling. "He threatened to firebend you. Maybe I should instead."

"I could beat you at an Agni Kai any day!" Zuko said, leaping to his feet, standing with one fist raised in front of him, his face contorted with anger. "Bring it on! I'll take you down."

Azula stood more slowly, still laughing. "Zuzu, you're only kidding yourself. How do you think Dad would feel if you got beat by your little sister? That would be good for me, but I'm still a nice enough sibling to restrain myself."

"I hate you!" Zuko roared, throwing a wild fist toward her. A burst of flame came at her chest, but Azula easily dodged, watching as the fire disappeared harmlessly off of the balcony, looking like a shooting star against the night sky.

"That hurts my feelings, big brother," she said, walking away from him toward the door where her parents had disappeared. "I don't know why you need to be so angry all the time."

Zuko didn't follow her on her way back to their rooms, and she didn't hear him return that night as she lay awake, restless. She supposed he was wandering the palace, or maybe he had run away into the city to find somewhere private to cry.

She rolled over in bed, a contented smile on her face. It served him right.

* * *

**A/N: Hello, everyone! As a warning, this fic gets darker. Much, much darker. Though the rating is M, not all chapters are equally dark or triggering; I attempt to put warnings at the beginning of chapters that are worse than the others. If you want me to insert a trigger warning that I am currently not, feel free to send me a message/review and I will do my best to accommodate you.**

**For now, sit back and enjoy. We have six years with Azula yet...**


	2. The Odd One Out

Azula awoke at an early hour on her first day of school, but not out of nerves. She was determined to be prepared in every possible way. She was representing her family, and this was one of her first major introductions to the public. She was going to impress them, she swore to herself, whether the subject was history, firebending, or mathematics. She could do it all.

Two female servants attended her when she went into her bathroom. She sat in front of a shallow basin and leaned her head back. One of the servants poured warm water over her scalp from a narrow pitcher. Azula closed her eyes as both women began to massage herbal shampoo through her dark hair.

Having this treatment made her wonder exactly what Fire Lord Azulon got in the mornings. She knew her father had a whole host of servants specifically for attending to his personal needs, a handful of which he had designated to her and Zuko. Her brother, however, disliked using them. Azula couldn't imagine why. But then, Zuko always was prickly in the oddest ways.

Her thoughts drifted onward to the coming day. She had received a schedule by messenger hawk. The classes were all routine, similar to those she had taken under her tutors. Azula was far more interested in who she would meet at the school. She didn't need her father to tell her that she could make alliances—or enemies—here that would last the rest of her life.

Not that she was really worried about her enemies. She was confident in her bending ability, and even more so in her ability to deal with people. If she was able to scare off her tutors so easily, how much harder could a gang of youths her own age be?

The servants finished shampooing her hair, and they poured more water through it to wash the foam out. A few seconds later and she sat up impatiently. Her hair, still soaking, stained a dark patch on the back of her silk robe. She didn't mind; she would dry it later.

For now Azula returned to the small room that connected her chambers to Zuko's. When their parents were busy, the siblings usually ate their meals there. It was a balcony room, open and chilly at this time of morning. The sun was just beginning to appear over the horizon, and Azula could feel the fire in her veins burn hotter in response.

The servants had already set the table for her, and she noted that Zuko's spot was set as well. Sure enough, before she had even taken her first bite, her brother stumbled, tousle-haired, from his room.

"Good morning, Zuzu," she said sweetly, lifting her chopsticks to her mouth. Breakfast was a dish of hot grain stewed in milk. "It's nice to see you're still alive today."

"Shut up, Azula," her brother mumbled, sitting himself across from her and shoveling his food into his mouth.

"Don't you pay any attention to Mother? 'Eat your food slowly and regally, like proper royalty,'" Azula quoted, closing her eyes and sticking her nose in the air as she took her next bite. Zuko shot her a glare from across the table.

"I know how to eat, okay. Leave me alone."

Azula laughed but obeyed him. She was busy focusing her mind on the upcoming day, but taunting Zuko had certainly started her off on the right note.

As she finished her hot grains and started on a piece of bread, breaking off chunks to dip into her glass of water, the two servants returned.

"Excited for school?" Zuko mumbled. He stared across the table as one of the women began to comb out Azula's hair, the other fanning it to dry it. It seemed Zuko was forcing himself to make conversation with Azula. She wondered if Ursa had scolded him about their relationship again.

"Of course I am," Azula said. "Father had a long talk with me about friends and enemies and how my whole life starts here. It sounds rather dramatic. I hope we have an assessment soon."

Zuko visibly flinched. Azula laughed.

The women were finished combing out her hair. One of them gathered it into a bun, high on her head, while the other tied a ribbon about the base of the hairstyle. Two long strands fell down to frame her face.

"New hairstyle?"

"But of course, Zuzu. If I'm going out in public, I need a hairstyle that shows my lineage. The power of the Fire Lord."

Zuko rolled his eyes. "Isn't it a boy thing to tie the hair up?"

"So what if it is?" Azula asked, standing and walking back toward her door. "I'm making it my thing now. Anyone who complains can do it to my face, if they're brave enough."

She shut the door hard behind her.

* * *

Azula had never ridden in a palanquin before. Apparently it had taken a bit of wrangling on her father's part to win Azulon's approval for the idea, but Ozai was determined that his daughter not walk to school like any other person.

Azula was not likely to complain. Even if it was not the highest quality palanquin, it was gorgeous. The bronze poles that held the seat in place were shining brightly, reflecting the sunlight. The silk curtains were in the colors of the Fire Nation, as suited her. The guards that marched alongside her, bearing the poles, were wearing full armor.

She leaned back and closed her eyes, smiling. She knew that this was where she was meant to be. As she aged, she would gain more power—she would show everyone that the granddaughter of the Fire Lord could be as strong as the Fire Lord himself.

_This is my future_, she thought. _I will make it happen._

The walk to school from the palace was fairly quick—too quick for Azula, who was still enjoying the ride. But she supposed all good things must come to an end.

The guards stopped, and Azula slid open the curtains to look at her new school. It was a large building, probably five stories, with a grand set of doors that had dragons carved into them. Other children were milling around in front, several of them staring at her. Everyone was wearing the uniform—a fiery red tunic with embroidery on the hem over black shorts. Long crimson socks and the typical curve-toed Fire Nation shoes completed the look.

Azula took a deep breath, steadying herself. She ordered her nerves to calm. Social interaction was a crucial part of the royal lifestyle, and this was her first step to mastering it.

Or at least that was what she was telling herself.

She slid slowly out of the palanquin before jumping to the ground; the distance was too far for her legs to reach. She ignored the hand one of the soldiers offered her.

"We'll be back to pick you up at the end of the day, Princess Azula," one of the soldiers said, bowing and leading the others away. Azula watched them go, her eyes narrowed. When she turned back to see the school, she saw that the other students were still staring.

She ignored them. Azula strode straight forward, pushing the doors open with her own two hands. Their eyes still followed her.

_I'm a princess. It's only natural they stare…_

The inside of the building was equally grand. Statues and windows were everywhere, and the wooden floor was intricately inlaid with all sorts of designs. Azula wasn't impressed; growing up in a palace tended to give one a skewed sense of grandeur.

She found her first classroom without much difficulty. There were already other girls in there, all of them her age. Azula seated herself on a mat near the front, carefully kneeling and crossing her hands on her lap.

She was early, it seemed. Students continued to trickle in, until all the mats were filled. Finally, a gong rang from somewhere far away, and their teacher entered.

The woman in the front of the room was middle-aged, with a weary face and brown hair she had pulled back into a braid. She was wearing robes very different from their own uniforms. She crossed the room to her table and set a pile of papers on it, before she looked back up at them.

"Good morning, everyone."

"Good morning," the class chanted back.

"As you may have noticed, we have a new classmate joining us. Her name is Azula, and she is the granddaughter of our beloved Fire Lord Azulon. Azula, if you would stand?"

She did, casting her gaze around the room. They were all staring up at her—a girl with a round face and short hair, a girl with a long braid, a girl with long hair…

"Welcome to the Royal Fire Academy for Girls. My name is Lhan. You may call me Mistress Lhan. I trust you have your schedule?"

"Yes."

"Very well. If you have questions, ask your classmates before you ask me."

Azula nodded and sat back down.

The morning passed very quickly. The classes included math, history, and writing. They were all topics she had covered with her tutors, and she completed the exercises with ease. She would lay down her pen before the other students and look around at them haughtily. By lunchtime, she had the feeling that several of them were resenting her.

…_Pathetic. I thought there would be some competition here, but they're all as easy to beat as Zuko._

She had hopes that her afternoon would be more interesting, for that was when her bending classes were. Azula wouldn't be with the same classmates then, for not many of the girls in her class could bend. The ones who couldn't would attend instruction on hand-to-hand combat and weaponry.

The gong rang again to signal that it was time for lunch. Azula stood with her peers and walked out of the room. She followed the crowd to the lunchroom. It was a spacious hall, with large windows on one side. All of the other students, it seemed, had groups of friends to sit with.

Azula narrowed her eyes. She supposed that she could simply order someone to sit with her…_No. I am their princess. They will ask me if they deserve my company._

She looked at the line of students waiting in line to receive their trays of food. There were girls of all ages there. It looked like a long wait…

"Excuse you! Stop pushing!"

"Excuse me? Is there something you wanted to say to my face?" Azula turned to face the girl who had yelled at her, her golden eyes narrowed. The royal crest attached to her bun sparkled in the light.

"P-princess Azula! I didn't mean anything by it!" the girl stammered, backing up to give Azula room.

"You didn't, did you? Good." Azula turned to the counter. She was now the first in line, as it well should be. "I'd like extra onions, please, and with milk to drink instead of water," she said sweetly, smiling up at the man who was serving the food.

"Yes, Princess," he said, loading up the tray and handing it to her over the counter. She turned and strode away, back into the main room. Still no one approached her to ask her to sit with them…

Somewhere deep down, she began to feel uncomfortable.

"Princess Azula! Wow, it's really you! There were rumors that you were going to be here!"

Azula turned. There were two girls behind her, both older than her. They were smiling as they looked down at her.

"So tell us about your brother, Prince Zuko? He's a couple of years older than us," the other girl said. "I heard he's really emotional and nice."

Azula snorted.

"Is it true that when he sleeps, he doesn't wear anything more than a robe?"

"My brother, the wreck? My brother, the failure? I have to hear enough of his whining at home. I don't want to listen to you go on about him too." Azula was frowning.

"Oh," the girl said, blushing. There was an awkward silence.

"Er, Princess Azula…you look so much like your mother!" the other one said in a falsely cheery tone, trying to alleviate some of the tension.

"Don't ever say I look like her!" Azula snapped, turning away from them. "Leave me alone!"

She stormed out of the cafeteria, still carrying her tray. How dare they? How could they be more interested in Zuko than her?

She supposed that maybe he was _cute_.

* * *

Azula spent the rest of her lunch period walking around the school. She finished her lunch quickly enough and abandoned her tray on a bench. There weren't many other students around; they were all in the cafeteria or the courtyard.

The firebending classrooms were on the lowest floor, she discovered, and then each ascending floor dealt with a different age group of students. By the end of lunch, Azula could not only name where each bathroom was in the building, but also exactly what each history teacher put on their classroom's walls. She was the first into her classroom for the next period—Bending Theory. Azula was looking forward to her final class, when she would actually be bending, but it was better than doing equations she had learned long ago.

Many of the other students in this class were older than her. Azula supposed that there was only a limited supply of bending girls, and so they had to share classes. The teacher was also a woman, but she was younger than Lhan. Unlike Lhan, she didn't announce Azula's presence to the class.

"Today we are studying the affiliations of each bending style," she said abruptly, walking to the front of the room. She was short, but her presence made her seem bigger. "Who can tell me what that means?"

A girl behind Azula answered.

"Affiliations mean concepts or abilities associated with the elements."

"Correct. Now…"

The teacher strode to a piece of paper hanging on the wall. The symbols of each of the nations were drawn there, and underneath them were words too small to make out.

"Now, in your bending classes, you have been learning the forms of different bending schools. This is a furthering of that topic. Copy this down. The Water Tribes. Their physical attribute is flexibility. Waterbenders strike with great force. Their element is versatile and difficult to take a blow from. They change attack styles easily, and are able to manipulate both ice and water."

Azula watched the other girls scribbling down all around her and shook her head. Her notebook remained firmly tucked away inside of her bag, where it would stay during this class.

"A waterbender's emotional attribute is loyalty. Waterbenders are trustworthy and have strong bonds of companionship. This makes them difficult to deceive and difficult to turn them against one another. However, when they stand together, they fall together. This was a key strategy in the military's conquest of the Southern Water Tribe."

_Not really. The tribe was too weak to withstand the full force of the army thrown against them. The fact that they all stuck together might have helped bring them down, but it wasn't the 'key strategy.' _Azula closed her eyes and tried to remember the author of the book she had read about that very conquest. It had been interesting…

"The Airbenders. To speak of them seems quite pointless now, but this knowledge is still useful when bending. Their physical quality is speed—quick, flighty, and able to move at a moment's notice. Their emotional is creativity, the ability to make plans, to change them, to be open and ready for anything. It correlated strongly with their bending, making any airbender a fearsome foe."

"Excuse me, Mistress Karin, but why exactly is it important to learn about the airbenders? There aren't any left."

The speaker was the girl sitting directly next to Azula.

The woman turned to face the class again, blocking the poster from view. "A good question. Many firebending masters, including General and Crown Prince Iroh, are seeking to develop new styles of firebending through learning techniques of other benders—in this case, airbenders.

"Now, the Fire Nation…firebenders' physical attribute is power. Fire is deadly, and burns at the slightest touch. It can be far more dangerous to wield than the other elements, especially for the bender…as I'm sure you've all discovered."

Mistress Karin allowed herself a small smile while the students chuckled. Azula crossed her arms. She had only ever burned herself once, long ago, and still nobody knew about it. It was easy to hide burns on the legs.

"The emotional attribute of firebenders is ambition. Pure willpower. It is this drive that pushes them to accomplish incredible things, despite the odds. It is this drive that powers our army, right now, and our royal family, from Fire Lord Azulon to Lu Ten, Prince Iroh's son."

_Not all firebenders are incredible. The vast majority are just military grunts. It takes something special to go further. My brother's proof of that._

"And finally, earthbenders. Our greatest foes in the war. Their physical attribute is defense, which is why it has taken so long to break down the walls of Ba Sing Se, a task that hopefully now Prince Iroh shall compl—_why are you not taking notes_?"

Mistress Karin was suddenly looming right over Azula, and for a short woman she looked very, very tall.

"Why do I need to? I knew everything you just said when I was six. Earthbending's mental attribute is determination—some would call it obstinacy. Rather similar to ambition, isn't it? That's why, when the all-out war against the Earth Kingdom started, my grandfather ordered the historians to change the books."

Azula stood, keeping her arms crossed. She didn't even dignify Karin with looking at her while she continued.

"Earthbending's original physical attribute was endurance. It was changed to defense because someone thought defense sounded weaker—you can break though a defense, but if the person behind it has endurance…so, the original earthbending attributes were endurance and determination, but look at any textbook now and they'll tell you defense and steadiness. Don't you think that making the earthbenders out to be weaker than they are is counterproductive, Mistress Karin?"

The room was utterly silent. Everyone's eyes were fixed firmly on the princess and the teacher, waiting to see Karin's reaction.

For a few seconds, Karin simply stood in place. Then she turned, walking slowly back to her desk. She wrote something quickly on a piece of paper and handed it to Azula.

"You are clearly in the wrong class, Princess," she said. Her lips were drawn thin. "Take this to Master Shen downstairs."

Azula picked up her bag and slung it over her shoulder. She snatched the piece of paper from Karin's hand and disappeared out the door.

_I hate school._

* * *

Zuko had just gotten home himself when he heard loud footsteps from the hallway. He set down his bag on his bed and opened his door to see Azula, standing in the middle of the room, fuming.

"Um…how was your first day of school?"

Azula glared at him. It was frightening. For an instant, she looked unhinged. "Oh, just fine, Zuzu. I got assigned with an individual firebending master because I outrank all the other idiots. I showed everyone up. Everyone was in awe of me, as they should be!"

"Then what's wron—"

"I don't care about you, Zuzu! No, I don't, but every other girl in the kingdom does! 'Oh, Azula, tell us about your brother!' 'Does he get in trouble as often as you do?' 'How often does he shower?' Why do they care so much about you?! I'll bet you have _friends_ at that stupid school of yours!" She spat out the word as if it were poisonous. "Everyone loves Zuzu. Everyone wants to be like Zuzu. I suppose everyone just wants to be a failure!"

She glared at him one last time before she opened the door into her own room. "Oh, and one more thing—_I only wear a robe when I sleep too_."

Azula slammed the door behind her.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reads this! I love all of you!**


	3. Work and Talent

"Show me what you can do, then, Princess."

Azula stood with her hands at her waist, eyes closed, breathing in and out as she pictured the same routine that she had done every day for more than two years. She pictured the forms, mentally moving through them…as graceful as a dancer, as lethal as a tiger-wolf…

Her golden eyes snapped open; she began to move. The Phoenix. Rising Sun. Firestorm. She moved into the forms one after the other, transitioning with pure grace. Fire spun about her, completely enveloping her, but she could barely feel the heat.

Sundancer. Star's Fire. Volcano. Some of them were basic forms, the first young firebenders learned, while others were far more advanced. No one had taught her this combination; she had pieced it together herself.

Awakening. Fierce Light. Ruiner. Indeed, the movements were so graceful that they strongly resembled a dance, if far more dangerous. Flames shot out from Azula in every direction, though they were perfectly controlled as to not leave the faintest scorch mark on any of the walls.

Then, finally, the sequence was over. Azula moved into the final form—Salamander—and extinguished her fire, before coming back to stand in the same position she had initially stood in, this time with her eyes open, waiting for her master's approval.

Master Ko Shen was the youngest of the school's firebending teachers, and he looked only a bit older than Azula's cousin, Lu Ten. Yet he was supposedly the most skilled in any case, which was why they had been paired. He had a clean-shaven face and was well-groomed, but the incessant smirk that hovered about his lips coupled with the brows that hung like shelves over his eyes combined to make him seem untrustworthy all the same.

"I see that your teachers were not lying when they said you were an outstanding bender," he said, smiling slightly. "Impressive, Princess. A bit disappointing, perhaps, but impressive nonetheless."

"…Disappointing?" Azula repeated, her eyes instantly narrowing. She tensed automatically. "Please, Master, explain."

"The forms you just displayed...they were of varying difficulties, and doubtless that combination took skill to put together…yet, Princess, I would have expected more from you than forms that others gave you. You work the fire with utter control, with rigidity…there was little imagination in that display."

"Imagination."

"Correct." Ko Shen smiled again, his eyes piercing into hers as if he knew exactly what she was thinking. She didn't look away. "So. Princess. Doubtless you could master any form I give you in a matter of minutes. We'll get to that—a wide knowledge of forms is a good base—but for now we are going to work on your creativity.

"Therefore, I want you to create your own form. Right now, right here in front of me. I'll tell you if it is a form that already exists."

With that, Ko Shen seated himself against the far wall, his arms crossed over his chest as he observed her.

Azula watched him for a few more seconds before looking away, thinking. She was still smarting from his nerve—calling her perfect combination disappointing—but what was important right now was the task at hand.

She focused and thought, her mind racing through the different patterns she knew. _A new form…a new style…_

Azula jumped, a wall of fire spinning around her as she flipped and threw the fire toward Ko Shen with her hands. He dissipated it and smiled.

"Desert. It's a real form."

Again. Azula twisted her hands together, releasing them in a mighty fireball.

"Butterfly. Try harder, little Princess."

Again. Again. Again. Fire flew about the room, wild and uncontained, some in styles Azula had never even thought of before. But each time, Ko Shen shook his head, calmly stating the name of a form.

Azula was panting, frustrated. A strand of hair was loose in front of her eyes, but she ignored it. She needed to do this.

His words echoed in her head. _Creativity…imagination…_

And an idea struck her, different from the other forms in a single key way. Her golden eyes widened and she jumped again, fire blossoming not from her hand but from her foot. She landed perfectly, the flames rushing out in a column.

Ko Shen's smile widened. "That's more like it, Princess."

Azula smiled herself, basking in his praise. She straightened, pushing her hair back behind her ear, and was abruptly furious with herself for not fixing it before she performed the move. "Did I just invent my own form?"

"Actually…no. It's called the Hawk. But in all truth, I was not really expecting anything completely new. I wanted to see what you could come up with…and look, you taught yourself several forms along the way."

Azula considered his words. She almost considered it a taunt—she could come up with a new form, she was sure of it—but it was true that the exercise had benefitted her.

"Good."

Later that evening, Azula lay alone in her room, on her bed. The curtains were closed and there were no lights lit, but the room wasn't dark. Azula was conjuring fire, whizzing it about above her head, entertaining herself by watching the orange spin and spin and spin…

Her mind was working as well, a machine that had been going ever since her practice with Ko Shen earlier that day. She was determined now to invent an utterly new form, but however hard she tried, her mind seemed to fall back on old ideas, other forms, ones she had already mastered.

There were voices coming faintly from outside the chamber.

Azula's heart beat faster and the fire went out. She was alone in the dark.

She stood slowly and crossed to the door, but the sound was still too quiet to properly hear. Azula opened her door carefully, making sure it didn't squeak.

She was hearing her parents' voices, coming from the other side of the wall. They were standing in the courtyard outside, the courtyard that connected their rooms with hers and Zuko's.

Ozai's voice was raised, a rumble of thunder. He was angry.

Azula dug her nails into her arm. She feared her father's anger more than almost anything else. She closed her eyes. _You're all right. You're all right. As long as he doesn't catch you, you're all right…_

"—you want to instruct me on how to raise my daughter, is that what you're trying to say?"

"She's my daughter too—and no, Ozai! I just think that maybe some of your, er, techniques are turning her into something that she shouldn't be!"

"What, exactly, am I turning Azula into?"

A pause.

"A _monster_! Last week I caught her setting fire to a hawk that flew too close to her head. She didn't even blink! Don't tell me you think that's normal."

A monster. Azula's grip on her arm tightened.

"…I think that Azula will make a deadly warrior one day. But as long as we're on the subject of our children, what about your precious little Zuko?"

"Don't bring Zuko into this!"

"Why not? Don't you think that his marks at school speak of exactly what you've done to him? You've coddled him so much that he thinks mediocre is acceptable!"

"Putting more pressure on him will simply cause him to break down!"

"Really? The pressure never seemed to do Azula any harm. Perhaps it's just that my daughter is a diamond, while your son is an ordinary rock."

"Why do you dislike Zuko so much? Does he reflect all the qualities that you were never able to possess?"

There was the vicious sound of flesh hitting flesh, and then a brief cry of pain from Ursa.

"How dare you speak to me that way?" Ozai's voice was no longer raised, but quiet, deadly, a whisper that promised worse things to come.

Ursa didn't respond. For a long time there was silence, and Azula almost wanted to creep around the corner and see what was happening…almost.

"Get out of my sight."

Ursa obeyed so quickly that Azula barely had time to react; her mother swept by in a flurry of crimson robes, heading for the stairs, and then Ozai followed. He stood and watched Ursa go for long seconds. Azula stood, frozen against the wall, not daring to move and hardly daring to breathe. Finally, Ozai turned his head slightly, his eye in profile fixing on Azula before he followed his wife more slowly.

_He saw me, didn't he. He saw me. But maybe he wasn't angry._

Over the next week, Azula saw very little of her father. Most of their meals involved her and Zuko alone, which often ended with Zuko in a temper and Azula irritated. Ursa tried to cover the bruise on her face as best she could, but the ugly purple mark was difficult to hide.

Azula wondered whether Zuko was smart enough to guess where Ursa had gotten it. Knowing him, he would prefer to delude himself.

When they saw Ursa, she was not herself. She spoke little, even to Zuko, and spent as little time with them as possible. Azula supposed she was trying to shield Zuzu from the truth, that Ozai had given her that bruise. But Ursa couldn't protect Zuko forever.

On the night before she started her second week of school, news came from a messenger hawk. Ba Sing Se had thrown back the offensive, and an elite group of earthbenders were tearing through the Fire Nation's army, splitting it into two camps that could no longer communicate. At the news, Azulon grew angry, while Ozai was still impassive.

Their uncle, the letter assured them, was still very much alive and in charge.

_A pity_, Azula thought. She wouldn't have minded much if the note had told them Iroh was dead.

Her next day started off badly. For one thing, one of her usual servants had gotten ill, and the one who was left was nearly incompetent by herself. It took so long just to tie Azula's hair up that the princess considered throwing fire at the woman, though she controlled her temper.

What was more, Zuko was looking unusually happy, which poisoned Azula's mood further. She hated seeing him like that, especially when she was not in a good mood.

By the time her palanquin arrived at the school, her palms were almost itching to hit someone, throw fire at someone, anything. The anger was bubbling right there below the surface, and she knew that if it didn't come out in her actions, it would in her words.

She hoped that Ko Shen would have them spar that day. She was sure she could beat him.

The morning crept by more slowly than a turtle-duck on land. Azula, for once, didn't answer every question. She sat back and glared at anyone who looked at her.

She just wanted to go home.

But fate, it seemed, had other plans.

She was sitting alone at lunch, outside. Normally she ate quickly before wandering around, not wanting to have to watch the other girls talk to their friends—but today Azula found she didn't have the energy. She sat alone with her back to the building and picked at her food.

"You're looking awfully purple today!"

The voice was so chipper and sudden that Azula jumped. Her tray fell over, landing upside-down in the grass, her food suddenly everywhere.

Azula was jumping to her feet, turning to face the other girl, her golden eyes full of fire. Yet, somehow, when she saw the other face, she found that she couldn't bring herself to raise a finger against her.

The girl had a round face and large eyes. She was smiling, now apologetically, and had long hair pulled back into a braid.

"I'm sorry about your lunch!" she said. "I didn't mean to scare you! I just saw that you were looking purple and I wanted to see what was wrong."

Azula took a quick glance at her outfit before looking back at the girl. "I—what—we're wearing the same thing! I'm not wearing anything purple!"

"Oh, silly, I don't mean your clothes," the other girl said, balancing on one foot and spinning in a circle without losing her balance. "I meant your aura. Usually it's a nice lavender, but today it's much darker. So I wanted to see what was wrong!"

"You can see auras," Azula said doubtfully, looking the other girl up and down. She was around Azula's height. Now that Azula thought about it, she recognized the girl from her morning classes, but for the life of her she couldn't remember her name.

"Maybe I can and maybe I can't," the other girl said cheerfully. "But you looked upset. I'm Ty Lee, by the way!"

"I see. My name is—"

"You're Princess Azula, of course!" Ty Lee said. "I remember the first day you came to school, and you looked so much prettier than you do in all the paintings! But you seemed kind of scary, so I didn't talk to you then."

Azula didn't know what to say. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat. _Frightening. Skillful. Talented. Deadly._ She had been called so many other things in her life, but never once had anyone called her pretty.

Not even her mother.

"…It's nice to meet you, Ty Lee," Azula said, after a long pause. "You aren't a bender, are you? I haven't seen you in any of the bending classes."

"Nope, I'm not," Ty Lee said cheerfully. "I don't really mind though! It's fun just being an acrobat. I don't want to have to deal with cartwheeling while throwing fire. That's kind of tough. But you're a bender, obviously! All of the royal family are! I don't think…would you mind showing me something?"

"Of course I will," Azula said, smiling. For once, someone was actually asking her to show off. She spread her legs into a low, powerful stance, and then twisted, fire blazing around her in a circle before she shot it all into the sky. Ty Lee watched, her eyes and mouth wide as she watched the flames twist about.

"Wow! I've never seen that form before! What's it called?"

"Dancer. I thought you would like it. You said you were an acrobat, so…"

"Well, I'm not really an acrobat. I don't have a job with the Fire Lord's Players or anything. I'm just really flexible, and my mom calls me an acrobat. It's kind of like a nickname, and it stuck."

"Acrobat? I like Ty Lee better. It's nice."

"Thanks!" Ty Lee said, beaming. "You know, the other day my sister said—"

She was interrupted by the gong that signaled the end of the lunch period. Neither of them moved for a few seconds, still simply looking at each other.

"I have to go train with Ko Shen," Azula said finally.

"Yeah, I have to go to weapons classes," Ty Lee said. "Hey, let's eat lunch together tomorrow!"

"Okay!"

And the offer, again, meant more than Azula could say.

That night, for the first time in several days, Ozai and Ursa ate dinner with their children. The bruise was still clear on Ursa's face, and its dark coloring seemed to spread throughout the room. The meal was tense and silent.

Zuko refused to meet his father's eye. He was still smarting from Ozai's last rage and didn't want to incur more anger from Ozai.

Azula might have imagined it, but Ursa seemed quieter, more docile, more obedient. She did spoke very little and ate barely at all. She kept her eyes trained on Zuko, like he was a preserver keeping her above the waves.

Azula refused to look straight at her mother. She hadn't forgotten Ursa's words.

_Azula is a monster._

Then the meal was done and the servants cleared away the dishes, and Ozai signaled that he wished for Ursa and Zuko to leave. Azula remained sitting on her knees, waiting for her father, on the other side of the table, to speak.

"My brother is closer to breaking through the walls of Ba Sing Se than any general the Fire Nation has ever seen," Ozai said finally. He wasn't looking at Azula. He seemed to be speaking more to himself than to her.

"Yes, Father."

"But somehow, I still don't think he'll succeed."

Azula remained silent. She didn't know what her father wanted her to say.

"My brother does not have the will to press on, nor the creativity," Ozai said, his eyes narrowing. "He is, in many ways, weak. Do you know why I am telling you this, Azula?"

"No, Father," Azula said, though she had a hope of what he might be getting at.

"My brother is much like your brother," Ozai said, meeting her eyes for the first time. His gaze burned like the fire he controlled, but Azula didn't look away. "Zuko has been coddled. He had potential, maybe, once, but now his mother has ruined him.

"But you are my child, Azula. You follow my path, the path of my father, the path of Sozin. You have fire in your blood, and someday you will have lightning."

Lightning. The mere word excited her, for the ability to bend the strange force of storms was coveted by almost all firebenders, and yet possessed by so few. But Azula knew that Ozai was right—one day she could bend the sky.

"I will, Father."

"Azula, you must swear to me. You will not be weak like Zuko. You will not let emotions get in your way. You will be a better bender than my father, than my brother. Perhaps someday you will surpass me. But Azula, weakness can tear that away from you. Kindness…love…perhaps they really are obstacles. Perhaps, when I met Ursa, I was just confused…"

His gaze drifted off again and Azula simply sat there as if petrified, all thought of Ty Lee gone as she watched her father's eyes burn golden.

"Promise me, Azula. You will do as I say."

"I will."

* * *

**A/N: Chapter three is here! Please, leave reviews for this author's hungry soul! Tell me what you liked, what you didn't, whatever! Concrit is my life's blood. Also, if you like this fic, you may want to try Promises Kept, a oneshot I wrote also featuring Azula.**

**Hope you enjoyed!**


	4. The Deceiver

For the first time since she had arrived at the school, Azula ate inside. She and Ty Lee shared a table close to the huge windows, looking out at the grounds. The school had a beautiful courtyard where the physical classes often trained, though Azula had not been out there yet.

"Are you excited for the upcoming Fireball game?" Ty Lee asked, leaning on one hand and observing Azula's face. Azula took a bite of her fish before answering.

"What's Fireball?"

"Once a month, the boys from the other Academy come down, and there's a big showdown game where it's girls against boys. Only the oldest students are allowed to participate, but it's usually fun to watch!" Ty Lee said brightly.

"Watch." Azula snorted. "Things aren't fun to watch, Ty Lee. Things are fun to do."

"If you say so," Ty Lee said, taking a sip of her drink.

"So if you're eating with me now, who did you sit with before?" Azula asked, her golden eyes piercing into Ty Lee's as she waited for the answer, even if she wasn't quite sure she wanted to hear it.

"Oh, usually I just sat with a group of girls from our class," Ty Lee said, shrugging. "It was better than sitting alone, I guess…not that there's anything wrong with sitting alone!" she added hastily, seeing the look on Azula's face.

Azula stared thoughtfully out the window. "I would much rather sit alone than sit with people as a way to get by."

"Does that mean sitting with me is better than sitting alone? Yay!" Ty Lee grinned and took another drink. Azula rolled her eyes.

"I didn't say tha—"

Azula was interrupted by a commotion on the other side of the cafeteria. It seemed a girl had taken someone else's tray and thrown it onto the ground. A group of older girls were now standing around the girl, shouting and laughing at her.

The girl in the middle of the circle was tall, with short black hair and straight bangs to match. Her bangs hung over her eyes, giving her the appearance of being incessantly gloomy. She stared blankly at her tormentors, refusing to give them the slightest satisfaction.

"Did you really just tell us that a prince wouldn't look twice at me?" the ringleader of the gang asked, shoving the black-haired girl. "Please. Not only am I better looking than you, but at least my father serves in the military. What does yours do? Sit at home, counting money?"

"My father has nothing to do with me," the girl said quietly, though her words were drowned out by the other girl's.

"Well, if you think you're so worthy of Zuko, why don't we fight for him? I challenge you to an Agni Kai."

Her friends laughed along with her as the girl they were bullying blinked slowly.

"I'm not a firebender."

"Oh, right, I forgot. Well, you'd better just use your hands and hope the burns aren't too bad, huh?"

"All right. I accept your challenge." It was a new voice that spoke now, and all the girls in the gang turned to face Azula, who stood at the edge of their circle, a hand on her hip and a smirk on her face. Ty Lee was just behind her, watching with bright curiosity in her eyes.

"What do you mean, Princess?" the ringleader asked cautiously, her eyes roving over the two of them.

"I don't suppose you would know this, but in one of the great volumes containing the many rules of an Agni Kai, there is a provision stating that, should a non-bender wish to fight a firebender in an Agni Kai, they may choose a firebender to fight for them. So I choose to fight for this girl here. It seems only fitting, after all. I suppose I must defend little Zuzu's honor against you."

The group murmured among themselves, but the girl in charge stepped forward. "Fine, Princess. I'll take you on. Just don't be surprised if you lose. I am older than you, after all…"

Azula smiled sweetly. "Oh, I wouldn't dream of being a sore loser. Mainly because I wouldn't dream of being a loser at all…but let's see what you can do."

The older girl's eyes narrowed and she struck, launching into one of the more advanced forms. She jumped, spinning fire around her hands before throwing it at Azula. It was clear that she was, in fact, a talented firebender.

But talent was not enough to win an edge against the Princess. Azula surrounded herself with a wall of fire, easily blocking the attack, before she jumped forward, blasting a column of fire toward her opponent.

The girls surrounding them jumped back, and all around the cafeteria people were standing up to watch.

"Ag-ni-Kai! Ag-ni-Kai!" someone chanted.

The other girl leaped aside to avoid the attack, but the fire caught the edge of her shoe and set it alight. She swore aloud but didn't slow down. The next fireball was larger than the last, but Azula was already bored of the contest.

She slid gracefully down onto the floor and rolled under the fire. She gained her footing again, and a wall of fire was blasting toward her opponent, too big to avoid.

The other girl attempted to block, but her knowledge of the forms required to do so wasn't good enough. The wall of fire hit her full on.

The scream was loud enough that surely the whole school heard it.

Azula jumped, fitting the form called the Hawk, and landed lightly on the other girl's chest, her foot resting on her throat.

"I assume you yield."

Her opponent's skin was covered in vicious burns. Her eyelids fluttered to even open, and though her mouth moved, no sound came out.

Azula smiled and stepped off of her, back to Ty Lee. The black-haired girl, the one they had been bullying, was standing with her.

The ring of watchers was completely silent. Some of them began to scatter, heading to their tables or away to their classes before the adults showed up.

"Wow, Azula," Ty Lee said, attempting a smile. "That was, uh, really something."

"I can hardly believe she was foolish enough to challenge royalty to a duel," Azula snorted. "As if she could have won. I hope she learned that age certainly isn't a replacement for skill. Anyway. Who are you exactly?" She turned to the black-haired girl.

"Mai," she said. Her voice was surprisingly flat, given what she had just seen. She hesitated an instant before nodding. "I guess I should thank you for stepping in."

"The girls won't bother you if you stand up for yourself," Azula said contemptuously. "If you act like a doormat, they'll step all over you."

"My mother doesn't like me to make commotion," Mai said under her breath. Azula opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, the cafeteria doors burst open.

In marched what looked like a majority of the staff of the academy, the headmaster in the lead. The students cleared a pathway for them.

One man rushed immediately to the side of the fallen girl, checking first her pulse and then turning her over to look at the burns. "She's alive, Headmaster, though unconscious. I'll take her back to my office right away and see what I can do for her."

The headmaster nodded curtly before turning to face Azula. Ty Lee and Mai, on either side of her, shrunk back, but Azula was determined to hold her ground.

"Princess Azula, I hear you fought an Agni Kai with this girl."

"I did. What of it?"

"Any sort of dueling, unless it is strictly supervised, is forbidden within school grounds. You should know that. But furthermore…" His eyes flashed. "Such a display of ruthless violence is both uncalled for and unnatural. Your parents must be notified, and for now you are suspended from school activities."

"Don't you think it would be far more apt to suspend the idiot who lost the duel? Rather than losing an exceedingly talented student such as myself, you would get rid of a hopeless failure who got involved in a fight she couldn't hope to win."

"That is neither here nor there, Azula!" the headmaster said angrily. "This is not a war academy. We are not training soldiers. We are training capable young ladies! I will not tolerate senseless displays of brutality here! Now come along to my office. You may remain there until your parents come to pick you up."

Azula followed him as he exited the room, glancing over her shoulder at Mai and Ty Lee. Ty was waving goodbye, an apologetic look on her face.

Ahead of her and the headmaster, a group of the staff had put the other girl onto a stretcher and carried her in a different direction. Azula watched them go. The sight gave her a thrill.

_Display of ruthless violence…senseless display of brutality…even the headmaster agrees that I'm dangerous. Serves them right._

As it turned out, however heinous a criminal the headmaster believed her to be, he was reluctant to punish the Fire Lord's granddaughter without permission from the Fire Lord himself. So Azula was left sitting alone on the floor outside of his office, with Ko Shen assigned to watch her.

Her firebending mentor seemed to take the whole matter very lightheartedly. When she had first seen him, he had simply shaken his head and laughed.

"To be honest, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner," he had said. Then the headmaster had scolded him for talking to Azula, and ever since that, Ko Shen stood silently just outside the door, though Azula saw him glance her way every few minutes.

She was focusing deliberately on a single point on the far wall, and conjuring tiny flames without looking away. Slowly she was improving, and soon she was able to throw the fire wherever she wished without moving her gaze. The flames needed to remain small, though, or Ko Shen would surely reprimand her.

Then, finally, the monotony was broken. Azula heard footsteps coming down the hall toward them, and a young man wearing the staff uniform hurried past Azula and Ko Shen, disappearing into the headmaster's office.

A few seconds later, both men emerged and swept down the hallway. Azula watched them go. She supposed her father was here, and it was only proper that the headmaster go to greet the son of the Fire Lord.

But when the headmaster returned, he wasn't escorting Ozai.

"Mother?" Azula sighed. Now she was certain to get a lecture on the morality of throwing fireballs at the other students. Nobody even seemed to care that the other girl had been picking a fight.

"Azula, come in here right now." Ursa marched over to her daughter and grabbed her arm. "Headmaster, is it all right if we borrow your office?"

"Of course, milady Ursa," the headmaster said, bowing.

Ursa tugged Azula into the room and closed the door behind them. Azula glanced around the room and noticed chairs, but it seemed Ursa wasn't about to let her sit.

"I received a messenger hawk saying that you brutally attacked another student. Is this true?"

"No," Azula said, widening her eyes. From an early age, she had learned that Ursa responded best when told what she wanted to hear, rather than the truth. "This group of girls was bullying someone, and then their leader challenged her to an Agni Kai! She couldn't firebend, so I stepped in…I really should have gone to a teacher, shouldn't I have?"

She turned her head to one side, perfectly faking distress. "I didn't really mean to hurt her! I just wanted to make sure she wouldn't bully that poor girl ever again! Honest, Mom! But I wanted to use the cool new forms I've been learning, and I guess my teacher hasn't taught me control enough."

Azula glanced up. Her tactic seemed to be working; Ursa's expression was slowly morphing from anger into concern. She locked eyes with Ursa.

"I'm really sorry! I know I shouldn't have taken things into my own hands…I was just caught up in the heat of the moment! And now part of me doesn't feel guilty, and I hope she learned her lesson…but that part scares me too, Mom. I know I've let you down, just please forgive me?"

Ursa met her daughter's gaze with concern, still lined with the faintest edge of suspicion. "That's not what the headmaster told me."

"Because no one would listen to me!" Azula burst out, her eyes widening. "I tried to tell them, but the headmaster just dragged me away without asking me for my side of the story! Besides, everyone at this school hates me. They probably lied to get me on the headmaster's bad side! I only have one friend…well, two, if the girl I helped wants anything to do with me…"

Then Azula lowered her head into her hands, sniffling as she forced real tears to drip down her palms. When she looked up, her eyes were red.

"Oh, Azula." Ursa's motherly inclinations won out over her mistrust of her daughter and she hugged her, pulling Azula close into her chest. "I'm so sorry you feel that way. You're right. This isn't fair. Don't worry. I'll make sure you aren't suspended for this. It was just an honest mistake, I'm sure. If anything, maybe we should blame that firebending master of yours."

"N-no," Azula sniffled. "Don't blame Ko Shen. It's my fault. It's all my fault. I should have been more careful. What will Daddy say?"

"Shh, shh." Ursa gently rocked Azula back and forth, murmuring into her daughter's hair. "I'll take care of everything, Zula. Ozai loves you. He won't be angry with you. I promise."

Slowly Azula's sniffles quieted, until finally she was composed once more. "Do I have to go back to school today?"

"No, of course not," Ursa said soothingly, slowly opening the door. "We'll just go home, and you can take a bath with some calming tea to drink. Your Uncle Iroh sent a new kind of Earth Kingdom tea just the other day…"

"Okay," Azula said, following her mother out the door. _Tea from dear old Uncle? Please._

The headmaster stepped forward to greet them, glancing from Azula's tear-streaked face to Ursa's stern look. Before he could speak, Ursa drew herself up, and for an instant looked quite majestic, even in Azula's eyes.

"Thank you for informing me of this farce, Headmaster. I'm astounded that you would have the gall to accuse the granddaughter of the Fire Lord with such an act. I was under the assumption that you were a reputable man. I trust all charges against my daughter will be dropped, and I assure you that, should you attempt to accuse Azula of anything else, you will receive a visit from my husband."

Ursa swept past all the staff members, her red robes flowing behind her. "Good day."

* * *

Azula was lying on her bed, reading an old tome on firebending theory, when a servant knocked on her door. It was much later that night, long after dinner, after the sun had set. Outside, the stars glinted brightly.

"Princess Azula, your father, Prince Ozai, has summoned you," the servant said, bowing. "Please follow me to his chambers."

"I can find them myself, thank you," Azula said, shutting the book and climbing off her bed. She could never stand walking with servants; they were too slow and too obsequious. It was irritating.

"As you wish, Princess." The man bowed again and left the room. Azula checked her reflection in the mirror; it was always better to look her best when she saw her father.

Zuko and Ursa were nowhere to be seen, and Azula quickly reached her father's chambers on the floor above. As he was Azulon's son, his rooms were very impressive. Ursa had her own set, connected, though smaller. Castle rumor, flitted from loose-tongued servant to drunk guard, had it that Ursa and her husband never shared a bed anymore.

Azula took a breath and then knocked on Ozai's door. It was carved with dragons and inlaid with gold. The door itself seemed to shimmer, as if it were on fire.

"Come in, Azula."

She opened the door and stepped inside.

Ozai's anteroom had a high ceiling and red silk draped all across the walls, embroidered with all creatures of fire, who danced across the fabric as if they were alive. There were several doors in the walls, which led to his other rooms. There were several golden chairs in the center, as well as pillows and cushions. Ozai was sitting against the wall.

"Come sit down."

She obeyed, sitting on her knees across from him. She bowed, as was custom, and then raised her head. Golden eyes met golden eyes.

"Yes, Father?"

"Your mother told me about your incident today. She said you were involved in an Agni Kai with another student."

"Yes." Azula saw no point in lying.

Ozai leaned back and observed his daughter, his eyes glinting. "I have some advice for you, Azula. Your brother, Zuko, is rather fond of using fighting to solve his problems. He is rash and unthinking, and acts based on emotion alone."

Azula closed her eyes. She could see what was coming.

"Fighting should be your last resort. If there is another way, use it. If you can intimidate with words alone, do so. Force others to do your bidding. Don't get involved. Never endanger yourself. Manipulating others is the surest way to success."

Azula nodded, opening her eyes and meeting her father's gaze. "I understand, Father. I apologize. I will be more cautious in the future."

Ozai smiled a thin-lipped, dangerous smile. "Good girl. Now you may go."

She stood and bowed once more before turning and heading for the door. Her hand was on the wood when her father spoke again.

"I trust, at least, you taught the girl a lesson."

Azula smiled then, though her father couldn't see.

"Oh, yes, Father. One she won't soon forget."

* * *

**A/N: Enjoy! Have fun! Leave reviews! Oh, and before I forget, I feel the need to mention that this is a very slight AU-slight in that certain things stated in canon will not be respected, or that scenes that appeared in the canon may not occur in the same way here. But, as I said, it'll be slight.**

**So, tell me what you think! Reviews feed my soul!**


	5. Family and Friendship

The royal library was one of Azula's favorite places. She had spent many hours there, bits of childhood time she squirreled away to spend reading scrolls—scrolls on strategy, firebending, history, her family, the other nations…

At first, when her daughter had shown such an interest in reading, Ursa had tried to read stories to Azula. Yet Azula could never tolerate stories with no real application or base in reality, and soon the story sessions stopped.

The library was gigantic. It was on the other side of the palace from Azula's room, but that also meant she was less likely to see any of her family there. It was usually just her and the old librarian, who squinted and muttered at her. He was a very old man, older than anyone else Azula had ever seen. It seemed his mind was gone.

She slipped in quietly through the gigantic door. Above her, the roof was not visible. Floor after floor of scrolls stretched, with a circular staircase connecting each level. The room was very dimly lit, and up high the sight disappeared into shadow.

Though she would usually come out of boredom, today Azula had a specific task in mind. She nodded to the librarian and began climbing the thin staircase, up and up and up…

The section she was searching for was on the library's fifth floor. She looked down when she reached it and could just barely see the circular desk where the librarian sat.

Azula looked around for the shelves. "Biographies…no…census…maybe, I guess…ah, there, genealogy."

Her words, quiet as they were, echoed eerily in the still, dusty silence.

The genealogies were gigantic, heavy scrolls that ranged from as old as the Fire Nation to the most recent, printed just a few years ago. Azula went for the last one on the shelf. She pulled it down with some difficulty and then sat on the floor, rolling the scroll open.

She had selected the noble genealogy, edged in gold and painted ornately. At the very top was, of course, her family, starting only as early as Sozin. Azula smiled down at her own name, written in a careful hand, and then on down the scroll, past names and names and names of all the nobles for the past few generations…

She found one of the names she was looking for, Mai, near the bottom of the scroll. It seemed Mai was the daughter of the bankers of the city, who helped manage the palace treasury in addition to their own enterprises.

Azula put that scroll back where she had found it. She was more interested in Ty Lee, anyway, but if she wasn't listed in the nobility scroll…

_I guess I'll check the census._ She walked to the nearby shelves and looked for the most recent census, which was also the largest. Azula sighed and pulled it down, unrolling the page. It was organized by wealth, number of family members, and name. Considering that she didn't know how wealthy Ty Lee's family was, this was going to take a while.

* * *

It was one of those eerie nights where the sky was far lighter than it should have been. Azula supposed that perhaps a volcano had erupted somewhere in the distance; often that could stain the sky red. She had heard stories about regions where it snowed, and the sky looked almost as bright as day even during the night, but had never seen it herself.

She moved through the streets and alleys with catlike ease and grace, stopping every few blocks to make sure she wasn't being followed. She had pulled on a cloak to hide her royal attire, but didn't want anyone to see her face either.

Sneaking out of the palace had been surprisingly easy. Once she got out of the building and into the gardens, it was just a matter of waiting for the guards to pass and then sneaking by them. Azula had to climb the outer wall quickly, for fear of being seen, but she had managed.

The city was shaped in a perfect circle, with the palace at its center. The buildings surrounding the palace were all the homes belonging to the nobles and other wealthy Fire Nation citizens. The next ring were the middle class homes, still fairly nice.

But now, Azula was entering the outside ring of homes. The buildings here were shabby and in disrepair, patched haphazardly with fabric or left crumbling. The alleys were skinny and dark. Those who weren't fortunate to have a tiled roof above their head had erected shanty homes, tent-like constructions formed of nothing but cloth and scraps.

Azula curled her lip at the state of things. It was pathetic to have such filth in the Fire Nation's capital. Perhaps she should suggest to her father that getting rid of the slums would be a good idea…

But not tonight. Tonight she was on a different mission. So she kept walking, glancing left and right, always wary, until she reached her destination.

This particular home was half crumbling stone, half ripped, patched cloth. The door was a few planks of wood, nailed together. Someone had painted a stone, which now sat out by the door, as a marker of sorts. It was pathetic.

Azula strode up to the door and knocked loudly. There was no answer. She knocked again.

There were rapid footsteps from inside and then the door began to squeak open.

Azula was greeted by large brown eyes and a half-open mouth. The girl staring up at her was only half as tall as she was, with long brown hair that hung down her back.

She looked almost identical to the one Azula was looking for.

"Bring me Ty Lee," she ordered the girl.

She blinked. "I'm Na Lee…Ty's sleepin'. I'm not supposed to bother the others when they're all downstairs…who're you anyway?"

Azula ground her teeth together, resisting the urge to throw a fireball at this idiotic girl. She swept back her hood, glaring imperiously down at Na. "I am Azula. Now bring me Ty Lee."

Na Lee simply stared up at Azula, her mouth wide. It occurred to the princess that perhaps the girl was daft, though that certainly didn't help her temper.

Before she had a chance to ask again, a man appeared behind Na Lee and pulled her back inside, before throwing himself on the ground at Azula's feet.

"Princess Azula, please forgive my daughter. She lacks an understanding of propriety. Please forgive her! I hope she did not offend you. Please tell me, why have you graced my humble home?"

"Humble is right," Azula said, her lip curling as she looked down at the man groveling in the dust. It was difficult to imagine someone like Ty Lee coming from this man. "I came to see Ty Lee. I want to see her, not your other daughters, or you. Now bring her here. I've had my patience tested long enough."

"O-of course, Princess." The man got to his feet and hurried into the house. There was a clattering sound and a shout of "Ty Lee!" before the other girl actually appeared. For once, Ty's hair was down, braided down her back instead of up in a ponytail.

Ty Lee's eyes widened as she saw Azula.

"Oh…Azula…Hi?"

Azula smiled, though it wasn't a warm smile. "Hello, Ty Lee. Surprised to see me?"

"Uh…yes."

Azula began to pace back and forth in front of Ty Lee, glancing occasionally at the other girl as she spoke. Inside the hovel, the rest of Ty's family had gathered anxiously, peering out and watching the interaction.

"You know, Ty Lee, the Royal Fire Academy for Girls is supposed to be reserved for, well, the nobility."

"Of course I know that."

"And yet, here you are, dirt poor and living in the slums, and yet still attending school there. Explain."

Azula quit her pacing, turning to stare at Ty Lee with her piercing golden eyes. Ty Lee looked down for a few seconds before summoning the courage to meet the princess's gaze.

"I lied to get in, okay? I admit it. Look, Azula. I have seven sisters. They all look just like me."

Azula examined the girls in the doorway. She had to admit, had they all had their hair styled the same, she might have had a difficult job picking Ty out from the bunch.

"We were all supposed to go to the same free school for the 'less fortunate of the Fire Nation.'" Ty Lee grimaced at the name. "But it was awful there. There were too many students and not enough teachers, and nobody ever remembered our names. I was always getting called Rin or Na or Yu. It was horrible! I got in trouble for stuff my sisters did!"

Azula watched her impassively. Ty Lee was certainly getting worked up about this story of hers.

"All the other schools cost money, something I didn't have. But my father agreed I could go wherever I wanted, so long as I paid for it. I got a job in a tea shop and one day a man came in. I talked to him and told him about my problems, and he gave me enough money to pay tuition. He even told me he would handle registration, and he did. It's easy enough to act like a noble when you're around them all day."

Ty Lee finished speaking, her cheeks flushed. She was breathing heavily, but her eyes were locked on Azula's.

"I'm not sorry! I like it there! It's better than being stuck with my sisters! So please, Azula, don't tell anyone. I like being with you. I like being at a nice school."

Azula stood staring at Ty Lee for a long time before she shrugged, dropping her gaze and smiling. "Oh, Ty Lee, who would I tell? It's of none of my concern if you're smart enough to sneak into a private school. I think it's really ingenious, actually."

"Really?" Ty Lee beamed.

"Well…it shows resourcefulness, doesn't it?" Azula said. "Besides, no one will question your heritage when you're the friend of a princess. If they do, they can answer to me."

"Azula, you're the best friend ever!" Ty Lee squealed, jumping forward and wrapping her arms around Azula's neck. "I'll keep any secrets you ever tell me, ever, too. If you ever want to tell me your secrets! But you don't have to."

"That's enough," Azula said sharply, pulling back from the hug. "It isn't…there just isn't anything in it for me if I tell on you! It has nothing to do with you!"

Azula turned without any other words and marched away from the hovel, pulling her hood back over her head, partly to hide the blush on her cheeks.

Behind her, Ty Lee looked startled for a moment before smiling, watching her friend disappear into the shadows of the night.

* * *

The next morning, Azula was woken far too soon by a gentle pair of hands on her back and a soft voice in her ear.

"Azula? I'm sorry, I know it's early…"

Azula opened her eyes to see Ursa bending over her. She was instantly far more awake; she almost always awoke by herself. It was a rare occasion when anyone else did the job for her.

"What?" she asked crossly, sitting up and squinting at her mother through the darkness. Her nighttime excursion had made it impossible to get half the sleep she wanted.

Ursa sighed. "Tomorrow is your ninth birthday, Azula."

"I know that. So what?" Birthdays had never been large affairs in her family. Occasionally she would get a smile from her father. If Zuko was lucky, Ozai would not rage at him.

"The other day you mentioned that you made friends with some girls at your school. Don't you think it might be fun to do something with them?"

"Like what?" Azula supposed Ursa was trying to be nice.

"You should invite them to spend the night here. It would be such fun, don't you think? They'd love to see the palace. The servants could style your hair and maybe you could have a tea party…"

"You think I want to waste my birthday having makeovers and tea parties?" Azula hissed. She could hardly believe her mother had woken her for something as redundant as this. "Not a chance, Mother. Now could you leave me to get some sleep?"

Ursa stood slowly, a concerned look on her face as she looked down at her daughter. "You wouldn't have to do those things. They were just suggestions. If you'd rather do something else, you can. I just wanted you to have a fun day with your friends…"

"Thank you for your consideration, Mother," Azula mumbled, pulling the sheets over her head. She lay there for a long time, listening to Ursa's footsteps fade out of her hearing range.

Azula wasn't able to fall back to sleep.

* * *

"Are you okay, Azula? You seem kind of distracted today."

Ty Lee seemed to be utterly unaffected by their midnight meeting the previous night. She hadn't mentioned it once, but she was her usual bouncy self.

Ty Lee, Mai, and Azula sat at their usual table. Azula was staring out the window, ignoring her food.

"I'm fine," Azula said brusquely, turning back to the table and picking at her tray. In truth, she wasn't. She was still tired from the previous night, and Ursa waking her that morning hadn't helped. She kept seeing her mother's sad face in her mind as Ursa turned away.

_I just wanted you to have a fun day with your friends._

_You liar. You just want my friends to make me nice. To make me like Zuko._

Ty Lee was staring at her, looking worried, so Azula decided she had better say something. She gestured toward Mai.

"If you're two years older than us, why are you in the same weapons class as Ty Lee?" Azula guessed she already knew the answer.

Mai shrugged. "They're based on skill level, and my parents don't like to 'think of their precious daughter wielding anything sharp!' so I don't try."

"I don't like weapons," Ty Lee said, scrunching up her face. "I like the hand-to-hand combat lessons more."

"That's only because you're way more flexible than anyone else, so you beat everyone," Mai said dryly, taking a sip of her soup.

Azula watched them, their voices fading away as she focused in on her own thoughts. Her father had told her not to rely on others.

Her mother had told her to bring them over.

But she hated her mother.

But she thought she might like having friends.

They were still talking, apparently indifferent to her, Ty Lee on her right side and Mai on her left, one dark-haired and the other lighter-haired, wearing the same uniform.

And Azula in the middle.

"It's my birthday tomorrow," she said all of a sudden, interrupting. Both of them turned to look at her. Azula didn't know why, but she felt tears welling up behind her eyes. "I'm turning nine."

"Congratulations, Azula!" Ty Lee said, smiling. "Ooh, I'll have to get you a present. Gosh, I wish you'd given me more warning. Uh…I guess you wouldn't want a stuffed animal…or food…do you like candy? Maybe—"

"Are you all right?" Mai asked, laying a hand on Ty Lee's arm to stop her from talking. Mai was staring at Azula, unusual concern in her eyes.

Azula was fighting back her tears, staring determinedly out the window. She bit her lip until she tasted blood. _I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry._

"I'm fine." She was amazed at how controlled her voice sounded. "I'm great. I'm turning nine tomorrow."

Ty Lee slid out of her chair and hugged Azula. For once Azula didn't try to push her away.

"My mother wants me to invite you two to stay the night at the palace tomorrow," she said, closing her eyes. "For my birthday."

"I would love to," Ty Lee said. "I've never been in a palace before!"

"Sounds fun," Mai said, smiling slightly. "Count me in."

"To make my mother happy," Azula said flatly, avoiding both of their gazes. "That's the only reason."

Ty Lee sat back down, shaking her head. "I'm sure it'll be lots of fun. We can run around and play pranks on the guards—ooh, and maybe Mai will get a look at Zuko."

"Ty Lee!"

"Oh, sorry, Mai." Ty Lee giggled. "But no matter what, we'll make sure you have fun, Azula. Happy early birthday."

* * *

**A/N: Reviews, as always, are loved. I think that's it for today!**


	6. The Machine

Azula squinted in the sunlight.

She had never been a day person, despite the insistence of all the books and her teachers that firebenders grew stronger with the sun. Her firebending might strengthen at dawn, but she disliked the brightness. She knew she would have to learn to live with it eventually; battles would be fought during the day, after all.

She glowered at her mother's back. It was Ursa's fault she was out here in the first place. Azula had wanted to have servants lead her friends to her room, but Ursa was insistent that she greet them in person.

"Manners and politeness are necessary skills for any princess," Ursa had said, before leading Azula out of her room and down into the gardens, where they awaited Mai and Ty Lee.

Ursa was sitting by the pond, watching the turtle-ducks swimming in circles. She had invited Azula to join her, but Azula had declined the offer.

Instead, she was practicing her bending. Ko Shen had taught her an advanced form the other day, and promised that if she could master it quickly enough he would teach her his favorite form. She had already perfected the first three steps, but was stuck on the fourth, which involved a flip.

Ko Shen had looked rather comical, flipping through the air, but he landed the move perfectly in a puff of fire.

"I've never seen a form quite like that one."

"It's not a firebending form, little Princess. It's been adapted from the forms of the Air Nomads."

"I'm not an acrobat."

"And you never will be with that attitude. Come on, let's see a flip."

But the exact balance of the move still eluded her. Azula couldn't deny that jumping into the air and spinning wasn't exactly her strong suit; those brief moments of weightlessness inevitably caused her to panic.

She tried the backflip once more, but ended up hitting the ground, hard.

"Hmph." Azula stood and tried not to think about it, but her failure stayed at the edge of her mind like an itch, begging for her to scratch it.

"Azula!"

She barely had any warning before a pink blur was flying at her. Ty Lee caught her in a hug and swung her around in a circle.

"Happy birthday!"

"Let go!" Azula ordered. Ty Lee obeyed, but not without a pout.

"Your guests have arrived, Princess Azula," one of the palace guards said, approaching with Mai at his side.

"Oh, yes, I'd noticed," Azula said. "Mai. Ty Lee. Welcome."

"Hey," Mai said, raising a hand unenthusiastically. "I'm glad I could come. My father said he was going to have your present delivered later. Something about it being too large to bring with me." She shrugged. "Wouldn't surprise me if it's a life-size golden statue of you or something."

"I was just thinking my room needed a statue of me in it," Azula said.

"Hello, girls."

Ursa had risen from her spot by the pond and come to join her daughter and friends. She smiled down at Mai and Ty Lee, resting a hand on Azula's shoulder. Azula's eyes narrowed, though her mother couldn't see.

"I'm Ty Lee!" Ty said, bowing for an instant before springing back up. "Are you Azula's mom? It's nice to meet you!"

"You as well, Ty Lee," Ursa said. She looked at Mai. "And you're Mai, aren't you? I believe I've met your parents before. Lovely people."

"They certainly are," Mai said, bowing deeply with her hands together. She rose smiling. "They will be most pleased when I pass this compliment on to them, Lady Ursa."

"All right. I'll leave you girls alone, then, Azula," Ursa said, finally removing her hand from her daughter's shoulder. "Tell a servant if you need anything, and remember—"

"Don't disturb Father. Yes, I know," Azula repeated, thinking that if anyone was likely to bother Ozai, it would be Ursa herself.

Ursa gave them one last smile before sweeping away across the grass, looking almost ethereal with her robes trailing on the ground.

"Good," Azula muttered. She turned to Mai. "What was all that about?"

Mai had resumed her usual neutral expression. She shrugged. "My parents raised me to have perfect manners and etiquette in all situations. If you want, I can recite the speech they gave me in case I ever meet Fire Lord Azulon…"

"Don't." Azula looked around, feeling unusually awkward. Ty Lee was staring at her, smiling expectantly. "Uh…what do you two want to do?"

"I don't care," Mai said.

"Whatever you want! It is your birthday, after all," Ty Lee said.

_This was a bad idea._ Azula shook her head. "I don't know of anything we could do together. Unless you wanted to spar?"

"You're kidding, right?" Mai asked, raising her eyebrows. "When we met, I recall you wreaking havoc on a girl you just met. I'm not stupid enough to face off against you, Azula."

"You mean you're smart enough not to," Azula said, smirking. "Unlike the girl you were mentioning? But if you don't want to spar…" She sighed. "We could always find someone to pull a prank on."

"You're a prankster? Azula, I would've never pegged you for that type," Ty giggled. She launched herself into a one-handed handstand and remained in that position. It seemed that, if Ty wasn't occupied, she needed to be in constant motion. But watching her reminded Azula of what she had been attempting before they had arrived.

"Ty, help me with something," she ordered.

"Anything!"

"Ko Shen taught me a form that requires a backflip, but I can't do it as well as I'd like…yet. You can help, can't you?"

"I'd love to!" Ty hopped back onto her feet, grinning. Mai sat down with her back to one of the garden's trees, watching the other two with interest.

"Like this?" Ty Lee concentrated for a moment, shutting her eyes, before springing into the air and twisting backward, her knees to her chest. She landed it perfectly.

"Show-off," Mai muttered.

"Hey!"

"Never mind Mai," Azula said impatiently, focusing. She shifted into her beginning stance, her hands at her waist, envisioning the form in her mind. She would glide through the air, easy as Ty Lee made it look, and then land in the pose Ko Shen had demonstrated…

She jumped, twisting as best she could backwards. Azula felt her feet hit the ground and a split second of triumph rushed through her, before she unbalanced and fell backward.

"You need to distribute your weight more evenly when you're jumping," Ty Lee said. "Otherwise you can't land right. See?" She flipped again, landing perfectly.

"Hmph." Azula shoved Ty onto the ground and then laughed, feeling better.

"Hey!" Ty Lee said again, frowning up at Azula. "I'm trying to help you!"

Azula heard another voice drifting across the gardens and froze, listening. She indicated to her friends to silence before looking around.

Zuko and Ursa were walking together down one of the shaded pathways, speaking about something. Azula saw Mai glance at the prince and then look away, blushing. An idea flickered into Azula's mind.

"Mom, let Zuko come play with us!" she said, running across the courtyard to where they were walking. "Please?"

"I don't want to play with those girls!" Zuko said indignantly, glaring at his sister.

"Come on, Zuko," Azula said sweetly, widening her eyes. "We are siblings. We should play together! Don't you think, Mom?"

"I agree," Ursa said. She smiled down at her children. "Zuko, you should play with Azula and her friends."

"But—fine." Zuko knew when he was beaten, but it didn't stop him from continuing to glare at Azula as she led him across the courtyard, back to where her friends were. Ursa watched for a few seconds before walking away, disappearing inside the palace.

Mai's eyes widened as she saw Zuko approaching. Azula grinned and beckoned Ty over to her. The acrobat joined her, all her previous annoyance at Azula for pushing her forgotten.

"Watch this. I'm going to prove to Mai that Zuko's a moron."

Ty Lee giggled. "What does that mean?"

"Watch," Azula repeated, before speaking in her normal tone to Zuko and Mai. "Let's play a game!" She glanced around at the nearby trees and plucked an apple from one, before walking over to place the fruit on Mai's head.

"What game?" Zuko asked warily, watching his sister's every move.

"We have to try and shoot the apple off of the other person's head, with firebending!" Before Zuko could object to the game, Azula had shot a small globe of fire at the apple. The fruit didn't move, but it quickly caught fire.

"Aah!" Mai could feel the heat radiating down, and for once she wasn't emotionless. "Azula! What if my hair catches-?"

She didn't have a chance to finish speaking. Zuko lunged at Mai, pushing her straight into the shallow turtle-duck pond. The two of them sat there, soaking wet, while Ty Lee and Azula laughed.

"Azula!" Zuko said, standing up hurriedly and glaring at his sister. "You could have really hurt her! You can't just throw fireballs at people!"

"Oh, please, Zuko," Azula scoffed. "Like I would burn one of my friends by accident. You know I have more control than that."

"By accident's not what I'm worried about." Zuko looked between her and Mai before turning and stomping away, still in a huff. Azula watched him go before turning back to Ty Lee and resuming her laughter.

"What was that for, Azula?" Mai asked grumpily. "I trust you with fire, but did you really have to get me soaked?"

"I was trying to help you!" Azula said. "My brother worried enough about you to push you into the water. See? Maybe he likes you."

Mai's expression lightened somewhat as she considered the possibility. "Uh, thanks. I guess."

"But you don't have to stand around soaking. Let's go inside. We can dry you off and get new clothes."

"Ooh! I've heard that there's an awesome spa in the palace," Ty Lee said. "It's true, isn't it? Can we go to the steam room and take hot baths and maybe get mud masks? Please?"

"A bath would feel nice," Mai agreed, looking down at her dripping clothes.

"Fine."

* * *

An hour later found the trio walking barefoot through the halls of the palace, wearing matching silk robes with their hair tied up in elegant knots. Azula had to admit that the spa had been more fun than she would have expected. The hot water had worked wonders on her muscles.

"Hey, Azula, why haven't we seen your father?" Ty Lee asked. The three of them passed into an open area, one of the balcony hallways, that looked over the grounds and the city.

"Oh, you won't see him," Azula said breezily. "He's been in non-stop war meetings the past few days. Apparently there's been some trouble in Ba Sing Se, so the generals are all trying to come up with methods to help Iroh."

"Perfect as always, Princess Azula," came a soft voice from in front of the girls. Ty Lee jumped and looked around for the speaker, while Mai stayed calm. Azula's face darkened.

"Zhao."

The man emerged from the shadows and the trio could see him more clearly. His hair was tied back in the traditional knot, but the beard lining either side of his face made him notably different in appearance than many of the other Fire Nation warriors.

"I don't know why you're always so abrasive to me, Princess," Zhao said, smirking as he approached them. "Don't you think that, as a key commander of the nation's troops, I deserve a bit more respect?"

"I'm showing you exactly the respect you deserve, Zhao," Azula said coldly. "None. Did you get lost on your way to a war meeting? The council rooms are on the other side of the palace, or did you forget?"

"We adjourned for a break," Zhao said. "I decided to come for a stroll and see the legendary view from these balconies. Do you object?"

"I object to having to see your face on a walk," Azula retorted. "It's rather cocky of you to walk around the palace like you own it."

"I suppose I don't," Zhao said, giving a slight bow and turning back the way he had come. "I apologize for disturbing your evening, Princess. I had forgotten it was your birthday. Perhaps if you came to my manor, I could give you a gift?"

"Leave." Azula's voice could have frozen her own fire.

"As you wish." Zhao continued walking away from them. He didn't turn back once. Only when he had rounded the corner did Azula relax.

"Who was that?" Ty asked curiously, peering after him.

"Zhao. He's a high-ranking official in the army, but he's arrogant and overly confident. Someday that'll be his downfall," Azula said, sniffing her displeasure.

"Doesn't sound like you care for him," Mai said.

"I don't. He's indelicate and a weak warrior at best. If it weren't for his strategic abilities he'd be long dead, maybe at my father's hand." Azula stared down the corridor before a smile crept over her face. "Let's follow him."

"Didn't he say he was going to a war meeting?" Mai asked slowly, before shaking her head. "Oh, no, Azula. You might be okay if they catch us, but the both of us will be dead."

"We won't get caught." Azula had already started down the hall, light on her feet, her golden eyes glimmering. "Come on. I've got an idea for a prank that'll make him look stupid in front of Grandfather."

"Sounds like fun!" Ty Lee cartwheeled after Azula, grinning at the thought of a good prank.

Mai sighed before following them both as quietly as she could.

Zhao had a large head start on them, so it was easy for the trio to sneak, unnoticed, after him. Once or twice, when he turned corners, Azula had to pull the other two behind pillars to make sure they weren't seen.

At last Zhao reached a large door, emblazoned with the symbol of the Fire Nation. Beyond, Azula knew, was the largest of many council rooms the palace contained. Zhao straightened his armor before pushing the door open and marching in.

Just before he disappeared behind the door, Azula shot a tiny wisp of fire from her fingers. It caught the trailing hem of Zhao's tunic, but he failed to notice. Azula smirked as the door closed behind him.

"You set his shirt on fire?" Mai asked incredulously. "So what?"

"Give it time…" Azula said, leaning one ear to the door. "And…now."

She focused hard, mentally reaching for the fire she had just produced, and poured her energy into it. From inside a yell echoed, followed by several loud curses. Azula distinctly heard her own father's laugh.

"He'll need a new tunic after that," Ty Lee giggled.

"Let's go." Azula led them away from the scene, a pleased smirk on her lips, before Zhao could get his hands on them.

* * *

The sun had set hours ago. Azula had closed all the curtains in her room, but the lamps were still lit, casting a warm light over the red walls. The three girls were sitting on a silk rug, talking lazily. As they grew more and more tired, the conversation dwindled.

"I'm sorry about your present," Mai said, indicating the gigantic chest in the corner. Earlier in the evening, several servants from Mai's household had arrived, bearing Azula's present. The chest was inlaid with gold and filled with tiny crystal bottles of every perfume imaginable, from the farthest reaches of the Earth Kingdom to rare scents from the North Pole.

"Don't be," Azula said, shrugging. "They'll be useful for putting on Zuko when he's not looking. Besides, I can always sell them if worse comes to worst…"

"I bet the one from the Northern Water Tribe is worth a fortune! How much did that servant say it was, Mai?" Ty Lee asked brightly.

Mai shrugged. "Who knows? A lot, probably. I don't really care."

They lapsed into a long silence, all three of them watching the hypnotizing flicker of the candle flames on the wall. Outside, the wind blew hard against the windows.

"I'm tired," Azula said suddenly, forcing her eyelids to stop drooping. "Let's go to sleep."

"Okay," Mai agreed, rubbing one eye blearily. "How late is it anyway?"

"Aww, but we were having so much fun talking." Ty stuck out her bottom lip, pouting. "I don't want to go to sleep yet!"

"You're outvoted," Mai yawned. "And Azula's a princess so her vote's the only one that matters anyway."

"Mother had the servants bring blankets for you two," Azula said, slowly standing and pointing at the pile of silk and satin on the far side of the room.

"We have to sleep on the floor?" Ty Lee said. She looked as if her heart was broken. "But Azula, you have such a big bed! We can all fit! I've always wanted to see how soft the beds are in the palace, and how nice the sheets are, and whether they creak…and it's a party! We should all sleep together."

"The Princess sleeps alone," Azula said. "Sorry, Ty."

"But Azula," Ty Lee repeated, staring up at Azula like a puppy that had just been kicked. "Please? Pretty pretty please? I promise I won't kick or anything…"

Azula was on the verge of saying no once more when she looked into Ty's face and imagined her sleeping on the ground every night in that shack that she called home. She found, then, that she didn't have it in her to refuse.

"Suit yourself, Ty, but if you steal the covers I will burn you."

Ty Lee's face lit up. "You're the greatest, Azula!"

"Whatever. I'm fine with the floor," Mai said.

"No, Mai, you can't. You have to sleep with us or it won't be as much fun," Ty Lee said firmly, dragging Mai over to the bed by her arm.

"Ty, do you have to be so pushy all the time?" Mai grumbled, sitting reluctantly down on the bed. "How do all those sisters stand you?"

"Easy! They're all worse." Ty seated herself on the other side and patted the area right between her and Mai. "Here you go, Azula! The middle for the princess!"

Azula held back a smile as she wriggled in between them, pulling the sheets up over her, before blowing the candle out. She lay there, in silence, a friend on either side, and for once she felt safe, almost happy.

"Good night, Azula!"

"Good night, Ty Lee."

"Good night, Mai!"

"Night, Ty."

"Good night, both of you!"

"Ty Lee! Enough!"

"….Happy birthday."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry this was a longer update wait. ^^' It's because Chapter 8 is long...(I know, that doesn't really make sense, but don't mind me). I hope the chapter is enjoyable enough to make up for it! Next wait should be a standard two-ish weeks, provided my life doesn't become busy.**

**Thank you so, so much to everyone who's taken the time to review, favorite, and alert! You guys are the best. I really appreciate all encouragement. It helps motivate me to write. :) I love all of you.**

**See you next time!**


	7. Embers and Ashes

Her friends had gone, and the palace felt lonely without them.

They had left early in the morning, right after breakfast, if only because an irritable Azula had forced them to leave as soon as possible. Somehow having them around was less pleasant after waking up with none of the covers and Ty wrapped around her for warmth. Mai had stolen the covers in the middle of the night, and it was probably for her benefit that Azula ushered them out as quickly as possible.

But now, when she was no longer just awakened and grumpy, Azula felt disappointed. She almost expected to hear Ty's laugh or Mai's sighs after every other word she said.

Those thoughts made her angry with herself. She was being ridiculous. She would, of course, see them the next day of school, and in the meantime Azula was going to continue working as vigilantly as ever.

It was easy enough for her to tell herself that.

As a distraction more than anything else, Azula went to the grounds and continued working on the flip, trying to incorporate what Ty Lee had told her the previous day. By the tenth try, her back and rear were aching, but on the eleventh she landed perfectly and slid into the final movement of the form.

She stayed in that position for a few seconds, panting slightly, relishing her victory as sweat dripped down her face. Azula was hot, though it wasn't a particularly warm day. A faint haze covered the sun, hinting that perhaps some faraway volcano had erupted.

Azula was still in the position when she heard shouts from across the courtyard. She stood upright hastily and looked about for the source of the noise.

A servant was running down the cobblestone path, a scroll clutched in his hand. "A message for Fire Lord Azulon and Prince Ozai! A message!"

Azula walked after him, her interest piqued. This had to be news about the war; nothing else would warrant it to be brought straight to Azulon. Presumably it was about the siege at Ba Sing Se.

As she followed him, the messenger hurried straight through the series of corridors that led directly to the throne room. She found her father in the anteroom there, standing and talking to a group of other generals who turned to look at the messenger.

"Prince Ozai," the man said, dropping to one knee and holding out the scroll. "A messenger hawk from Ba Sing Se, for your father."

Ozai took it, his face suddenly still. "I will bring it to him. The rest of you, remain here. I will return and we can continue our discussion."

"Yes, Prince," the generals all murmured. Ozai turned and slipped through the curtain that led into the throne room. Azula caught a brief glimpse of flames before the curtains slid shut behind her father.

"Young Princess Azula!" One of the generals exclaimed, smiling as he caught sight of her. "It's been a while since we have seen you! You are nine now, correct?"

"I am, Commander Huang." Azula nodded to the man who had spoken.

"And keeping up your firebending training, of course!" Huang said brightly, his eyes wrinkling at the corners as he smiled. His hair was beginning to grey at the roots, Azula noticed with distaste. Huang had always been friendly, but his carefree attitude and slow nature made him a lacking commander. The only reason he was still in the top ranks, her father had told her, was because Huang was skilled with a broad range of weapons, though he wasn't a bender.

"Yes."

"Give us a demonstration, Princess," one of the younger generals said. A smirk was playing around his lips, as if he wanted to see her make a fool of herself. Azula met his gaze with cold eyes before nodding stiffly.

"It would be my pleasure, Commander."

They moved out to form a wide ring around her, all watching with varying degrees of interest. She noticed Zhao, on the end, looking her way intently.

Azula breathed out slowly and placed her hands at her waist. She ran through the form in her mind. She had done it perfectly just a few minutes ago. She could do it again perfectly now. Failure was not an option.

A leap, a flip, landing, sliding one leg out as fire spun about her. Azula could feel her veins, blazing hot, and the tiles under her feet, cool. She opened her eyes and realized she had done it.

The commanders were silent as they watched her, their eyes wide. Some mouths were open. Zhao seemed to be torn between a grimace and a smile.

"I don't think I've ever seen a form quite like that before," one of them said finally. "Truly incredible, Princess! And at only nine!"

"Incredible? This is what should be expected of the lineage of the Fire Lord," Azula said, unsmiling, and only a small part of her acknowledged that she was lying.

They gathered around her then, offering up jokes and tips and praise, most of all. There would be offers embedded in that praise as she grew older, Azula knew. Nine was too young, maybe, but ten…Ten was old enough for a girl to become a warrior, to become a weapon.

For now, their words were only compliments, but they fell on ears that could not truly listen.

* * *

The torches burned bright to stave off the shadows. There were four of them, placed in each corner of the room. The back wall held a hallway that led back to the rest of the palace, but on three sides the room was open to the night. It was a ground-floor chamber, and one of Ursa's favorite rooms in the palace.

Ursa and her two children were there alone, with a handful of servants. Zuko was sitting close to his mother, listening as she read from a scroll. Azula paced restlessly, glancing out into the darkness.

"…After being parted, my army was able to reunite with the other factions. We struck a fierce blow in the outer wall of the city…"

Azula's eyes searched the night. She was sure something was happening. She had goosebumps on her arms. She thought she could hear something, a faint whispering.

"…Several Ba Sing Se units defeated. We captured some prisoners as well, and plan to use them as hostages against the city. I have included gifts…"

Her heart faintly began pounding. Azula's feet itched. They wanted her to go out into the shadows and face her fears. There was fire running in her veins. But she supposed she had to stay until Ursa finished reading that _absurdly long letter…_

"…for the young prince and princess. With luck, my father, I will see you soon with Ba Sing Se conquered."

At last, Ursa was finished. She rolled up the scroll and nodded to two servants, who stepped forward, each bearing a package.

"It is thoughtful of your uncle to send you gifts, and for him to remember your birthday, Azula," Ursa said, smiling, though wrinkles remained etched on her face. "He says that Zuko is to receive a dagger from one of the generals who was defeated. For Azula, a doll clothed in traditional Earth Kingdom garb."

Azula could scarcely believe her ears. Iroh hadn't been gone so long that he had forgotten what she was like, had he? Perhaps his daily fifty cups of tea had finally ruined his mental capabilities.

The servant handed her the package, and when she ripped the paper off, sure enough, there was a doll in all its glory, hand-painted and clearly quite fragile.

"I can't believe this," she said out loud. "I deserve the knife, and Zuko can have the doll."

As she watched, the fire burned out into her hand, slowly consuming every inch of the doll's pretty painted face. Her smile was the last thing to go.

"Azula! Why would you burn your uncle's present?" Ursa asked, hurrying over to place a hand on her shoulder. They watched the last few pieces of ash fall together.

"I don't want it. I deserve something else," Azula said, ripping herself away from her mother's grasp. Before she was even thinking, she had run out of the pavilion and into the darkness beyond. Even the burning torches disappeared as she escaped around the side of the building.

"Azula!" she heard Ursa call, distantly. She didn't respond, and her mother didn't call again.

Now that she was out of the light and the warmth, the feeling returned to her again that _something_ wasn't right. Azula had never relied on her intuition, but it had also never misled her.

It was very windy out. There was no moon in the sky. There were only the stars and the faint lights from the palace windows. Azula couldn't see far, even as her eyes slowly adjusted to the dark.

It would be the smart thing, she knew, to go back inside to her room, but somehow she couldn't convince herself to do so. A princess took chances. A princess took risks.

She stayed there, half-hidden under the leaves of the bush, for what seemed like forever. Eventually the torches in the pavilion went out. Then the lights from the palace windows went, one by one, and the golden spots on the grass disappeared. All the while the wind blew and faint wisps of clouds covered the stars.

By the time Azula found herself ready to move again, her legs were sore. She winced as she pulled herself up and discovered that her elbow had been digging into her leg the whole time.

She found that her body was tired, no matter how aware her mind still felt. Azula suppressed a yawn as she started walking, telling herself that she could take a lap of the perimeter and then head to sleep. She did have to get up for school in the morning, after all, and she had stayed up late enough the previous night with her friends.

The grounds seemed very eerie at night. There were no guards, since all of them were either patrolling the outer perimeter or inside the castle. It was only Azula.

Azula, and the lingering sense that she was definitely not alone.

She reached the back of the palace, where a long stretch of trees blocked the walls from view. A fountain gurgled peacefully, almost completely concealing the sound of voices.

Azula couldn't see the speakers. They were probably on the other side of the fountain, hidden among the trees. She dropped low and began sneaking forward, looking for any cover. There were only the short walls of the fountain—she couldn't reach the trees, or the lurkers would undoubtedly see her.

She stopped next to the low wall and listened as intensely as she could, willing the water to bubble less noisily. But Azula was close enough now that she could hear the voices, and she realized that both of them were familiar.

"Are you sure you really want to turn down my request? You have more to gain than you think, and more to lose."

A laugh. "Oh, quite sure, I'm afraid. You can threaten me all you like, but your real power depends on what you want me to do, so there's little you can do right now, unless you want to kill me, which would be foolish of you."

There was an extended pause. "Do you really understand the terms of what I have asked you to do?"

"Yes. I'm not a fool." The sound of slow footsteps. "You wish me to go to the Earth Kingdom and train warriors who will infiltrate villages from the inside and burn them down. In addition, you wish me to gather and train an elite squad of firebenders that answer to you and you alone. You wish us to off Lu Ten in the meantime. But I won't do it, and nothing you can do will change my mind."

"Why are you so against helping your nation? Did being raised in the colonies really taint you that much? Despite your firebending skill?"

"I'm against helping those who would gain power through illicit methods, such as you. In the colonies, I learned nothing more than that manipulation is a far more powerful weapon than destruction. But I'm curious as to why you don't think I should remain here and teach your daughter?"

"I don't want you poisoning her mind with these ideas of yours."

Another laugh. "You're really that naïve? That girl is uncanny. Do you really think I could lead her so easily astray? No, the truth is that you're afraid of her, isn't it? You know she'll grow into something far more powerful than you."

"…Are you trying to provoke me?"

"Why, is it working?"

"No, no, you're trying to distract me. Please. You know what happens now. This isn't about my daughter. It's about you."

"Remember when we used to get along, Ozai? And now here you are, about to attack me."

"Are you going to resist?"

"I don't think I have much choice."

Azula couldn't help herself any longer. She had to turn and look over the fountain, lifting herself up so only her eyes showed. Just beyond the water, in the trees, a man was leaping into the air, fire gathering around his hands as he struck.

Ozai was attacking Ko Shen.

Azula had no idea what to think. She had no idea how to feel. If her father was trying to kill her mentor, who was she supposed to hope would win?

_There's no point in hoping. Whoever wins, wins, and you stay here and stay hidden,_ the logical part of her brain instructed her. Azula didn't need to be told twice. She wasn't fool enough to get involved in a death match between two masters.

Ko Shen was blocking fire with fire, spinning and throwing vicious kicks at Ozai, who blocked and parried with his fists. Ko Shen jumped and boosted himself off one of the trees, lunging straight at the other man. Ozai dodged, but barely, and fire caught his shoulder. Azula heard her father's muttered curse as he slumped slightly before resuming the attack.

It went on, for how long Azula didn't know. Now it looked like Ko Shen was winning; now Ozai landed a harsh blow. Both men were wearing down.

"You—will—yield!" Ozai grunted, crouching back into a powerful stance. Ko Shen shook his head sadly.

"Yield? Not until you make me."

Azula knew that glint in her father's eye, probably better than anyone else, and half of her wanted to shout a warning to her mentor, while the other half writhed in excitement with the thrill of what she was about to see.

Ko Shen shifted, preparing another attack, when Ozai struck forward, and it was not fire that blazed from his hand now, but lightning. The electricity bypassed Ko Shen's defenses, instantly deadly and fierce, consuming the man in white light.

There was a horrible yell.

Azula couldn't look away. She watched, transfixed, as her mentor jerked about, screams coming from his mouth, as bolt after bolt struck him.

Then the electricity stopped, and Ozai pulled his fingers back down to his side. Ko Shen's limp form fell into the fountain, still twitching faintly. Ozai shook his head, staring down at the other man, before he turned and swept away, his robes blowing out around him in the moonlight.

Azula sat frozen, her breath coming in short pants. She didn't care that her legs had gone numb from crouching, or that her ears were frigid. All that mattered was the man in the fountain and the man walking away. She didn't know whether to run back to her room and hide, forget what she had seen, or to follow her father and confront him…

But no. That would be idiotic. The only smart move was to run back to her room. If her father caught her, she didn't envy her outcome.

But as Azula moved to stand, a low voice came rasping out of the fountain.

"A-Azula…"

She couldn't help but look into the water, where Ko Shen's eyes were barely open, trying desperately to focus on her.

"Listen to me," he rasped, raising one arm slightly out of the water. He managed to touch her face before his arm splashed back down. "Keep studying alternate forms. Your—your acrobat friend can help you. Make friends. Don't trust anyone."

"You promised to teach me your favorite firebending form," Azula whispered, well aware that he would never teach her another form again.

"Ha…oh, Princess, come up with your own. You'll like it better…better than mine anyway." He closed his eyes very tightly and then opened them again, working his jaw. "P—promise me something."

"Not until I hear what it is," Azula said, her voice cold, not betraying the confusion and panic waging war inside of her.

Ko Shen tried for a smile, but his lips could only form a grimace. "Don't become your father's tool. Make him trust you…make him think you are his perfect servant…but never stop thinking. You have amazing potential. You will lightningbend…you will be far stronger than him…but be careful. Be wily. Be strong."

He coughed, and Azula saw something dark spatter into the water, slowly dissipating to color it a shade darker.

"Damn…that hurts. I knew I should have learned how to combat lightning, but I never had time…now kill me."

"What?"

"You heard me! I don't want to suffer. Come on. Fireball to the skull."

Azula felt a stillness settle inside of her, like snow falling to freeze the ground. "…And when they find your corpse, Father will know another firebender did you in."

"They'll think I did it myself."

"I'm not taking that chance," Azula said, standing now, and staring down at Ko Shen with something blank in her eyes. "You stood up to a prince of the Fire Nation. You couldn't take orders. For that, you deserve to suffer."

His eyes widened as he stared up at her, and then he slumped his head back into the water and laughed a hoarse chuckle. His laughs grew louder as Azula turned and walked away, and even when they died out and Ko Shen breathed no more, Azula could still hear his laughter ringing in her ears.

The next day, her father called her to his chambers and informed her that, unfortunately, her mentor had been called away to tutor a group of soldiers in firebending, and that he would find someone to replace Ko Shen.

And Azula smiled and nodded, staring into her father's face and feeling nothing, nothing at all.

* * *

**A/N: And so starts the descent of this story from somewhat-happy land into sad and horrifying land. The chapter where the rating will change is Chapter 10. Something to look forward to? Anyway, your words are always appreciated!**

**Thank you so much to everyone who's reviewed. It really does help inspire me to write this more, and your words are so nice and kind and make me feel warm and fuzzy. So, thank you. Love all of you! :)**


	8. The Martyr

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Azula frowned, turning away from Ty Lee's worried eyes. Every day that week, the same discussion. Every day that week, her friends asking her what was wrong.

"I'm fine," she hissed, slamming her bowl down on the table with unnecessary force. "Just fine. Okay? I'm great! Fantastic!"

"Are you still upset about your firebending teacher?" Mai asked, tilting her head. "I know you really liked him, but it's for the best that he's going to help train soldiers, isn't it?"

"It's not that. I'm just…I haven't been sleeping well," Azula said. It wasn't a lie.

"Anyone can see that." Mai indicated the deathly purple circles under Azula's eyes. "But people don't just become insomniacs for no reason, you know."

Azula knew.

She had been on edge ever since that night. Twitchy, jumpy, sure that her father would find out she knew what he had done…

Azula had returned to the fountain the next morning. Ko Shen's body was gone, along with any signs of a fight. Azula was sure that she and her father were the only living people who knew the truth of what had happened to the man. Maybe, in a few months, a report would arrive that his ship had crashed in the sea, and that there were no survivors.

It wasn't that she had a hard time falling asleep. It was that she had a hard time staying asleep. Every night, without fail, her dead mentor danced through her dreams, laughing as he bled to death, or his head fell off…

But no matter what form the dream took, there was always the deadly white lightning, and Ozai watched it all with an expression of utmost calm.

And then he would turn the lightning on her.

Even in her waking hours, Azula could not erase the image of Ko Shen from her mind. She suffered a constant headache. Anyone who ran into her in the halls of the school was in danger of getting a fireball to the face.

And even training wasn't an outlet anymore. With Ko Shen gone, she had been paired with the most advanced class, which was still below her level. She hated sparring. The rules forbade burning her opponents, which made the matches no fun at all. No matter how many times she won, she wasn't satisfied.

* * *

A week after the incident, on the morning she did not have to get up for school, Azula awoke from a particularly brutal nightmare. She lay panting in bed, her eyes wide, a thin layer of sweat covering her skin. She could still feel lightning running through her veins, sapping the life out of her as her father laughed. The sound rang in her ears until she couldn't stand it.

Azula dug her fingernails into her thigh, hard enough to leave marks. Slowly the ringing in her ears faded. Slowly her breathing returned to normal.

She removed her hand and climbed out of bed. It was still very late at night, long before anyone should have been awake. Outside her window, it was pouring rain. No wonder she had been dreaming of lightning; a storm streaked the sky with all the fury of the gods. A particularly loud crash of thunder startled her. Azula clutched at her blankets for comfort.

Azula tried to burrow back down into her bed and go to sleep, but each time she closed her eyes, she could see her father's laughing face and the lightning pouring from his fingers. She sat up and looked around. The eerie, inconsistent lighting of the storm made her feel afraid.

Azula found herself walking through the hallways like a ghost, wearing her sleeping robe and a pair of slippers. She didn't know where she was going. She paused, briefly, in the anteroom, watching the rain collect in puddles on the wooden floor. In the morning, the servants would dry it, as though it had never been there at all.

She heard Zuko turning over in his sleep and crept on, not wanting her brother to wake and find her lurking.

Ozai and Ursa had separate chambers. Ozai's were far larger and more impressive. On lonely nights like this, Azula often wondered who was with Ozai in his rooms, if her mother wasn't. She didn't like to dwell on that, though. The thought of her father bedding whores behind her mother's back didn't sit well with Azula at all.

Ozai's rooms were guarded, but Ursa's were not. The door wasn't even locked. Azula slid inside, as silently as a ghost, and walked across the carpeted floor. Her mother's bedroom was the furthest room, she knew, overlooking the eastern grounds of the palace…

But once she reached the room, she couldn't go in. She stood, as if frozen, in the doorway, watching her mother's slender form rise and fall beneath the covers.

"Mom," she called hoarsely, no louder than a whisper. There was no chance Ursa had heard her. "Mom," she repeated, no louder.

Azula might have stood there for five minutes, or an eternity, or perhaps only a few seconds. But then she realized that she was cold, and lonely, and she should just return to her own bed and try to sleep 'till morning.

As she turned to leave, she heard a faint voice behind her.

"Azula? Is that you?"

Ursa was sitting up, her eyes bleary as she tried to focus in on her daughter. "What's wrong? Did the storm scare you, dearest?"

"No! I'm not afraid of lightning!" Azula said hotly. "I just—I just had a bad dream." She didn't know why, but tears were threatening to fall from her eyes.

"Come here," Ursa said, smiling gently. She patted the sheets next to her. Azula stumbled over, biting her lip. She curled up beside her mother on the bed.

Ursa lay back down and pulled the sheets over them, laying one arm around Azula. And even though Azula knew it was stupid, knew there were no guards and she was more capable than her mother in a fight, she felt safe.

For the last time, Azula drifted off to sleep in her mother's arms.

"Wake up, Azula," a voice murmured. Azula frowned and tried to burrow deeper into the blankets. A hand was stroking her hair.

"Come on. It's time to get up."

"Go away."

"It's my room, unfortunately," her mother said with a soft laugh. Finally Azula opened her eyes.

Golden light was streaming in through all the windows. The storm had passed; the day outside was bright and clear. Azula could see for miles out through the glass, miles of city and rock and then green forests.

Ursa stood by the windows, already dressed for the day. Azula wondered how long ago her mother had gotten up.

"I don't have very much to do today," Ursa said quietly. "Zuko is going out into the city for some shopping, and Ozai is still cloistered in war meetings. Would you like to spend the day together?"

An acidic retort perched on the edge of Azula's lips, that she was her mother's last choice of companion and that Ursa was only offering to ease the awkwardness, but she held it back.

"…I think I might like that."

Ursa turned away from the window and smiled. "I'm glad. I love spending time with you."

Another jolt of anger in Azula's stomach and another concentrated attempt to not say anything. _Really. It doesn't show._

"Let's go back to your room, and you can get dressed," Ursa said, walking toward the door. "Then maybe we could visit the spa? I thought you enjoyed that with your friends. Or maybe a nice walk in the garden, or we could visit the city?"

"Whatever you like," Azula said, giving a fake smile and resisting the urge to scream.

They saw almost nobody on the walk back to Azula's room. The palace seemed even more deserted than usual. The silence made Azula wonder if something important was happening. The hairs on the back of her neck prickled; she hated being left out of things.

Azula pulled on her clothes and realized that there were no servants present to tie her hair up. "Mother, can you fix my bun?"

Ursa joined her daughter by the mirror and hesitated. "I could…but Azula, you don't have school today. You won't be training. Why not just leave it down?"

"I like having it up," Azula said. "It shows that I'm ready for attack. That I won't be taken by surprise. It shows that I'm neat and organized. And most of all, it shows that I'm not to be underestimated just because I'm a princess."

Ursa laughed briefly. She covered her mouth with one hand. "I'm sorry…but that's a bit extreme, don't you think?"

Azula's blood was boiling. She wanted to scream. _Extreme? Last week I saw my father murder my mentor, and you think being prepared is extreme?_

"And besides…it is a bit of a boy's hairstyle. When you're older, you'll have to wear it down."

"I'll have to?" Azula's voice was deadly. "What, so the men will think I'm attractive? It's not a boy's hairstyle. It's a warrior's hairstyle. No—it's mine. I don't care what other people say. I don't care what other people think. I will wear my hair how I like!"

"All right, Azula, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get you worked up," Ursa said, raising her hand in a placating motion.

"You just want me to be your perfect little princess, with my hair down, sharing spa days with my mother, getting along with my brother! You just want me to inherit your life, married to an important man and doing nothing all day! I'm sorry, Mother, but I will never be that princess!" Azula was shouting now, trying to stop tears streaming down her face. She didn't know why this had upset her so much. _I thought she just wanted to spend time with me…why can't she ever just want to spend time with me? _"You spend all your time telling Zuko he's fine the way he is, and then you turn around and say I'm not! And I never will be!"

Azula flew from the room, slamming the door behind her. She didn't want to hear her mother call her name, or deal with Zuko's bewildered glances. She wanted to run to the library and spend the rest of the day reading, accumulating thousands of facts that proved her mother wrong, even if she never shared them with Ursa.

* * *

She had just barely left the library, early in the evening, when she crashed right into her father.

"Oh—Father! I'm sorry!" She stumbled backward and lowered her head respectfully. Ozai observed her, a thin smile on his lips.

"Where are you going in such a hurry?"

Azula started to formulate a lie, but Ozai continued before she could deliver it.

"Never mind. I was coming to fetch you and the rest of the family. Fire Lord Azulon has important news to share with the whole court."

Was it her imagination, or was that a gleam Azula saw in her father's eye, a victorious smile playing around his mouth?

"Come with me to get them," Ozai ordered, continuing down the hallway. Azula followed. She forced herself not to think about the argument she'd had with her mother. She swallowed her anger and allowed a mask to fall over her face and a curtain to fall over her heart.

The immense throne room was far more crowded than Azula had ever seen it before. Generals, other nobles, as well as other high-ranking citizens, filled the chamber. She had seen Mai briefly on her way in, but her friend had been looking the other way.

Now there was a perfect silence in the room. Every eye was fixed upon Azulon, who was pacing back and forth on the dais, a letter crushed in his hand.

Finally he turned to face them.

"News from Ba Sing Se," he said stiffly. "My son is returning home with the army."

There was an outbreak of murmuring that slowly swelled until the room was filled with a babble of voices.

"Uncle Iroh coming home?" Zuko, sitting next to Azula, said. "But he can't have lost! Uncle Iroh is a great warrior!"

"Not great enough, mud-brain," Azula said coldly. "Instead of clinging to denial like an idiot, just listen to Grandfather."

"Azula, do not snap at your brother," Ursa said, leaning over to scold her daughter. Azula turned her head to meet her mother's gaze, no light in her golden eyes. Ursa was the first to look away, breaking the contest and proving that she hadn't forgotten their earlier argument.

"Silence!" Azulon roared over the babble. "Do not interrupt me. Iroh's forces suffered a damaging loss during a skirmish inside the outer wall. That alone would not stop the army, but in the battle, Lu Ten was killed."

Azula remembered their cousin very vaguely. He bore a striking resemblance to his father in both appearance and temperament. He had always played games with Zuko or invited strange girls to the palace.

It wasn't a great loss for her.

Azula glanced sideways, to where her father was kneeling beside her. His expression was perfect, exactly the way any outsider would expect a grieving uncle to look. But Azula could see, beneath the façade, a gleam of triumph in her father's eye.

_So even if he couldn't get Ko Shen to do it, he just convinced someone else anyway, _she thought dully. _Or was it an accident?_ That thought she dismissed quickly; there were no accidents in politics.

"They set sail a few days ago. The army will reach here soon," Azulon said, rolling up the scroll as he looked at all of them. "They have lost Ba Sing Se, but the war will continue. We will continue the assault of Earth Kingdom outposts and villages. We will eradicate everything but Ba Sing Se if we must. For now, we mourn my grandson."

He waved impatiently at all of them, his eyes narrowing. "Now get out, all of you! I want time to think in peace."

The great sound of chatter resumed as the other nobles around them stood and began sweeping out of the hall. Up on the dais, Azulon turned his back to the crowd, staring into the fire that surrounded his throne.

Zuko made to stand, but Ozai grabbed his wrist, forcing him back down.

"We're going to wait," he ordered. "All of us. I want to speak to my father."

"If it's about Lu Ten, Ozai, maybe we should leave you alone—" Ursa began. Ozai stood and grabbed a fistful of her hair before she could finish speaking. She cried out and dropped her head to one side, her eyes watering.

"You will do as you're told."

Ursa bit her lip and closed her eyes, sitting perfectly still until Ozai resumed his seat on Azula's left. Zuko looked back and forth between his parents, fear written on his face.

They sat there, all four of them still as statues, until the last of the nobles had cleared out. Azulon looked up from his mutterings and noticed them.

"Ozai, you too! All of you! Leave!" he said gruffly. As one, they turned to look at Ozai, who slowly stood.

"Father, if you would, I would like to demonstrate my daughter's firebending skills to you. I thought it might be some comfort, after losing one grandchild, to know that your others are capable."

"Your daughter?" Azulon perked up at the words. He had always seemed fond of Azula, though she guessed that was due more to her being named after him than any of her merit. "Your youngest?"

"That's right." Ozai smiled and gestured with one hand, settling himself back down beside her. "Go on, Azula. Prove that you truly are of the bloodline of your grandfather."

"Yes, Father," Azula murmured, getting up slowly while she envisioned her moves. Something short, something simple, that would prove her skills...

She shifted into her beginning stance for an instant before moving swiftly into motion. Fire flew in all directions, throwing bright light and shadow against the pillars. Without thinking, she moved from form to form, as natural and as easy as a fish in water.

As quickly as she had started, Azula stopped. She fired a last fireball over the flames, toward the throne, and then held utterly still for a second before relaxing. She looked up at Azulon. It was difficult to make out his face in the shadow, but she thought she saw a gleam in his eye.

She couldn't resist smirking at Zuko on her way to sit back down. He was staring, wide-eyed; he hadn't seen his sister bend in quite some time.

Ozai opened his mouth, but before he could speak his son interrupted him.

"I'm going to show my bending too!"

Ozai attempted to hold Zuko down, but he ripped away from his father's arm and moved to the center of the floor. His form, Azula noted instantly, was shaky at best.

He attempted to copy her first move and slipped, almost burning his own shoe off. Zuko glanced back over at them, and Ursa gave him an encouraging smile.

He tried to jump, mimicking her final move, and landed on his rear, letting out a grunt of pain. Beside her, Azula heard Ozai grind his teeth together.

"What was the meaning of that pathetic display?" Azulon was on his feet, gesturing irritably. "Why are you wasting my time with that pup, Ozai?"

"Ursa, take the children," Ozai said, keeping his gaze fixed steadily on his father. "I will speak with you alone, Father."

Ursa obediently stood, gathering her robes, and led the other two toward the curtains. They slipped out, Azula glancing back over her shoulder, as Ursa exited the large doors. Zuko made to follow his mother when Azula grabbed his wrist.

"Don't you want to watch?" she giggled quietly, pulling him away from the door.

"What—what are you doing?"

"Keep your voice down, you idiot," Azula said, walking carefully along behind the curtain until she reached one of the spots where there was a gap. She peered through. She could see her father kneeling on the ground, Azulon standing over him.

Zuko stood on his toes to look over her. "Are you sure we should be doing this?"

"If you're too scared to stay, you can run away," she murmured, focusing on the scene in front of her. "Now shut up. I want to hear what they're saying."

Zuko quieted. The voices of the two men instantly became audible.

"I'm sorry, Father. I would not have had you seen Zuko. It was wrong of me to assume such displays would better your mood."

"Your son is weak. Lu Ten was a better warrior by far."

"Lu Ten was many years older than Zuko," Ozai said, irritation clear in his voice. "And no matter my son's faults, my daughter is strong."

"Daughters don't inherit thrones."

"Neither do dead sons. Like it or not, Father, Iroh has lost his heir. He will not remarry or produce any more heirs; you know he is far too prideful."

"Prideful? Rich words coming from you, Ozai."

"My brother's child is dead. He is older than I am, and his strength will fade. He is too soft to make a good Fire Lord," Ozai continued doggedly. "But my children are alive, healthy, and skilled. I have heirs, and a wife capable of producing more, should it prove necessary. What is more, I myself possess the qualifications for the throne."

There was a silence before Azulon replied, but when he spoke his voice was filled with anger. "Are you suggesting that I pass on the throne to you rather than Iroh? Are you suggesting I betray my firstborn?"

"Not at all. I am suggesting that you use your power as Fire Lord to simply rearrange the matter of succession. Such a feat is not out of your grasp, Father."

"I know my place!" Azulon snapped. "But perhaps it's time you learned yours, Ozai, you insolent pup." He grabbed his son's face, forcing him to stare upwards. "Iroh has suffered enough. He has lost Lu Ten, a sadness I would not wish upon anyone. Iroh's trials are over. But yours…yours, Ozai, have scarcely begun!"

The fires surrounding the throne blazed up in such an intense burst of heat that Azula could feel it from where they stood, concealed, behind the curtain.

Zuko gasped and turned, running back toward the door and probably back to the safety of his mother's arms. Azula didn't turn to watch him go.

Azulon was still holding Ozai's face up, fire sparking around him as he stared down at his youngest son.

_Burn him! Burn him! Hurt him like he hurt Ko Shen! _Azula wanted to scream, to cheer, to do anything but sit there and watch, and yet she had to sit there and watch, watch as the man who ruled her life kneeled before the man who ruled his.

But Azulon didn't burn his son. He didn't even hit him. He released Ozai's face and began to circle him slowly, deliberately…

"Physical pain won't teach you your lesson. No…you must suffer the same way Iroh has suffered. You must feel the pain of losing a firstborn son."

Ozai was silent.

"If you won't kill your son, then I'll have the royal guard come to do it for you in the morning," Azulon hissed. "Now get out of my sight."

Ozai hastened to obey, sweeping out of the room in a flurry of crimson robes. Azula caught a glance of his face and was glad that she was hidden.

Fire Lord Azulon remained in the room for what seemed like an eternity. Azula remained utterly still, afraid of being caught, sure she would be caught if she tried to leave. She was aware of her legs growing sore and her stomach rumbling. She hadn't eaten since that morning.

At last, however, Azulon exited the throne room through the back door, and Azula slipped away through the main door, not knowing whether to be thrilled or terrified, elated or depressed. All that she felt was the throbbing disappointment at not seeing her father harmed.

She hesitated an instant before taking off in the direction of her and Zuko's room. It was only fair, she reasoned, that she warn her older brother about his imminent demise. She could already imagine the disbelief, the pain in his eyes…It was glorious.

Even in her imagination.

Night had fallen while she had waited in the throne room, and the sky outside was black, sprinkled with stars. It was very clear and very bright.

Azula reached her and Zuko's rooms without meeting anyone at all. She wondered where the servants—and her father—had gone. Some part of her was sure she didn't want to know.

A soft hand upon Zuko's door and she was inside. He was sitting in bed.

"Dad's going to kill you," Azula said. Her voice was light and playful.

"Go away, Azula!" Zuko said. He met her eyes. "You think I'm not sorry I embarrassed myself in front of Azulon? I don't need you adding insult to injur—"

"No, I mean Dad's literally going to kill you," Azula said. She crossed the room to touch one of the pillars that supported Zuko's bed, then rested her weight on it. "After you ran away like a scaredy-cat, I stayed and listened. Azulon said that Father needs to know the pain of losing a first-born son. And that would be you!"

"You're lying!" Zuko's voice rose to a panicked shout. "Dad would never say anything like that! Dad would never do that!"

"Do what?"

Azula turned, her smile frozen on her face. Ursa stood in the doorway.

"Azula says that Father's going to kill me!"

"What?! Young lady, we need to have a talk," Ursa said, her eyes furrowing in anger. She grabbed Azula's arm and pulled her forcefully out of the room, leaving Zuko alone, wrapped in his sheets and looking smaller than ever.

Ursa pushed Azula's door open and then slammed it once they were both inside.

"How dare you say something like that to your brother? You know how he worries about his father's approval! You know he was feeling bad enough without you taunting him!"

"But Mom—"

"No buts today, Azula. None. I've had enough of your excuses and lies. You are entirely Ozai's daughter, I am sad to say! Smiling out of one face and plotting with your other one. You may be a genius firebender, but you will never be anything more than a monster."

"I WASN'T LYING!"

Azula's scream reverberated in the sudden stillness. She turned her face away from her mother, trying to hide the tears that were racing down her cheeks.

"I…I wasn't lying," she repeated.

Ursa's eyes widened and slowly her mouth closed. Her hands slid down the door to attempt to embrace Azula, but Azula pushed away.

"No…no…how would you know?" Ursa asked bleakly, as if she already knew the answer.

"I stayed after you left when Azulon and Father were talking. Azulon said that Father had to kill Zuko, or he would have the soldiers do it."

Ursa covered her face with one hand and remained silent for a very long time. When she finally lowered her arm, she was oddly composed.

"Azula, I want you to get into bed," she said steadily. "Stay in bed. Don't leave your room tonight. Not until morning. No matter how curious you are. No matter what you hear. _Do not leave your room_. Do you understand me?"

"Yes," Azula said in a small voice.

"Do as I say. Good night, Azula. I am sorry we couldn't spend the day together." Ursa planted a cold kiss on Azula's hair and opened the door. She swept around the wood and closed it behind her. She disappeared from view.

And Ursa vanished from Azula's life.

* * *

**A/N: Longest chapter yet! Also most important plot-wise chapter yet! Lots of fun stuff happening here! I have my own headcanons concerning Ursa's disappearance, which will remain secret (for now)...**

**Much love to everyone who's taken the time to review, and everyone who's just following and favoriting! Who needs a muse when I have you guys?**


	9. Nine Years of Azula

When she first opened her eyes, Azula couldn't understand why she felt so unhappy. She could see the sunlight shining in through the blinds, and the silk was soft against her legs, and she felt more well-rested than she had in a week.

Then, as she sat up, memories came flooding back.

Ursa, standing over her, yelling. Azulon, ordering Ozai to kill his son. Zuko, scared and petrified as she told him what was to become of him.

It almost felt like a dream, the same way Ko Shen's death had felt immediately afterward. Part of Azula wanted to believe that when she left her room, Ursa would be there, fussing over Zuko, while Ozai watched impassively.

The other part of her was growing more and more excited. She could sense change, feel it almost instinctively, the way a bird knew to fly south each year. Even there, in her room, where nothing had changed, everything was different.

Azula felt energy flooding into her. She wanted to run out and observe the new world. Everything and anything seemed possible—perhaps Zuko really was dead. Perhaps Ozai had been banished.

She pulled her bathrobe off the hook by her bed and wrapped it haphazardly around her shoulders as she raced toward the door. Azula threw it open.

The room beyond looked the same as it always did. The balcony let in floods of sunlight. The low table sat with nothing on it. There weren't even servants there.

Azula didn't want to bother with looking in Zuko's room. She ran out, down the staircase, out into a larger hall, looking for someone, anyone…

The lack of guards seemed ominous. For a brief instant, the absurd notion that she was the only person in the palace struck her, but she shook it off.

The sudden sound of footsteps interrupted her wanderings. Instinctively, Azula ducked behind a pillar, waiting for the person to show themselves.

It was only a servant, rushing the same way she had come. Azula paused for an instant before stepping out from behind her column.

The servant jumped rather badly, dropping the pile of linens he was carrying to the ground.

"Oh, Princess! I didn't see you! Good morning!"

He bowed hastily while trying to collect all the sheets. Azula watched him struggle.

"What happened last night?"

"I'm not sure I should be talking about that business, Princess. Perhaps you should ask your father? I'm really not the best—"

"What happened last night?" Azula repeated, her voice dropping to a growl as she stepped forward. The sparks that flickered in the air around her were more than enough to make the servant start talking.

"F-F-Fire Lord Azulon passed away from a sudden sickness," he stammered, backing away from her. "He spent the night in pain, with only Ozai by his side to comfort him. Just before he died, he named your father his heir. Also, Lady Ursa's gone missing. That's all I know! I promise!"

Azula didn't watch him as he scurried away. His words were still ringing in her head.

Her father was Fire Lord.

…Ursa was gone.

Azula turned and slowly began making her way back to her room, her head spinning. She was in a daze. She moved one foot after the other, focusing only on the floor and her heartbeat pounding in her head. Her father was Fire Lord. Her mother was gone.

She was a real princess now.

She could do whatever she wanted.

Her pace quickened subconsciously. By the time she reached her room again, she wanted to scream, or set the whole palace on fire, or jump from the balcony and feel the wind rushing through her hair. She didn't know what to think. She didn't know what to feel.

_And she didn't care._

She shed her robe and her sleeping clothes and looked into her closet. There was a set of practical clothes, just her size, for firebending. Azula pulled them on, over her head. So what if she wasn't training? Ursa wasn't around to tell her she didn't look ladylike enough. After a brief hesitation, she pulled the set of ceremonial armor from the top shelf and put on the shoulder pads, the arm and wrist guards, and the leg braces. It was hot. She didn't care.

Azula looked in the mirror.

She was powerful and smirking and confident. Golden-eyed and black-haired and slim. Her armor said she was a warrior; the crest in her hair said she was someone important. She was nine years of cunning and deception and lies. Nine years of broken promises and failure and crying alone. Nine years of wishing and working and waiting.

Nine years of the daughter of the Fire Lord.

She was laughing, then, and she didn't care who heard. She ran out of her room again and found her maidservants waiting in the room outside. Perhaps they had been summoned by her cackling.

Hair tied up, a few minutes later and Azula was on the run again, dashing through the hallways, past servants who stopped and stared, guards who watched her with fear in their eyes…

She didn't care.

Azula hadn't really had a conscious destination in mind, but when she arrived at the doorway she knew this was where she should be.

Ursa's chambers looked exactly the way they had two nights ago, when Azula had spent the night in them. Her bed hadn't been slept in, but her clothes still hung in the wardrobe and the tables were covered in books and papers…

In here, it was difficult to believe that Ursa was gone. But the curtains were blowing in the windows, erasing her mother's scent, and Azula knew as surely as she knew her name that Ursa was gone.

In the bathroom, her mother's things were all organized neatly on the counter. Azula looked at all of them for a moment before sweeping them onto the tile with one arm.

They cracked and crashed and spilled powders and liquids everywhere. She didn't care. More and more and more until it seemed that the fate of every last thing on that counter would be to smash into oblivion on the tile.

But Azula stopped before the end. She eyed a small container filled with bright red coloring—for lips, she knew.

"You want me to look like a girl, Mother?" she hissed, tearing the lid off and letting it join the mess on the floor. "Here you go."

Azula dug her finger into the powder and smeared it wildly across her lips, before throwing it down. It shattered on the counter, but she didn't care. She was grinning madly at her reflection, loving the way the red looked on her lips. It looked like blood.

"Am I pretty enough? Do you love me yet?" she screamed, not even knowing whom she was talking to. "I hate you! I hate you!"

She forced her hand into the mirror with all her might. It shattered. Azula could feel the shards of glass digging into her hand, twisting and hurting and making her blood run down what was left of the mirror, as red as her lips.

"Do you love me yet?" she repeated, biting her lip and dropping her hand and wishing the pain she felt in her skin was enough to make up for the pain she felt in her heart.

* * *

When she first saw Zuko that morning, he was running through the halls, looking panicked. She wondered if he knew yet what had transpired. It seemed unlikely that he did. Zuko might have been older than her, she thought, but in many ways he was more naïve.

…Because he had had Ursa to guard him, Ursa to shield him, Ursa to whisper comforting things in his ear when things went badly. And now that Ursa was gone, there was no one left to protect her son from the world.

"Where is she? Where is she?" Zuko was yelling, his voice echoing in the hall, but there was no one but Azula to answer him. When he caught sight of his sister, Zuko stopped running.

He was carrying his knife, the one Iroh had sent him from the Earth Kingdom. Azula almost wanted to laugh. As if he could protect himself from anything.

"Where is Mom?" he asked desperately. She didn't answer. "Where is she?"

Quick as an adder, Azula snatched the knife from his hand and began tossing it up and down to herself. "This is a nice knife. Should have been mine, shouldn't it?"

"Give it back!" Zuko said, some of his panic melting into anger for the moment. "It's mine!"

"Who's going to make me? _Mom?" _

Azula could see the horror on his face as his eyes widened. He knew. He knew she was gone. Of course he knew. Ursa would have taken the time to say goodbye to her precious Zuko.

Azula bit her lip, still smiling, and the taste of blood flooded her mouth.

"Take it then," she said, thrusting it out at him. "Take it."

He took it and ran out of the hall and she stood there, watching him go, watching how he didn't even look back at her, and then she turned and she wanted to laugh, or smash her head against one of the walls, or set everything on fire.

Azula compromised by digging her nails into her thigh and wishing that everything would go away. She stood there, as still as a statue, staring up at the ceiling as time went by.

Zuko hadn't even bothered to ask about the bandages wound tightly around her hand.

She couldn't say how long she had stood there for. Perhaps it was seconds. It felt more like years. All Azula knew was that one minute she was standing there, her hands digging into her leg, and the next Ozai swept into the room, Zuko in his wake, and she removed her hand and smiled at her father and followed him on his way to the throne room.

The news had spread to all the nobles by the time Ozai addressed them, but there were still mutters of shock and (probably insincere) sorrow. Ozai calmly and solemnly related the tale of his father's sudden fever, the physician's inability to save him, and how on his deathbed Azulon had named Ozai his heir.

Azula wondered how long that physician had to live. Knowing Ozai, he had already died of lightning to the head sometime during the night.

When he had first seen her, Ozai had given her a queer look. She supposed she did look strange, with her lips bright red and her body covered in armor. He had ordered her back to her rooms to change into white—of course, she had to at least pretend she was mourning her deceased grandfather.

And now Ozai's speeches were over, and the nobles were clearing away, offering her words of comfort as she smiled hollowly and nodded like a wooden doll, accepting them with what seemed to be perfect sincerity but what was in fact the furthest possible thing from truth.

Ozai was, of course, moving into Azulon's seemingly endless rooms on the other side of the palace. Zuko was pleased he got his own rooms—no more breakfasts with Azula—but she had a specific request.

"Father," she called, intercepting him as he made his way out of the throne room. He stopped and turned, the firelight catching his eyes.

"Azula," he said, pausing and waiting for her to speak.

"If you approve, might I have Mother's old rooms?"

Ozai's eyes narrowed as he studied her. He took a few seconds to respond. "That is on the other side of the palace…what if I wish to speak with you?"

"I would be more than willing to come as quickly as you wish," Azula said. "Please, Father. It would mean a lot to me."

"Well, what can I say?" he said, smiling thinly. "They're yours. Tell the servants to help move your things there."

"I will. Thank you." She bowed. She turned. She left. Azula pictured herself in Ursa's rooms and knew that her mother would hate that. She would rip down everything that had ever belonged to Ursa. She would show the world that Ursa was truly gone.

By the time she returned to her mother's chambers, the mess in the bathroom had been completely cleaned. The wall where the mirror had once stood was blank now, though Azula suspected it would be replaced with another mirror soon enough.

Ursa's clothes had been removed. Her books. Her wall hangings and her personal possessions were gone. No one could have ever said she lived there, had they not known that she had.

Azula didn't sleep that night. She stayed up late on the balcony and stared up at the stars, not noticing the wind or the chill. The fire inside of her kept her warm enough.

* * *

When Azula went to school the next day, everything was different. She had twice as many guards. Her lips were painted red. But best of all, people didn't just stare anymore.

The granddaughter of the Fire Lord, nobody cared about. The daughter, however…

"Princess Azula! Can I carry your books for you?"

"Princess Azula! Your hair looks so pretty!"

"Princess Azula! I heard you're the most skilled firebender in the school!"

If it had been the first day she had ever been to school, Azula would have loved it. She would have relished the attention. She had deserved it then.

But now, she realized that they didn't care about her. They didn't care about her accomplishments, not really. They cared about her father and her status. They were all so horribly transparent, so horribly shallow. Each time they spoke to Azula, she wanted to scream. She wanted to incinerate them all. But she was a princess, so she smiled and nodded and spoke pleasant words and imagined them screaming on the inside.

"Azula? Are you okay?"

Ty Lee was staring up at Azula, her chopsticks poised somewhere between her food and her mouth as she stared up at her friend. Azula was standing over the table, carrying her tray, her eyes wide and carrying a slightly unhinged look.

"I'm fine. Just fine!" Azula slammed her tray down, spilling at least half of her soup. She didn't notice.

"You don't really seem fine," Mai observed. "Upset by all the fangirls you seem to have suddenly gained?"

"They aren't my fans! They're transparent little—little—little liars who think I can't see right through them! They like whispering platitudes in my ear and then turning their backs and laughing at me! Where were all of them last week, when I was just a minor princess?" Azula seethed as she sat down, her lips pressed together very tightly. "Nowhere to be found, were they?"

"Oh, Azula, I'm sorry," Ty Lee said, her large eyes worried. "That must feel terrible."

"Maybe now you can sympathize with your brother a bit more," Mai said innocuously.

Azula turned very slowly to face Mai. "And what exactly do you mean by that?"

"You know, he has to deal with that stuff too," Mai said, shrugging. "All the attention. All the false popularity. I know you resented him for it, but maybe now you know how it feels."

Azula's eyes were slits.

"You think it's even close to the same thing? You think Zuko's classmates ignored him before this? You're wrong. They don't care about his status. They like his stupid face and his stupid—his stupid failure!" Azula was very close to yelling.

"Guys, calm down, Mai didn't mean anything by it—" Ty tried to interject, but there was no interrupting a raging Azula.

"Every day he's ever gone to school, Zuko's been loved for being mediocre! For being 'relatable!' People can only relate to him 'cause he's as stupid as they are!"

Azula slammed a hand down onto the table's surface, leaving a black burn in the wood. Her voice was shaking.

"But me? People hate me! They stare at me and don't want to be my friends, just because I'm better than them! I'm intimidating! No, I don't sympathize with my brother, Mai! Because people love Zuko, and people fear me!"

A ringing silence fell as she finished speaking—the other students had been eavesdropping as Azula's voice grew steadily louder and louder. Now, as she looked around at them all, her glare vicious, they all hurriedly looked back down at their food or returned to their conversations. The buzz of conversation filled the room once more.

Azula tried to ignore the throbbing ache in her head and the tears threatening to fall from her eyes, but it was impossible. The lump in her throat meant that she was going to cry, whether she liked it or not.

She didn't even bother looking at her friends as she stood up and stormed from the table, out of the cafeteria and through the halls, not stopping or looking behind her until she reached the chamber where she had used to train with Ko Shen.

It was empty during the lunch period. Even though the room was perfectly clean, it felt dusty somehow to Azula—as if it were cluttered with memories, tainted by something that could never be scrubbed away. Perhaps Ko Shen's spirit was there, clinging to a pale semblance of life, trying to talk to her.

It wasn't a pleasant thought.

Azula slid the door shut carefully behind her before approaching the wall and hitting her head against the wood, over and over and over again. She could feel her headache building even as the tears started to fall from her eyes.

Over and over and over, and maybe she would forget that Zuko was Mommy's darling and she was Mommy's monster.

Over and over and over, and maybe she would forget that everyone loved Zuko and everyone hated her.

"Azula!"

Ty Lee banged through the door and grabbed Azula's arm, pulling her back. "I'm sorry! I'm really sorry! Mai's really sorry too! You shouldn't be sad. Please don't be sad."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not," Ty Lee said, holding Azula at arm's length and looking her up and down. "Azula…you've been acting oddly all day. I thought it really was just the other kids…but are you really okay with your mother leaving?"

"Of course," Azula heard herself saying. "She didn't even love me. Why should I care?"

"Oh, Azula."

The next thing she knew, Ty was hugging her. Azula stood there blankly, feeling her friend's arms around her and not knowing what to do. She could feel the pressure welling up in her eyes again. Azula gave up. Her head rested on Ty's shoulder and she cried for a very, very long time.

When her eyes were dry and her tears had all been shed and her head had stopped aching, if only a little bit, Azula straightened and pulled away from Ty Lee. She was surprised to see that her friend's eyes looked damp too—what did Ty have to cry about?

"Will you promise to forgive Mai?" Ty asked very quietly, sweeping Azula's bangs out of her face with one gentle hand. "You know how she gets about Zuko. I don't think she really meant what she said…maybe she was having a bad day too."

"Fine," Azula said woodenly. At that moment, she didn't know who Mai was. Mai was as distant as Ursa—inconsequential. Irrelevant. Unnecessary. "I'll forgive her."

* * *

**A/N: Here's chapter nine! Thank you to everyone who's taken the time to favorite, alert, and especially review. You guys are my muses, and I love you all. So please, keep giving me feedback! Love it? Hate it? Tell me!**

**Next chapter will be when the rating changes. Looking forward to it? I am. ;)**


	10. Falling

**TRIGGER WARNING: SELF-HARM, RAPE, INCEST, UNDERAGE-nonexplicit**

* * *

The funeral and the coronation, as intertwined as they were, seemed like a blur to Azula.

She remembered sitting in white, the traditional color of mourning, watching her grandfather's pure gold coffin paraded around the city while the people wept. Petals of carnations were cast over the coffin, until the streets were strewn with a carpet of the flowers.

She remembered Zuko, wide-eyed and stunned, as if he was still determined to believe the whole affair had been a dream. She wondered if he had even realized the magnitude of the change—after all, he was the heir apparent now.

She remembered Mai and Ty Lee seeking her out during the festivities, and her happiest moments were spent with them, before she was pulled away to some formalities again. The three of them laughed together, and ran through the crowds, and Azula wanted the dream to last forever. It seemed almost magical, her two friends at her side and everyone in white as they ran through clouds of petals.

She remembered person upon person, noblemen and commoners alike, coming forward to pay homage to the new Fire Lord. Nearly all of them brought presents. By the end of the ceremonies, Azula was sure that, if she never grew, she would never need to buy a new dress a day in her life. Then there were the endless caches of jewels, which made Azula wonder exactly what everyone thought she should do with a diamond the size of her fist. Make it into a tiara? Melt it? Throw it at her enemies?

She had ended up giving Ty a string of emeralds, as Azula hated green. Ty Lee's eyes had lit up at the sight, and Azula knew that, in that moment, Ty was holding more wealth than she had ever known in her lifetime. What would it buy her family? A house? Clothes? Azula didn't know. She didn't particularly care.

And then, as quickly as the formalities had begun, they stopped. No more petals, no more gifts, no more feasting. The streets were empty and night fell and Azula couldn't fall asleep, too busy thinking about the look in Ty's eye when Azula gave her the emeralds. It made her sad for reasons she couldn't quite identify.

Azula awoke the morning after, her back sore from a fitful sleep. It seemed early, and she didn't know why she had woken up, but as she sat up she heard noises.

The sounds weren't coming from outside her door—it was a general roar of noise, probably filtering in through the window. Azula rubbed her face before standing and looking out.

The room was too high for her to see onto the palace grounds, but she could see out past the walls of the city and into the bay. There was a fleet of ships docked there, and Azula knew what all the fuss was about.

Iroh had come home.

By the time she came into one of the large banquet halls for breakfast, Iroh was already there. Ozai was sitting in the throne, of course, with Iroh directly on his left. Zuko was speaking with their uncle, looking happier than he had ever since Ursa's disappearance.

Azula scowled.

"Ah, Azula," Ozai said, looking up from his plate to notice her. "Good morning." He gestured at the seat on his right, and Azula's day instantly brightened. To sit at her father's right side was an honor, she knew, one of the highest honors a Fire Lord could bestow.

Zuko, for once, didn't fail to notice the magnitude of his father's gesture. His eyes opened wide with something that was not quite jealousy as Azula climbed up to the dais and sat at her father's right hand.

"Young Princess Azula!" Iroh leaned around his brother to smile at her. "It has been many years since I last saw you. I remember you as a small child, but now my brother Ozai tells me that you are already a strong firebender!"

"Stronger than some," Azula said shortly, looking at her food and attempting to end the conversation. She disliked her uncle—she had for as long as she could remember. His overly jovial manner, the contrast between what he said and what he did—they were small ticks that became great annoyances over time.

"Of course, such change does not seem unusual anymore," Iroh said with a heavy sigh. Azula resisted the overwhelming urge to roll her eyes. "My son, dead in Ba Sing Se, and when I come home I find my father gone as well…and my brother, Fire Lord?"

"Things change quickly in this world," Ozai murmured, lifting his cup to his lips. "But change is not always evil. I, and everyone else in the Fire Nation, mourn the loss of Lu Ten. He was a good boy."

"Good, and wise, and quick, and clever, and gentle," Iroh said, shaking his head. He stared down at the table, lost in memories. "War did not suit him. I wonder now if war suits anyone."

"You will return to your senses in time, brother," Ozai said confidently. "For now, grief mars your thinking."

"You may be right," Iroh said. He smiled. "But for now, less thinking and more eating! I had forgotten how delicious properly cooked food tastes!"

Iroh barely said another word for the whole meal, far too engrossed with plates of fish and fruit. On the other hand, several of the nobles and generals who had joined them were very talkative. It seemed to be almost a contest among them to show which one could flatter Ozai more.

Azula received her fair share of compliments as well, and she smiled and accepted each one with grace that befitted a princess. None of them would ever suspect the insults she hissed in her mind as they spoke their transparent words.

When Ozai stood, Azula was eager to flee the scene. She had endured quite enough politics for the day. It would have been a different matter if they had actually had anything of substance to say—she wasn't particularly interested in how shiny her hair was or how beautiful her eyes were.

As usual, she wasn't lucky.

"Princess Azula!"

The man who had called her name was clearly a noble by the way he was dressed. He had grey in his hair but his eyes looked young. He paused to bow before approaching her.

"Yes?"

"I have heard that you are quite skilled in fighting for one so young. Would you be interested in visiting my house? We have many accounts of war, not to mention many famous paintings. We would love to have you."

He sounded like a salesperson, but Azula saw her father narrow his eyes in her direction and knew that she was supposed to go.

"I would love to come," she said, smiling. "And you are?"

"How rude of me not to introduce myself! I am Torazo, one of the Fire Lord's official scribes. If you are ready now, I have a chariot waiting. My house is not far at all."

"I am," Azula said, already bored of this man and his manner of speech. She noticed the wrinkles around his eyes and the way his mouth seemed permanently set in a frown.

Azula resigned herself to a dull day of making pointless conversation while her host attempted to slip in not-so-subtle hints about her mentioning him to her father.

* * *

The day didn't pass as slowly as Azula expected it to. Soon it was evening, and she was leaving Torazo's house and entering the palace again. Nor had the visit been an entire waste of time—her host had possessed several interesting collections of materials that Azula hadn't seen in the palace library before, including several firebending scrolls. She had asked to borrow them, and he had, of course, acquiesced. Who would turn down a princess?

Azula was too late to eat dinner in the hall with the rest of the court, but she didn't mind. For the first time in her life, she had servants bring her the meal in her rooms, and she ate completely alone as she read. It was glorious not have to listen to Zuko whine or Ursa chide. She was alone with her thoughts.

Alone, that is, until a knock sounded on the door.

"Who is it?" Azula asked imperiously.

"Princess, your father requests that you wash yourself and join him in his rooms," responded a voice, presumably that of a servant. "With all haste, please."

Azula finished eating rather more quickly than she would have, wondering what her father wanted. Calling her late was not unprecedented, but she couldn't think of anything she had done recently to warrant a lecture. Perhaps he simply wanted to ask her about her visit that day.

She bathed quickly, drying her hair and putting on her evening clothes—a tunic over pants, with an embroidered vest to keep the royal look. Hoping Ozai wouldn't scold her, she hurried out of her room and across the palace, toward the Fire Lord's chambers.

"Princess Azula!"

It was Iroh. Of course. Her uncle had an uncanny knack for appearing right at the times she least wanted to see him.

"Hello, Uncle," Azula said, with as much patience as she could muster.

"It is late. Where are you going?"

"Father summoned me. He said it was urgent. I really should go speak with him," Azula said. She desperately hoped that Iroh would take the hint.

"At this time of night? He needs to let you sleep! You're young! I'm sure whatever it is can wait until tomorrow," Iroh said, shaking his head and laughing to himself. "You work too hard for my brother."

"Nonetheless, I really should be going," Azula said. Her temper was rising. "Good night, Uncle."

"Good night, Azula," he said, his smile fading as he nodded to her and she continued on her way.

By the time Azula reached her father's rooms, she was sure that, whatever he had wanted her for, she wasn't in time. She could have thrown a fireball at Iroh for keeping her. Making her father happy mattered far more to her than making small talk with her despised uncle.

"You're later than I expected," were Ozai's first words to her. They weren't angry or even harsh. They were simply flat, simply there.

Azula could feel the sense of failure forming in her stomach. Damn her uncle. Now Ozai was disappointed in her.

"I'm sorry, Father," she said, taking a knee and bowing deeply. "Uncle Iroh kept me. He was talking about—"

"Never mind that," Ozai said shortly, turning away from her to look out the window. It occurred to Azula that her father was irritated. The fear in her stomach grew. She desperately hoped he was not about to scold her.

Ozai remained silent for quite some time. It seemed that whatever he was staring at through the glass was far more interesting than his daughter.

Azula took the time to survey the room; she had never been in the Fire Lord's quarters before. It was every bit as ornate as she had expected. Everything glittered with gold and rubies. The room itself seemed like fire, especially with the orange hangings on the bed dancing in the breeze.

Her father was not wearing his usual Fire Lord regalia. His hair was still up, but he was wearing a simple white shirt and dark red pants, though he still wore a heavy collar, inlaid with gems, around his neck. It was unusual for Azula to see him wearing less than his robes, but she supposed it was late.

"Azula, how long has it been since I became Fire Lord?" he asked, turning abruptly away from the window and striding toward her.

"Officially, Father, the coronation was only yesterday?" Azula said slowly, turning the words over in her mouth before she said them. She was sure her father was testing her.

Ozai's eyes narrowed. "How long since Azulon's death?"

"Two weeks."

"Two weeks without Ursa," Ozai repeated, a cold smile twisting his lips. Azula gritted her teeth at the mention of her mother's name, but otherwise remained utterly without emotion. "I do get lonely, you know, with my children so far away."

His voice changed when he next spoke. It became harsh, vicious, a command with no warmth in it. "Stand up."

She obeyed.

"Turn around."

She obeyed.

Ozai's eyes fixed on her, looking slightly mad. For the first time that evening Azula wondered if her father wasn't a bit drunk. He certainly wasn't acting in his usual manner.

"Take off your vest."

Azula's breath caught in her throat and the fear rapidly returned to her stomach. She obeyed, slowly, pulling the garment from her shoulders and dropping it on the floor.

"Now your pants."

She didn't know what was happening. She didn't _want_ to know what was happening. Azula felt numb as she slid the silk pants down her legs before dropping them to join the vest.

Ozai looked her up and down once more. Azula shivered, but it wasn't the chill on her bare legs. She didn't like the way her father's gaze was resting on her. Even with her tunic still on, it made her feel naked.

_Please no more. Please no more._

"…Come here."

Azula didn't know whether to be grateful or even more terrified. She forced her legs to move, and it was as if she was in a stranger's body, watching her feet take one step after another until she stood in front of her father.

He smiled.

She didn't feel any better.

Ozai raised her chin with one hand, his eyes meeting hers before taking his time to observe the rest of her body. Azula fought to keep from panicking. She wanted to run out of the room or throw a fireball or scream, but she knew it was pointless.

It was impossible to escape from the most powerful man in the world.

He apparently finished his inspection of her, for his hand was suddenly as strong as a vice on her arm. He half-dragged, half-threw her onto the silken sheets of his bed. Azula lay there, her chest rapidly rising and falling, too afraid to do anything but stare pleadingly up at her father.

Ozai was still smiling.

Then his hands were on her, like serpents, slithering up and down and light on her skin, making her shiver. She closed her eyes tightly. Azula didn't want to see his smile or his body. She didn't. But having her eyes closed was worse, for suddenly he was hanging over her, his hands on either side of her head, his knees pinning her down from either side of her waist. Even if she had been planning to run, there was no escape now.

Azula only opened her eyes when she felt the heat.

"Father-?!"

He wasn't burning her. The flame he had produced slowly caught on the hem of her tunic, before burning away more and more of the material. It was just close enough to her skin that she could feel the horrific heat, but far enough away that she wasn't burning…yet.

"Father, please, no!"

She couldn't keep her lips closed any longer. She screamed out, desperate that he would hear her and stop, hear her and let her go back to her rooms and fall asleep and pretend that none of this had ever happened…

"Silence," said Ozai in a low, dangerous whisper. Then his fingers were on her thigh, burning, and she screamed again, thrashing as much as she could before he held her down.

He was bored, apparently, with watching the tunic burn away. He pulled viciously and the seams gave way, and his daughter was naked beneath him.

"Stop it!" She was screaming, she was thrashing, and now she couldn't hold back the tears that were pouring down her cheeks like rain. "No!"

"…I told you to be quiet."

And then everything was pain, and Azula didn't know whether he was burning her or not but everything hurt and she wanted to die and the pain was so, so fierce…

And she was only cognizant of his weight on her and his breath, smelling faintly of alcohol, and his eyes, and the heat and the only foolish, insane thought she could coherently form was whether he could see those marks on her thighs from where she had dug in her nails so many times…

She only wanted the pain to fade, but it was only increasing, and she closed her eyes and _were those her screams_? She couldn't be sure. She could see her blood vessels, reflected against her eyelids, and maybe if she squeezed tightly enough all those vessels would burst and she would have something else to feel, something that wasn't as horrible as this.

Azula didn't want to open her eyes, didn't want to see him, even as his hands were still roaming everywhere and hurting and burning and touching and stroking and every touch was more loathsome than the last. And his breath was as hot as fire against her neck, and she supposed she was only lucky he wasn't actually breathing fire on her, and then he dug his teeth in until he drew blood and she forgot about luck and simply screamed again.

"Mother! Mother!" She wasn't even really conscious anymore, just screaming and wanting the pain she felt, everywhere on her body and everywhere in her mind, to go away. She couldn't cope. She couldn't.

_I want to die. I would rather be dead than this._

But no matter how many times she wished it, she still drew breath.

Azula didn't remember how she got back to her room. She remembered her father's face and maybe something else to wear and then servants, and then the next thing she knew she was sitting in the bath, more alone than she had ever been in her life.

And then she screamed, louder and louder than she had ever screamed with Ozai, and the tears poured down her face and sobs wracked her thin body as she counted the burns and the bruises and _she couldn't take it._ And Azula sat in the water and sobbed and it heated until it was searing, and she slowly watched her skin blister and then she screamed even louder and then two servants came for her and pulled her out of the water and she was kicking and thrashing and she wanted to die. She wanted to die. She had never desired anything as much as she wanted death in those moments. And even when the servants left after posting a guard in her bathroom and one outside of her door she kept screaming, and she dug her fingers into her thighs and scratched everywhere and hit herself until not an inch of her was intact, until she was covered with bruises and wounds and burns and she wanted to die. She wanted to die.

And eventually she wore herself down and fell asleep in a crumpled pile, nine years of the broken daughter of the Fire Lord, nine years of the girl abandoned by her mother and brother and uncle and everyone who cared about her, and she wanted to die.

When Azula awoke, she was lucid again, and she looked at her bruises and remembered the night before and tried to keep herself from crying.

And her whole body was sore and she was still hurting on the inside and she still wanted to die.

Then the servants came to get her ready for school and Azula was shaking her head and hiding in the corner of her room like a wild animal and she couldn't go to school she couldn't go anywhere people couldn't see her like this. But she didn't care and she was screaming and she burned a servant and someone was yelling and then suddenly there was someone standing in the doorway.

"What is going on here?"

It was Ozai. Of course. The Fire Lord again, dressed as regally as ever, surveying the scene with an imperious eye.

"Azula doesn't wish to go to school, Fire Lord," one of the servants said, in what was possibly the understatement of the century.

"Doesn't wish to? How foolish." Ozai crossed the room to look at his daughter, cowering in the corner. "You will go to school, Azula. Do you want to make me mad?"

And something broke inside Azula, and suddenly the pain was gone. She stood, and she didn't shake, and she met her father's gaze with blank, listless eyes. "Of course not, Father. I'll go to school."

And somewhere, deep down, her mind was still screaming.

* * *

**A/N: Hello, everybody! How's it going? This chapter passes the 30,000 word mark for us! Exciting, yes? I know I'm happy! Anyway, thank you as always for your reviews! They keep me writing (well, that and my own muses, but whatever)! **

**So this chapter the rating changed, and as a warning, I feel it's necessary to say that things will not exactly be going uphill from here. I did promise it would get dark, didn't I...? Don't worry, there's always points of light!**


	11. An End and a Beginning

Azula was used to seeing bruises cover her skin. They were, after all, an unavoidable part of any combat training. From a young age, her legs had been covered in brown spots. She never minded. They seemed like badges of courage, little marks that told anyone who was looking at her that she was strong.

For the first time, Azula wore a long-sleeved shirt under her school uniform. The burns and scrapes on her arms became invisible, and yet at the same time she longed for someone, anyone to see them and ask her what was wrong.

She knew it would never happen.

In her morning classes, Azula threw herself into the work with a vengeance. She needed something, anything, to distract her from the pits at the edge of her mind. She didn't want to think. She didn't want to feel. She was a machine, working as quickly as possible just to forget. She answered every question she could. She wrote and solved problems and read her textbooks with an unparalleled fervor, as if she was clinging to a life preserver. The instant she stopped working, she feared, she would slide backwards and the thoughts would overwhelm her. And a panic rose in her chest, until she wasn't working to distract herself, she was working to survive.

If the other children saw the mad, frenzied look on her face, they didn't comment on it. Azula was sure they would be whispering about her when they next saw their friends, but who cared?

_Let them whisper, the fools. Let them gossip. They know nothing._

By the time lunch rolled around, Azula was exhausted. Not just her body, either, but her mind. She felt drained, empty, like a water skin that had run out of uses. She wanted to go home and sleep—but each time she thought that, she remembered what waited at home and fear licked at the edges of her mind today.

"Azula, something bad has happened, hasn't it," were Ty's first words to her as they began to make their way together to the lunch room. "Your aura looks horrible. Like grey. It's worse than Mai. Usually you're so pretty and purple!"

"Oh, it's nothing," Azula shrugged, feeling as though a dagger had lodged in her stomach. She didn't want to tell Ty Lee. She didn't want to tell anyone. She wanted to run and hide. "Iroh came home yesterday. You know how much I…well, I'm just not happy he's back."

"That funny tea-drinking old man?" Ty Lee shook her head and giggled to herself. "I just don't understand why you hate him so much! Isn't he a war hero?"

"No," Azula snarled. "He's a coward who fled because of personal pain. Any true warrior would have fought on, placing country above selfishness. He was so close and he backed down. It's pathetic. And now he acts like nothing happened."

"How did he react to finding your father on the throne?"

Mai had silently joined them from behind, falling into step on Azula's other side.

"He seems perfectly fine with it," Azula shrugged. She wanted to drop the matter of her uncle as soon as possible. Just the thought of his smile made anger burn in the pit of her stomach. He wasn't a warrior. He wasn't anything to her. The only one he had cared about was his son.

"…You hate that you can't tell what he's thinking, don't you?" Mai said after a pause, her eyes resting on Azula's face with something akin to concern in them. "You don't like him because he's unpredictable."

"Yes, unpredictably dull," Azula said impatiently. "If you must know, yes, that is part of why I don't like him. The other part is just…him. I hate his smiles and his laughs and his obsession with tea. I don't understand why he was the favored child when my father was clearly brighter, more capable, and more ambitious! Only those who grasp for it deserve power. Iroh deserves nothing. He deserves to have a dead son."

She broke off abruptly and bit her lip, hard, looking straight ahead so she didn't have to make eye contact with either of her friends. Part of her felt ashamed for what she had just said. Most of her was delighted. Taking her anger out on Iroh felt wonderful.

"Let's talk about something else," Ty Lee said, just as the three of them entered the cafeteria. "How's your firebending coming, Azula?"

"Fine, I guess," Azula said. She led them over to their usual table by the window and sat. She found that she didn't have an appetite. "I miss Ko Shen. He actually taught me how to think. Now my teachers just teach me form after form." She sighed. "It's not even difficult."

"Why don't you work on forms in your own time?" Ty Lee suggested brightly.

"I obviously have," Azula snapped. "It's not as easy when I don't have a teacher, okay? Not to mention that I'm really busy now what with war meetings and Father liking me to attend all of them…"

Her voice trailed away at the mention of her father and she stared out the window, fighting the urge to bite her lip again. The pounding was back in her ears. She didn't want to go home. She could not go home.

"Azula? You okay?" Mai was tapping her gently on the shoulder.

Azula turned back to face them, a quick shiver running down her whole spine. "No. Not really. But maybe I will be."

* * *

It was a very beautiful day. The sun shone high over fields of flowers that swayed in the wind. The sky was a deep blue.

At the far end of the field, a woman stood, gathering flowers in her hands. Their red color matched her robes exactly. Though the woman did not turn, Azula recognized her.

"Mother!"

She ran through the flowers, trying to catch up to Ursa, trying to see her face and hug her and disappear into her warmth one last time.

But then the woman turned, and she wasn't Ursa. She wasn't a woman at all.

Ozai loomed large over his youngest daughter, and though Azula tried to run the flowers became thorns and held onto her legs, and she was bleeding, and she was screaming…

She woke in a cold sweat.

A quick fireball showed that she was alone in her room, mercifully. She fell back against the pillows, her chest moving up and down as she tried to wipe memories and dreams both from her mind.

It was just a dream. Just a dream.

_So what if it was? _she thought dully. Her reality was worse than that dream had been.

Abruptly her door creaked on its hinges and opened a crack, sending a thin line of light across her room. She drew the sheets up to her chest, suddenly shaking.

"Wha-who's there?"

A face she hadn't expected peered around the doorway. Zuko looked disheveled with his hair down to sleep. Normally it was always up in that tidy ponytail.

"Oh, you're awake," Zuko said, opening the door wider and standing awkwardly on the threshold. "Sorry. I thought you might…I mean, I was walking…I, uh, heard you screaming." He shifted, not comfortable meeting her eyes. Azula stared flatly at him.

"When did you start caring?"

"Do you have to be like that?" Zuko asked defensively. "I just wanted to make sure nobody was attacking you in your sleep or anything like that. Okay? You are my little sister, and now that…" He swallowed. "Now that Mom's gone, we have to look after each other."

In that instant, Azula hated her brother more than anything else in the world. How dare he tell her he was looking out for her? If a few screams in a dream were enough to rouse him, where had he been the previous night? Where had her uncle been? Why had nobody come to help her?

"I don't care that Mom's gone," she said venomously, lunging forward so that she was half-kneeling, half-laying on the bed. "She only ever looked after you! She only ever cared about you! Where was I? She didn't know the first thing about me! You want me to look after you? Fat chance of that, Zuko. I don't need your help. I don't need anybody's help!" Her eyes were getting a crazed look in them. _"I'm just fine."_

Unbidden, the memory of the night before Ursa's last day in the palace rose in Azula's memory. She remembered her mother holding her close, comforting her from the fear of the storm and of the lightning. That had been after a nightmare too. Why was her family only there in the aftermath, and never when she needed them?

"I'm just fine," she repeated, digging her teeth into her lip as tears started down her cheeks. Zuko looked panicked. Clearly he had no idea what to do with a crying Azula. He hesitated in the doorway before taking a few tentative steps into the room.

Azula didn't look up. She kept her gaze squarely on her lap as her shoulders shook and she tried to keep herself from sobbing. She didn't move until she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"If you need anything, I'll help you," Zuko said carefully. "I…do want to look out for you, Azula."

"Do you?" Abruptly her sadness morphed into anger. She raised her head to stare at him, almost animalistic in her fury. Her eyes were shining slits of gold. "You have a strange way of showing it, Zuko. I don't care what you want. I don't need you. I don't need anyone. I'll prove Father wrong. I'll prove everyone wrong. I can do it alone."

"Do what alone? What are you talking about?" Zuko's voice was getting defensive again. He backed slowly away. "I'm not saying you need me! I just wanted to help!"

"I don't need your help today, brother," Azula said, smiling as she half-rose out of bed. "Now leave. Get out of my sight."

"Are you sure you're all right?"

"Leave!"

And for the first time in all their childhood, Azula conjured fire with the intent to injure Zuko. He didn't need telling twice; the fireball hit the wall just as he escaped through the door.

Azula lay back against her pillows, her small frame shaking as she began to cry in earnest. She hated herself. Why was she crying? Why was she so weak? What was Zuko to her, Iroh to her, Ozai to her? Where were they when she needed them?

_I don't need them!_

She screamed it over and over again in her head, her fingers digging deeper into her thighs each time the words repeated. She was fire. She was a princess. She didn't need anything or anyone.

But all the same, alone in that dark room, remembering the horror of the previous night, Azula couldn't help but wish that her mother was there, holding her close and saying that everything would be all right.

* * *

A week passed before Ozai summoned her again. The fear rose like bile in her throat, and more than anything Azula wanted to kill the servants and refuse to go anywhere, but she knew resistance was futile. At least, this time, she knew what to expect.

The pain wasn't any less, but she managed to keep her mouth closed. She couldn't stop the tears, but she could stop the screams. What was the point in screaming? No one who heard her could help her. Her father was the most powerful man in the world. Neither she nor anyone else could stop him from doing precisely what he liked to her.

And even as his breath ran harsh over her face, reeking of alcohol, and his hands clenched her waist until they left bruises, she couldn't stop herself from thinking that she was weak.

_If I was stronger, he couldn't hurt me anymore. If I was stronger, Mother would have loved me. I would have more friends. I would be able to bend lightning…_

So foolish were the dreams that they simply made her cry harder.

* * *

Another week rolled by, and then another. Every day blended together: Azula spent her days drowning in work and her nights living in fear. Day after day. Week after week. Her friends might have noticed the change, but if they did they failed to comment. Though they spent the same amount of time with her, Azula seemed to be growing more distant.

As for her firebending, Azula continued to master form after form, practicing in her own time the more advanced movements that her deceased teacher had taught her. She couldn't help the looming fear that she was stagnating, and spent endless hours in the library, researching air, earth, and waterbending for any forms she could adapt to her purposes. Any at all.

The war itself continued on the same path. More and more of the Earth Kingdom fell to Ozai's armies. Only a few regions remained unconquered, Ba Sing Se among them.

And so was the state of things when slowly spring drifted into summer, and Azula roused herself from her waking nightmare to realize that soon school would no longer be in session.

The thought was purely terrifying. She didn't want to spend endless days and hours at home. Spending her evenings there was torturous enough.

But as it seemed luck would have it, fate intervened.

It was on a particularly warm day in early summer, after school, when Azula was summoned to the throne room.

She went without question, though she took her time making her slow way through the endless halls, all the curtains billowing in the wind. It was a clear day, when the sky was purest blue and Azula could see all the way to the horizon.

Azula was relieved to find that she was not alone with her father—Zuko had been summoned as well, and several of Ozai's generals stood in the room. She bowed deeply to the throne before taking her place, kneeling beside Zuko.

Ozai shifted in the throne to observe them. It seemed he was not in a hurry to explain why he had summoned them.

When he finally spoke, his words were slow and hesitating. "Soon both of you will be, for the time being, out of school."

The two children nodded in unison. Ozai glanced at Captain Zhao before continuing. "My wish was to keep you in the palace, training every day with private firebending teachers."

Azula felt excited for a brief instant before her mind registered the past tense in her father's words.

"However, all of my best firebenders are on the front, and therefore unavailable. Then Zhao brought it to my attention—"

Azula wanted to grimace at the mention of her least favorite general, but couldn't with her father present.

"—that one of you will inherit the throne someday."

Zuko seemed to freeze at their father's wording. Azula smirked inwardly.

"As such, he suggested the alternative of sending both of you to the Earth Kingdom." Ozai wasn't looking at them; he was staring over their heads at the great curtain with the emblem of the Fire Nation on it. "Not on the front…perhaps to the colonies, or recently conquered villages, in order to learn about war. About our war."

Azula's heart sped up again. A trip? Without her father, surely, for he would have important duties in his nation. She couldn't have asked for more. Perhaps she would have to change her views on Zhao after all…but frankly, she doubted it.

"Whatever pleases you, Father," she murmured, touching her forehead to the stone floor before sitting upright again. "I, for one, would love to go on such a trip."

Zuko's eyes were shining. "It would be like being a general! Seeing what our people experience every day! It does sound wonderful!"

Ozai gave him a look, and Zuko quieted.

"You would be under Zhao's supervision, and I am sure it goes without saying that it is your responsibility and yours alone to keep your neck safe."

Ozai's eyes narrowed on Zuko again. Azula relished in the delicious feeling of watching her father torment her brother. She had to get her thrills any way she could.

"That's all." Ozai raised his hand in a clear dismissal before his eyes seemed to fix more firmly on them. "And Azula, I will see you tonight."

"Yes, Father," she said, her stomach dropping as she stood and bowed, ignoring the curious look Zuko was giving her. She couldn't care less about what Zuko thought, though she did wonder whether he had noticed her near-nightly excursions across the palace to their father's chambers. He hadn't said anything to her—probably she would have burned him if he had.

But still, even with the looming horror, the idea of a summer free of fear made Azula's spirits lift nonetheless.

* * *

**A/N: Hello, everybody! Here's chapter 11; I hope you enjoy! Thanks to everybody for your awesome reviews. They help inspire me to keep writing! So the story is now transitioning into a slightly new story arc, which will continue for the next few chapters. New, exciting material coming up for all you pretties! By the way, I have no idea how long this will be. I've written 23 complete chapters so far, and Azula just turned ten. As I plan to take this through the end of the series, it might be really, really long. That would be hard, but really exciting.**

**SO! See you guys in two weeks! I think I'll be out of school then! Review, and I hope everybody has a nice Mother's Day!**


	12. The Drifter

If Mai was surprised to see the Fire Nation Princess appear on her doorstep, it didn't show.

The servants had been beside themselves when they opened the door and saw Azula, immediately ushering her in, seating her in the lounge, and bringing mugs of tea almost as soon as she sat down. Azula wrinkled her nose at the tea—it reminded her too much of Iroh.

"Princess Azula doesn't like tea," Mai said quietly as she entered the room. "Bring something else."

The servants were bowing and scraping then and rushing about as Mai walked over to Azula, bowed shortly, and seated herself across from the princess.

Mai looked different, Azula noticed, at home. Her hair was down and her clothes were sleek and shining, almost as nice as Azula's. The sunlight reflecting onto her face made Mai almost appear to glow. It was moments like these when she really did look two years older than Azula.

"It's good to see you," Mai said, lifting her cup. "I didn't realize you knew where I lived."

Azula snorted. "It's not exactly difficult to find out. Ask a guard, find out you live on the main road, walk here. And here I am." She lapsed into silence, watching the sunlight shimmering on the silky material of the couches.

"Can I…help you with something?" It seemed Mai was treading with caution, curious as to why Azula was there but not wanting to upset her.

Azula made a noncommittal noise. Mai opened her mouth to speak again, but before the words came out Azula spoke.

"I'm going to the Earth Kingdom."

"Permanently?"

"Of course not," Azula snapped. Mai tried to hide her smile. "Just for the summer. I don't think Father wanted to let me—us—go."

"What are you going to do there?" Mai took a sip and lowered her cup. "Fight?"

"Hopefully, but Father says we'll be away from the action." Azula shrugged. "We're just supposed to get a feel for the land and the people, whatever that means. I think we're just supposed to get a feel for ruling."

"It sounds fun," Mai said. "Do you want to go?"

Azula shrugged. "Yes and no. I've never been out of the Fire Nation before. I can't wait to see what the war grounds look like, and I will see them whether Father forbids it or not. On the other hand, Zhao's the one escorting us."

"Oooh," Mai said, grimacing with pity. "I know how you feel about that. But it'll be worth it."

"Three months in a faraway land with Zuzu," Azula mused, now more to herself than to Mai. "Without you or Ty…or Father."

"Are you scared?"

"Of course not!" Azula glared at her friend. "What is there to be scared of? I bet I could beat all of the Earth Kingdom generals. I don't need guards! I'm not afraid!"

"I don't mean afraid of the soldiers." Mai's gaze remained stoic. "I mean afraid of just going. Leaving everything you know. It's scary, even if it's only temporary, isn't it?"

"Don't attempt to tell me how I feel," Azula said. "You'll get nowhere, I can promise you that."

Both of them lapsed into silence, Mai watching the cup in her hands, Azula staring out the window at the sun-stained city. The only sound to interrupt them was the faint sound of feet going up and down stairs, somewhere else in the house.

The silence stretched on so long that Mai leaned her head back and closed her eyes, looking almost like a cat basking in the warmth. Abruptly Azula stood.

"I'm leaving now."

"Oh." Mai opened her eyes and stood as well, more slowly. "I'm sorry, Azula. I didn't mean to upset you. I wasn't…I mean, I wasn't trying to talk down to you or anything. I just really wanted to know how you feel."

"I know," Azula said with a twisted smile. "But give it up. You have no hope. Even I don't know what I'm feeling. How could you begin to understand it?"

Mai blinked.

Azula had nearly reached the door when she whirled back to face Mai, her eyes blazing gold and her hands clenched tightly at her sides. Though she was a good foot shorter than Mai, at that moment she looked as tall as her father.

"Tell me, Mai, who do you care more about? My lovely little brother, or me?"

Mai's eyes widened. She took a few seconds to respond, and Azula clenched her fists tighter, resisting the overpowering urge to rake her fingers across her arm.

"You, of course," Mai said, after the pause had only stretched a bit longer. "You're my friend. You're my princess."

Azula took several deep breaths, ignoring the voices in her head that were screaming liar. She didn't want to think about lies. She didn't know why she had bothered asking. She couldn't trust the truth from Mai. She couldn't trust the truth from anybody. Slowly she turned to face the door.

"And who do you fear more, Mai?" Her voice was like ice.

This time there was no pause.

"You."

* * *

They had been at sea for several days—Azula hadn't been keeping track. She watched the waves and the islands go by, trying to avoid talking to anyone but especially to Zuko.

The group was on one of the larger battleships, since it contained not only the royals and their escorts, but an additional three hundred soldiers. After Iroh's troops had returned home, it was essential to provide reinforcements to prevent the Earth Kingdom from gaining ground.

Azula had her own cabin, where she spent most of her time. She was constantly wishing that she had thought to bring something from the palace library. The reading material on the ship was rather limited, and she certainly did not want to pass the time by conversing with anyone.

The crew of the ship didn't speak to her unless she invited them to, which suited her just fine. She had taken to sparring with some of the soldiers for training, and could already feel her firebending skills improving. At first, they had been reluctant to attack the Fire Lord's daughter, but she had quickly proven herself capable of handling them in a fight, and then the matches had become more interesting.

On occasion Zuko would watch her matches, his eyes narrowed and his mouth tightly clenched. Azula smirked at him whenever possible, which served only to make him angrier. She didn't know why he bothered to watch if they put him in such a bad mood. If her superior skills really bothered him, he should just train more.

Just as Azula started to bore of the endless repetition and seeing nothing but water for days on end, someone sighted land, and the ship became a flurry of activity. All the crewmen were running around, manning the oars and steering, making sure they were about to enter the correct port.

Azula and Zuko had been invited up to the highest point on the ship to enjoy the best view of the harbor. Yes, Azula thought, leaning against the wood and feeling the wind in her hair, there were some perks to being royalty.

"Hey, there are Earth Kingdom ships docked in that port," Zuko said sharply, squinting at the horizon. "Why are they there? Has the base been captured?"

"No, Prince Zuko," said the sailor on lookout duty. "The army likes to keep some enemy ships for incognito missions."

"How can you tell whether they're our ships or their ships?" Zuko asked.

The sailor winked. "We've got signals to warn each other. The ones in port, though, have different sails, so we know for sure."

"What if the enemy learned the signals? Or got hold of the sails?" Azula said.

The sailor shrugged. "It's happened. We change them. That's why we only use Earth Kingdom ships sparingly—not to mention the fact that they're wooden." He jerked up suddenly, his eyes fixed on the horizon. "Oh, there we are. Best go below, you two. We'll be landing soon."

* * *

The little port village in which they landed was nothing compared to anything Azula had ever seen. She was fairly certain that the entire village could have fit in the palace. She had heard tales of the size of Ba Sing Se, but if the evidence in front of her eyes was anything to go by, not all Earth Kingdom cities followed that pattern.

Two female servants carried her luggage down onto shore for her. She followed them, walking the narrow bridge between ship and dock and fearing falling into the water. It was one thing to be on the ship, safe, with railings beneath her and the ocean, but looking into the dark swirling depths when she could fall into them at any time was frightening.

"Princess?"

Azula realized she had been staring at the waves, frozen in place.

She squeezed her eyes shut and opened them again, finishing the walk across to the steadier dock, where she could view the ocean in peace.

"Is drowning always deadly?" she asked innocently of one of the servants.

"No, Princess. If rescuers can get the water out of the drowned man's lungs, and air back into him, then he may survive." The servant bowed. "But still, it is unsafe to swim in deep water alone."

"Thank you," Azula snapped. "I'm not an idiot. Tell that to my brother, not to me!"

"My apologies, Princess." The woman bowed again. Azula looked away angrily.

The soldiers were unloading from the ship, putting their armor on and arranging supplies. Many of them were carrying weapons. Azula spotted Zhao, and loath as she was to speak with him, she didn't recognize anyone else.

"Are they preparing for battle?"

"Ah, Princess Azula," he said, looking down at her. "Yes. Many of the soldiers will be sent immediately to reinforce the shakier fronts where we have lost too many. They ride in a different direction than we do."

"Ride?" Azula repeated.

"Ostrich-horses." Zhao gestured with one hand to the edge of the docks. "There are stables. We'll be taking them as well."

"I see." Azula turned away to see Zuko, standing with his servants. He was watching all the soldiers with interest as well. She moved to join him, leaving Zhao without another word.

"Where do you think they're going?" Zuko asked, without taking his eyes off of the men.

"Probably somewhere where Uncle Coward withdrew his troops," Azula said, feigning disinterest. "I'm sure you could ask someone if you really want to know."

"Uncle Iroh isn't a coward," Zuko said, his bright expression of interest changing into one of frustration. "He came home 'cause his son died!"

"He came home because he was too weak to deal with the loss of a family member," Azula scoffed. "Please, Zuzu! If I were at war and I heard news of your death, you know what I'd do?"

"Probably throw a party," Zuko muttered, looking away.

"Precisely," Azula said. Her smile said that she wasn't joking. "Then, of course, I would hunt down the armies you died fighting and eradicate them, since you weren't able to."

"Can we stop talking about this?" Zuko said angrily. "Why do you have to be so mean all the time?"

"I'm not being mean," Azula said, indignation clear in her voice. "If you think this is mean, maybe you should meet Father again, hmm?"

She instantly bit her lip and both of them stared at the ground as though she had said something taboo. Even here, far, far away from their father, Ozai still seemed as real and immediate as the ocean. It was as if speaking about him would summon him, no matter how ridiculous that was.

"Prince Zuko! Princess Azula!" An unfamiliar soldier rode up beside them on the most ridiculous animal Azula had ever seen. The ostrich-horses seemed lopsided, awkward, and she wondered how they could balance. They were far stranger-looking than any of the animals she had seen the Fire Nation soldiers ride back home. "We're heading for camp now. Come; I've been instructed to guide you to your mounts." He wheeled the ostrich-horse around and it began trotting away from them.

It looked even more ridiculous when it was in motion, Azula thought scornfully, as she, her brother, and their servants followed the man on foot.

Next to the stables, from which emanated a horrific smell, another soldier was holding the reins of two more of the creatures. Both of them were smaller, suited to their riders.

Azula's had a long, spotted beak and one eye that kept rolling backwards. She arbitrarily decided she hated it.

General Zhao rode up beside them, also mounted. "We'll be riding north for the rest of the day. Don't fall behind."

"Why don't we have komodo rhinos, or mongoose dragons?" Azula asked. She did not want to be stuck with these stinking creatures.

"The rhinos are too slow for long journeys, and mongoose dragons are in short supply," Zhao said. "Ostrich-horses are the best transport in the Earth Kingdom…though of course, I understand if you were expecting something better, Princess." He smirked and rode away, pulling back to the column of soldiers.

Zuko looked quickly around at all of the mounted soldiers before attempting to haul himself up onto his creature's back. His arms locked in its feathers and his feet scrabbled at its sides until he found a way to pull himself steady. He sat on the ostrich-horse's back, looking mildly pleased with himself.

"Please," Azula muttered under her breath. Determined to do the act more gracefully than Zuko, she locked one arm around her mount's neck and attempted to pull herself around. Startled, the creature squawked, twisting suddenly and lifting its feet. Azula lost her balance and her hand slid from its neck. She landed hard on the ground. Dust clogged her vision.

Azula gasped for air. Once the ringing in her ears cleared, she realized that they _were laughing at her._ The soldiers all around were chuckling to see the daughter of the Fire Lord lie in the dirt. Then Azula was so angry she forgot about breathing. One hand pushed her up while the other groped for her ostrich-horse.

"I've never ridden before!" she roared. A column of fire surrounded her as she stood. Distantly she heard one of her maidservants scream. The soldiers fell silent.

This time, well aware of the eyes of everyone on her, Azula found herself able to clamber onto her ostrich-horse, if not as gracefully as she would have liked. She was surprised it hadn't been spooked by the fire, but the soldiers must have trained them to be combat-ready.

"We're heading out," someone at the head of the column called, and with a great stamping of talons the soldiers started moving. Azula was in the rear, Zuko in front of her. She glared at his back, hating every inch of him.

_I shouldn't have lost my temper. I shouldn't have lost my temper._ She repeated the mantra over and over again as they began moving, hoping that the words would ease her anger.

The sun beat down as they rode. Before long Azula wished she had a conical hat of the kind some of the soldiers were wearing. They might have looked ridiculous, but her black hair was like a furnace and her clothes were not exactly cool.

She had always imagined that riding would be exciting. In the paintings and great epics, a mounted steed was the best way to travel. But now, the rocky gait of her ostrich-horse was more jarring than exhilarating, more droning than exciting.

It felt as if they rode forever, though in reality it couldn't have been more than a couple of hours. Azula had drained her waterskin by the time the distant settlement came into view, but she wasn't about to stoop to asking Zuko whether he had any left.

As they rode closer, she saw that the village was heavily walled, with a fortress-like structure built in the middle. While the main buildings had metal roofs, most of the structures were wood.

General Zhao, in front, slowed, and somehow Azula managed to steer her ostrich-horse up next to him.

"Why is a military base for firebenders made out of wood?" Her tone was irritable; she didn't have the patience for tact after what felt like days on an ostrich-horse.

Zhao smiled. "The troops do all their firebending training in the fields to avoid burning the fort. But Princess, shipping metal can be difficult, and this is a relatively minor base. Most of the metal supplies go to the larger groups. It's not necessary."

Azula muttered something under her breath and turned to rejoin her brother. Up ahead, the Fire Nation soldiers were pulling the gates of the fort open.

"It seems like a weird place for a base," Zuko said, looking around.

Azula had to agree with him. There was nothing but plains surrounding them, broken only in the distance by the faint outlines of hills and the gleaming of a river.

"I'm sure there's some reason for them to be here," Azula said slowly. "Maybe it's near an Earth Kingdom village, and they're positioned to keep an eye on the citizens?"

Zuko shrugged.

"But then why wouldn't they have conquered it? Maybe they're getting ready to. Maybe they will while we're here. Zuko, we could see a raid. Forget that, we could be in one!"

Zuko shielded his eyes from the sun with one hand as he turned to look more closely at his sister. "You mean burn Earth Kingdom villagers, take slaves, and crush all opposition?"

"Exactly." Azula's eyes gleamed at the prospects, and for an instant she had a glorious vision of herself, older, standing in the ashes and surrounded by men she had taken personally captive. And for a few brief seconds, Azula let herself believe in that future, and she smiled.

* * *

Their quarters were small and clearly not intended for royalty. Azula and Zuko each had a room to themselves, joined by the small bathroom. Their servants had to sleep on the floor. Even with the windows open, the room was warmer than Azula was used to.

That night, she had a nightmare.

It wasn't one of the usual suspects. There was no laughing, headless Ko Shen, no lightning, and no Ozai there to break her apart. There wasn't even Ursa, looking sorrowfully down at her daughter.

There was just the ocean.

She couldn't breathe. She couldn't see anything. There was a deafening roaring of the waves, right above her head, but she couldn't swim through to the surface. There was no surface, just the water everywhere, dark and light and foaming all at once.

Her lungs were screaming for release. Her brain was screaming for air. Her limbs felt weak and useless as she gulped gallon after gallon of water. There was nobody but her, nobody but the child of fire and the infinite ocean, so eager to consume the spark. So eager to destroy her.

She woke in a cold sweat and tried to forget.

* * *

**A/N: This is not one of my prouder chapters, but I hope you guys enjoy it nonetheless. The story is transitioning here into a brief Earth Kingdom arc, which will run until about chapter 16. Exciting material coming up, I promise.**

**Thanks as usual to everybody who has taken the time to review! I really appreciate it, you guys!**


	13. Teacher and Foe

Zhao was away on a mission. They weren't to be babysat; they would have to entertain themselves. They could expect the rest of the trip to look similar.

Azula didn't mind. She didn't need a babysitter, certainly not Zhao. The barracks and the other buildings in the small compound were interesting enough to keep her occupied for the time being.

Half a day had already gone by, and she had eaten breakfast with her brother, watched two soldiers spar in the yard, found herself a map of the surrounding area, found a map of the entire kingdom, challenged Zuko to a board game and lost, wandered around in an effort to memorize the location of everything on the premises, and only gotten yelled at once, by a burly soldier who apologized as soon as he recognized her.

Her occupation, Azula thought, was only to forget the nightmares. After she'd woken from drowning, she'd fallen back to sleep—but that only meant she had to return to her sleeping world. This time it was the usual nightmare: Ozai was there, Ozai was everywhere, and when she woke up the healing burns throbbed more painfully than ever.

It was high noon and the compound seemed emptier. Azula supposed that many of the soldiers had ridden off with Zhao. What they were doing, she didn't know. Presumably scouting work.

The heat was stifling. There were few trees in any direction, though short, scrub-like plants and grasses covered the ground. The people of the Earth Kingdom were doubtlessly resilient, Azula thought, to live in a place like this.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a laugh and a thud nearby. She looked around. Azula was standing in the center of the compound, between the barracks and the small supply shack. The sounds were drifting from farther away, in the training field.

Some of the soldiers gave her strange looks as she, a nine-year-old girl, entered the field. Though there were weapons racks inside, none of the soldiers were using arms—they were practicing bending.

Azula watched for a few minutes, mesmerized as she watched them trade attacks in bursts of flame. It was far wilder, far less coordinated, than the sparring she had seen back home. These were true soldiers who had seen battle and knew it intimately.

No one out on the field was paying her much attention. They were all too focused on the fight—it seemed there was betting happening.

"Come on, Zara! Kick his ass!"

"Don't let her win, Mushon!"

The yells made for nice background sound as Azula crossed to a lonely corner of the field, alone and trying not to think of the others. It had been too long since she had practiced in earnest. The ship had been too cramped to allow real space for bending.

The moves came easily to her mind as she thought of them, form after form, blending together in grace and power. She saw herself moving through them, committed the image to mind, and snapped her eyes open.

Some of the forms were rusty. Azula jumped, flipped, and slid easily from position to position, noting the way the different moves made her ache. It had been too long. Rather than draining her energy, the bending only seemed to invigorate her, until she was adding on to her usual routine.

Salamander. She slid low to the ground and kicked a circle of flames around her before jumping immediately into the Hawk…no, she changed her mind midair and committed instead to the Phoenix. Azula landed it perfectly and slid her feet apart, finishing the routine by sliding her legs and arms apart in tandem, a burst of flame erupting from either hand.

She opened her eyes, panting. It wasn't good. She had muddled forms she usually hit with precision, and her sloppiness on some of the final details was unforgivable. She shook her head and resigned herself to examining each form, separately, and repeating them until she managed perfectly…

"Princess Azula!"

The tone was loud, rough, and not a voice she recognized. Azula looked around to see a man wearing light leather padding, the designs on his armor proving him to be a commander. He was short but extremely muscular.

"Yes?" she said.

"I've heard you're a great firebender, and I just saw that myself. Truth be told, not much I can teach you about firebending."

"So?" Azula raised an eyebrow, wondering who this man was and why exactly he was talking about teaching her when she had never seen him before in her life.

"But I can teach you other things. You know much hand to hand combat?"

Azula shook her head. "There are forms designed to help with…"

"Yeah, I know." The man snorted and then spat in the dirt. "But bending's not too reliable up close, you know? It requires forms and concentration. Better to just focus on the grappling while you're grappling, that's what I say."

Azula remained silent.

"But I'll teach you. Useful to know, right? Fighting at close hand doesn't need tricks or forms. It's down and dirty. You'll like it." He smiled to reveal, surprisingly, a full set of white teeth.

The other soldiers in the yard were all watching them furtively, though whether because of her firebending display or him, Azula couldn't say.

"I would be interested to learn whatever you would give."

"Great. Let's do it. Come at me."

Azula stared at him. He hadn't even taught her anything. Was she allowed to bend? Were they just going to fight? Come to think of it, she was much smaller than him.

"You don't want to? Fine, I'll come to you!"

He moved surprisingly quickly, running like a bull toward Azula, who jumped out of the way. He turned and came at her again, his arms up as if he was going to punch her. She dodged again, panting now. The sun and the fire inside of her made it too hot to spar in such conditions. How could he keep it up in his armor?

He ran at her a third time, and instead of simply moving this time, Azula aimed a kick at him before jumping back to circle him like a wild animal. Her foot connected ineffectively with his thigh.

He stood there, turning to face her as she danced around him. Azula tried not to think about the sweat dripping down her face, or the short breaths coming from her lungs, but it was impossible.

He relaxed suddenly. "You're quick, and that's good, but if you dance around all day, you'll tire yourself out."

She stopped moving, her hands still defensively up. "So what?"

"So engage me! Don't just kick! Come in! Go for the vitals, the crotch, the face, anything you can reach! If you aren't bending and you don't have a weapon, you use your body. Come on, let's try again, and don't run away this time, or you'll be dead before we start!"

He lunged for her again, and this time Azula swerved to one side before coming back hard to slam into him. He barely moved, but she could feel the air knocked out of her. She slumped back, gasping for breath.

"That's stupid, Azula!" He was laughing. "You're smaller than me. Don't body slam me! Go for the weak points—eyes, throat, crotch! Use your speed against me!"

His cavalier use of her name, without her proper title, served only to anger Azula. She wanted to bend, wanted to burn him, but at the same time thought that would cheapen her victory. She wanted to beat him on his terms.

She faced him squarely as he began running at her again, and just before he reached her she crouched, low to the ground, her eyes focused on his face.

Azula sprung upwards like a tightly coiled spring, aiming straight for his face. One hand latched on his shoulder, the other around his throat, and her legs were kicking wildly and looking for holds on his clothes. She was biting, squeezing, what exactly she didn't know, until she tasted blood in her mouth and then she was flying down to hit the ground hard.

"Much better!" He was beaming above her, not seeming to notice the crimson line streaming down his cheek where her teeth had latched. "You need a lot of refining. A lot. But we'll work on that, Azula. We'll work on that."

"Commander, messenger hawk from Zhao." Another soldier, panting, ran into the yard. "He wants you to meet him at the rendezvous point."

"That man always calls at the worst times," the man said, shaking his head gravely. "I'm sorry, Princess Azula. We can continue tomorrow, same time, same place."

He disappeared out into the side door, and Azula realized she hadn't even gotten his name.

She looked around. The other soldiers training in the yard were observing her. One of them, the woman who had been fighting when Azula first arrived, spoke.

"That's Commander Malfon. He's in charge here whenever Zhao's not around."

"Malfon?" Azula repeated the name, making it a question.

"He was born in the colonies, and for whatever spirit-blasted reason his parents gave him an Earth Kingdom name." The woman shrugged. "I'm Zara. That was some amazing bending you did."

"Thank you," Azula said stiffly. The compliments didn't seem to mean much when they were coming from grunts…but then, these people had seen combat. They knew what it was like. She would have to treat them with more respect.

"I can't believe you came all the way out here from the capital," Zara said. "Why'd you bother? There's not really anything here."

"Commander Zhao offered. He said it would be good experience," Azula said. "I hope we get to see fighting while we're here."

"We? Oh, right, your brother's here too, huh? The crown prince? What's he like?"

"Useless and noisy and irritating," Azula said, her eyes narrowing. She looked Zara up and down. "I'll give you some advice. If you want to be on my good side, don't mention my brother."

Zara held up her hands defensively. "I was only asking. Won't do it again."

"Good." Azula turned and began walking toward the gate, eager to return to the barracks and wash. The afternoon had barely started and she already felt prepared to lie down and sleep for a century; the heat in the Earth Kingdom was going to take some getting used to.

The small bathroom she and Zuko shared didn't have a bath in it. During their stay, Zhao had told them, they would have to use the communal baths the soldiers shared—one for the women and one for the men. With a combination of awkwardness and resignation, Azula got a fresh change of her clothes and headed down the stairs to where the baths were, underground.

They were fairly deserted this time of day, though a handful of female soldiers were still there, their voices echoing eerily off of the walls.

Azula made her way to the far wall and took several deep breaths before, with shaking hands, she started peeling her clothes off. There was nowhere else to change, and she knew that, but even so her breath quickened and dark, poisonous fear crept into her mind. For the few instants while she undressed, she was back home, abandoned and naked in front of her father.

She slipped into the water at the farthest end of the bath as was possible. She didn't want the others to talk to her, or notice her scars. As she scrubbed herself, she counted each wound and each mark Ozai had left on her skin. Some were on their way to healing. Some would never fade.

After she finished washing, Azula sat back and rested her head against the stone edge of the pool. The hot water felt nice against her skin. The sensation did much to calm the riotous fears that had crowded her mind just seconds before.

* * *

_Mai and Ty,_

_ I've arrived in the Earth Kingdom. It seems to be entirely desert from what I've seen, but the maps show a great deal of wetlands and forest as well. I don't know if I'll see any of them on this trip. All I care about is seeing combat. A general here has decided to teach me close fighting. You two take lessons on that at school, don't you? Ty's flexible, so I bet she's good at it. Personally, it's hard to get used to not fighting with fire._

_ Seeing the ocean from the Earth Kingdom's shores was different from at home. Back there, there are always islands to break up the horizon, but here it's just blue from the seas to the skies. Some say it's pretty, but not me._

_ Mai, Zuko's fine. He only got seasick once on the journey over. I'm keeping track of everything he whines at during the trip._

_ For your information, I'm only writing because there's nothing better to do, not because I miss you. But still, send me letters to keep me busy. Your princess commands it._

_ Azula._

She finished the letter by signing her name, rolled up the scroll, and handed it to one of her maidservants, ordering the girl to find a messenger hawk.

There was a knock on the door. Azula opened it to see Zuko, his hair up, wearing an ornate silken robe.

"To what do I owe the pleasure, Zuzu?"

"We're supposed to have dinner with the commanders," Zuko grumbled, coming into the room without invitation. "I thought we should look nice."

"Is that directed at me?" Azula snorted. "Never mind. I suppose I can dress up for a meal in the barracks with soldiers. Seems pointless, but maybe it's just me."

Zuko muttered something under his breath about crazy sisters as he left again.

They entered the dining room together, arm in arm, the way siblings would at any great feast back at the capital. Azula was wearing a silk dress with a high collar and a high hem, embroidered with dragons.

The dining room was surprisingly nice for a military outpost. Tapestries covered the walls, one of them picturing the Fire Lord himself. Azula tried not to meet her father's eyes, even though they were made of thread.

A more awkward meal would be hard to find. Of the six commanders who all lived at the base, only three were present. Malfon was out on duty, but where the other two were nobody seemed to know.

The three who were there were unfamiliar to both siblings. They seemed to be under the impression that they were babysitting, and what little conversation there was seemed stilted and forced. Azula found her patience wearing thin long before the last course was served, and as time went on the fake smiles became harder and harder to produce.

"I hear you're quite a reader. Ever read about me?"

"No, Commander Hu," Azula said calmly, in response to an enormous bearded man who had drank too much and become increasingly more bawdy as the meal went on.

"The things they'd say would be too ugly to put in books for little girls, I suppose," Hu laughed, trading smiles with the other generals. Zuko shifted uncomfortably at Azula's right.

"I don't know what you mean by that," Azula lied, opening her eyes wider and forcing herself to meet the commander's eyes with an expression of innocent confusion.

Commander Hu leaned in close, as if he was about to share a great secret with her. His breath reeked of alcohol, another reminder of those dark nights with Ozai. Azula tried to calm her heartbeat.

"I'll tell you when you start to bleed," he said in a stage-whisper. Hu leaned back and roared with laughter along with his comrades.

Azula's golden eyes became abruptly flat, disk-like, as the smile on her face slowly twisted.

"Aw, don't mind him, Princess," the oldest general said. He had a merry face and a white beard. "Us soldiers aren't as cultured as you city folk. He doesn't know how to talk right to royalty."

"It's true, it's true," Hu sighed dramatically. "M'apologies, Princess."

"Of course." She smiled and wished that they weren't members of her father's army, so that she could burn them all and laugh while she did it.

* * *

It was late and Azula couldn't sleep. Her maidservants were both asleep on the floor, the sound of their peaceful breathing filling the room.

After tossing in bed for what felt like hours, Azula got up, tiptoeing carefully around the sleeping women on her way to the door. She opened it noiselessly and exited her room.

She was descending the steps to the main level when she heard voices at the bottom of the stairs. One of the speakers was Hu, but she didn't recognize the other.

"Looks like you got a pretty good haul."

"Oh, sure, and I might've cheated a bit, but who cares? It's not like the Earth Kingdom idiots can tell the difference."

They shared a laugh.

"I'm going tomorrow night, and I don't care what anyone else says. It's been a week since I've had a girl and a good game. Cover for me, won't you?"

"Think cover's even necessary? Zhao's gone, and he's the only one who objects…"

The voices drifted away, along with a creaking of floorboards. Azula remained immobile until she was sure the coast was clear. She continued down the stairs, now with a destination in mind.

From what the two men had been saying, there was a nearby Earth Kingdom village where they had gone to gamble. Not only was such action outright treason, but it might be a real way for Azula to bring Hu down.

The small hut where the messenger hawks roosted had a large map of the surrounding area tacked to one wall. Azula found the outpost on the map, marked with the symbol of the Fire Nation next to it. She traced her finger to the surrounding towns. Several were also marked as belonging to the Fire Nation, but a fair distance away was an unoccupied Earth Kingdom village. The tiny writing on the map labeled it as Ellorm.

"Wouldn't Father be disappointed to see his military officials falling so far?" Azula murmured to herself, surveying the map further. And, slowly, a devious grin slid across her face as she began to think of a plan.

Hu wasn't the only one going to Ellorm tomorrow night.

* * *

**A/N: Hi, everybody! How's it going? Doing well? I am. Anyway, I have an exciting announcement! Since it's summer and I'm ridiculously ahead anyway, I will be updating weekly instead of biweekly for a while, until autumn comes again. **

**Thanks to everybody who's taken the time to favorite, alert, review, and just plain read! Shoutout to **erisol** for taking the time to review every chapter. I appreciate it, and I want you to know that. Keep feedback coming, everybody. Critique, concrit, flames, whatever. Tell me if you love it or hate it.**

**By the way, I wrote another Avatar oneshot that's more of a friendship piece focusing on Azula and Zuko. It ties directly into Snow. It's called They See Different, so check it out.**

**Since I'm in a chatty mood today, I'd also like to recognize my beta. She's my friend IRL and we often read each other's work, and she helps me read over each chapter and polish it up. Her FF account is **sharadethia**, or find her on tumblr at **1-url-to-rule-them-all**.**

**I think that's it! See you all next week!**


	14. The Gambler

The day seemed to last forever.

It had followed the same pattern as the previous day, starting with breakfast, then training, then wandering around and feeling distinctly bored.

On the whole, life in the barracks was far less exciting than Azula had hoped. The only thing she could look forward to were her training sessions with Malfon, but he hadn't yet returned from whatever mission he was on. She was left to practice by herself, finding the stares as she bent more annoying than encouraging. She was used to her classmates staring. She had expected better from trained soldiers.

But night had come at last, as it always did, and Azula was excited.

She had raided the armory for a nondescript-looking cloak and tunic, and had somehow managed to sneak out of the main barracks without being seen. She was waiting in the stables, half-hidden in the straw and the dust, waiting for Hu to appear so she could follow him.

A moon shone brightly overhead, and even if the moon was a symbol of waterbending prowess, Azula thought it was energizing her. She didn't know if her excitement came from how boring the past few weeks had been, or with the thought of bringing someone down.

Maybe it was both.

The door to the stables slid noisily open, and Azula held her breath. The cloak blended in well with the walls, but the faintest noise might give her away.

Hu was evidently trying his hardest for silence as well, but he was so large that moving without noise was next to impossible. He crashed into one of the stables and swore loudly, covering the sound of Azula's nearly silent laughs.

His ostrich-horse was one of the largest in the stables, with a crooked beak and a gleaming, wicked-looking eye. If Azula wasn't such a novice rider, she would have wanted to try riding it, if only for the experience.

Hu led his beast out of the stables before mounting it. Azula heard nothing but a series of faint grunts before the quiet sound of talons stamping. She counted in her head before standing up and crossing the stables to her own ostrich-horse.

She managed to mount (mercifully) without falling this time, and she could clearly see the prints of where Hu's ostrich-horse had gone. That was one good thing about the sandy ground.

Azula kicked her steed into full speed and then she was flying across the desert, out of the post and into a stretch of barren land, and with the full moon overhead and her black hair streaming in the wind, she didn't know if she had ever felt freer.

Before too long she saw Hu on the horizon. He was moving slower than her, one of the disadvantages of his much larger steed. Azula slowed, careful not to let the sound of her ostrich-horse drift up to him. She was determined to stay hidden.

The ride lasted less than an hour when Azula began to see buildings on the horizon. The village appeared tiny compared to the capital, but then what wouldn't?

Hu began to slow as he reached the town as well. Azula stopped altogether, watching him from a distance, careful not to make any sounds lest he notice her. He had dismounted and was leading his beast to a hitching post, where he carefully tied the reins. He pulled his hood to cover his face and disappeared behind a building.

Azula edged her ostrich-horse slowly forward until she was close enough that she felt comfortable dismounting. She tied her steed to the post as well.

The village was mostly quiet but for the loud sounds of laughter and yells coming from a well-lit pub at the edge of the town. Azula was willing to bet that was where Hu had gone, and it was where she was going.

She checked her cloak to make sure her face was well-shadowed. Azula had purposefully not worn her usual shade of crimson lipstick in an effort to hide her identity. She wasn't worried about the Earth Kingdom villagers, but she didn't want Hu finding out about her.

She couldn't deny that she was nervous as she marched up to the tavern and pushed the door open. The smell of alcohol and urine instantly assaulted her senses, along with the roar of sound. She shook her head, trying to clear it, before going further inside.

"Kid, what're you doing here? Go home." A bald man, presumably the bartender, grabbed her by the shoulder. "This isn't a good place for kids."

"Let go of me!" Azula said irritably, shaking him off. "I can handle myself!"

He laughed. "You're determined, at least. Well, you want to stay, don't blame me. Not serving you anything except water, though, so don't bother asking. If I see anyone giving you something to drink, I'll kick you out. Got it?"

"Yes," Azula said impatiently. It wasn't like she wanted to drink anyway; she was only interested in spying on the wayward Fire Nation general. The stench of alcohol was already reminding her too vividly of Ozai.

She caught sight of Hu at one of the rowdier tables in the corner. A whole gang was gathered around the table, watching five men play a game with alternating dice and tiles. Azula was willing to bet that they were the gamblers.

Azula strode over, ignoring the laughs as she passed other men and women who were easily twice her size. If worst came to worst, she was more than capable of defending herself.

"You're blocking my view!" one of the watching men said impatiently, pushing her before he noticed her stature. "Hey, you're just a kid. What're you doing in a place like this?"

"I just wanted to watch," Azula said. "What are they playing? How do you play?"

"Watch and you'll catch on," the man said, losing interest in this strange girl and turning back to watch the game.

Indeed, Azula was beginning to see the gist. One of the gamblers would throw down an initial bet before rolling a handful of dice. The numbers he rolled determined the number of tiles he could take from the pile. The tiles were inscribed with different images, each representing an increasing number. After everybody rolled, they compared tiles to see which player was in the lead. The money was redistributed, the bets were thrown again, and a new round started.

It didn't seem particularly difficult at all. It was, essentially, a game of luck, though more than once Azula saw the players exchange their tiles with ones hidden up their sleeves.

She couldn't understand why they were throwing their money away on luck until the end of the game, where the play changed entirely.

Each player was now hiding what tiles they had. If a player withdrew from the game, they kept their current money. The play went in a circle for two betting rounds until they showed their tiles and collected their winnings.

A slow smile crept onto Azula's face. It was bluffing.

She pushed through the surrounding watchers, ignoring their protests and shock at seeing a nine-year-old in their tavern.

"I want to play," she said, adopting a slight accent in the hopes that Hu wouldn't recognize her voice.

As one, the players roared with laughter. One of them leaned over and patted her on the head.

"Maybe tomorrow, with the other kids, but at this table we bet using real coins."

"So do I."

Azula pulled a sack of coins from one of the pockets of her cloak. It paid to be royalty—literally. Ozai had given her and Zuko a liberal sum of money before they left. What exactly he expected them to spend it on was unclear, but Azula was willing to bet their father didn't imagine she would be gambling it away.

The looks on the players' faces changed as Azula produced the gold. Money seemed to negate her age. If she was willing to gamble, they seemed to think, they would be more than happy to take her gold.

"If you really want, kid," Hu finally answered. "But don't expect we'll go easy on you."

Azula smiled, and the game began.

She bet five coins the first round, more than anyone else. The watchers were roaring with laughter at this little girl, clearly not knowing what to do with her money.

_It is luck, but if I can bluff the others…_

They bet, they rolled, they swapped tiles and money. They bet, rolled, and swapped again. At the end of the third round, they started drawing tiles and keeping them hidden.

Azula looked at hers. She didn't have a winning hand, and her tiles weren't high enough to give her a chance of victory.

She inspected them more closely and smiled. The highest tile, the sword, was identical to the lowest, the reed, but that the sword had a line across the middle. Azula had five reeds and no swords.

Holding the tiles loosely in one hand, Azula concentrated with all her might. She drew her finger across the reed, focusing fire intensely at the point of her finger. Slowly the wood burnt away, leaving the gouge that signified the sword.

The only evidence was the slight smell of charred wood, a scent that was undetectable to any nose but hers. Azula smirked on the inside and repeated the process with each of her reeds.

The betting round came. Azula threw nine coins into the pile, to much laughter and general amusement. Nobody folded. Clearly they believed that the size of her bet was due to inexperience, not her tiles.

Then Hu doubled her bet, and the two men before her folded.

Azula paused a few seconds, appreciating the dramatic increase of tension, before laying her tiles down in front of her. Five swords.

Hu's eyes widened in disbelief. For a few seconds he looked as if he was going to snap at her, but he simply shook his head slowly, laughing to himself.

"I never thought I'd see the day. Never. How old are you?"

"Nine," Azula said.

"Beaten by a nine-year-old." Hu threw his hands up. The watchers were all laughing now, no longer at Azula but at Hu's obvious discontent.

"Does that mean I win all the money?" Azula asked innocently, reaching forward.

"Yeah, it does," one of the other players said, shaking his head and laughing to himself. "That was something! Beginner's luck, I'd say. Want to play another round and see how good you really are?"

"I don't know if I should," Azula said. "I think it's past my bedtime. I don't want my parents to worry about me."

Another outbreak of laughter. Azula thought of her parents—one missing, one far away and thinking of conquest. They wouldn't worry about her no longer how late she stayed out, would they.

"But I'll come back," she promised after a pause, smiling. "I had fun."

Outside the tavern, in the abruptly cold night air, Azula's good mood passed quickly. The town was silent, and suddenly she felt lonely and shallow, not victorious. The added weight on her hip, where the bag of coins now rested, seemed like a shackle.

And abruptly, Azula imagined her mother.

Ursa's likeness in Azula's mind was perfectly clear as she frowned in worry down at her daughter.

_Not only gambling, but cheating to win? I'm disappointed in you, Azula._

_Shut up,_ Azula thought, trying to silence her imagination. _You have no right to tell me you're disappointed. You weren't there when I needed you._

_I'm always there, dearest. Just because you don't see me…_

_You weren't there!_

Azula almost screamed her last words aloud, and then came to. She was standing outside an Earth Kingdom tavern having an imaginary conversation with her missing mother.

…_Maybe I really do need some sleep._

The ride back to the outpost seemed twice as long. Once or twice Azula's eyelids drifted shut, only to snap open when her ostrich-horse stumbled over a twig or a piece of rock. By the time she reached the fortress's gates, she was exhausted.

The smallest gate in the back was left unlocked for Hu. Abruptly Azula remembered the true purpose of her excursion. What was the use in gambling? She had all the money she could need. The only reason she had followed him was to find everything indicting she could. Azula could have punched herself. How could she have forgotten the mission in the heat of the moment?

When she reached her room and changed slowly into her silk pajamas, she ran her nails again and again and again across her bare stomach as punishment.

* * *

"Why do you look so tired?"

"Oh, no reason, Zuzu," Azula snapped. "No reason that's any of your business, anyway."

He shook his head from across the breakfast table. "I was just asking, Azula. You really shouldn't bite people's heads off just for asking you questions. It's called conversation."

"And I'm sure you're an expert at that, hm? Little prince Zuko with his friends and his mother and his perfect life." Azula scoffed and looked away. Just looking at his face seemed to incense her. His expression reminded her too much of Ursa.

"What are you even talking about?" Zuko shook his head. "No. You know what? I don't care. Never mind. I'm done."

He stood and threw his napkin onto his plate before storming away.

Azula stared at her own food, suddenly not as hungry anymore. She was feeling sorry for herself. She was exhausted from her previous late-night journey and still hadn't forgiven herself for getting distracted and having fun gambling.

Yet some part of her was urging her to return that night, to talk more and be the center of attention for something other than being a princess.

Azula wondered what her father would say. She didn't exactly think he would approve, but neither did she think he would be entirely opposed to the idea. She could imagine him throwing his head back, roaring with laughter as he pictured his daughter gambling.

Azula didn't want to think about Ozai any longer. Even in her imagination, her father laughing at her hurt more than strangers laughing at her.

* * *

_Hi, Azula!_

_ It was great to get a letter from you. Messenger hawks are really fast, aren't they? I wouldn't know, since I've never sent a letter by one before! It would make a good pet, I think, except the one you sent is kind of mean-looking and tried to bite me when I petted him._

_ What are you up to over there in the Earth Kingdom? I don't like sand except on beaches. It's hard to get out of your clothes. I hope you're managing okay getting the sand out of your clothes. I know it's tough. But you have servants to do that for you! By the way, I'm writing this letter with Mai looking over my shoulder. I think she wants to write something too. I'm using her brushes and pens._

_ Hey, Azula. Mai here. Things are too calm without you around. I've almost started missing the sparks and random fires ruining my favorite clothes._

_ Just kidding. Kind of. It is nicer to have you around. You make things interesting._

_ Bye, Azula! Write us back soon, okay? I don't want to be stuck alone with Mai forever. Things are too grey with just her!_

_ Mai and Ty Lee_

* * *

The days in the Earth Kingdom stretched into weeks. Before she knew it, Azula was used to the heat and the sun. Her skin was gaining some color—she had an awful sunburn across her shoulders. Zuko wasn't as pale either, though he was constantly complaining about his new skin tone.

Zhao had finally returned along with Malfon, and the trip had become more exciting. As promised, Malfon resumed his training sessions with her, until Azula could at least hold her own against him in a hand-to-hand match. She practiced her bending daily, of course, but there was also something fulfilling about being able to defeat an enemy without needing bending. It was a skill that would come in useful someday, she was sure.

The gambling trips continued. After the first time, she swore not to go again, and after the second she promised herself that she would wait a week, and soon she was going nearly nightly. The bartender learned her fake name—Tei-Nan—and soon nobody was blaming her victories on beginner's luck.

Her grudge against Hu faded slowly. Looking back, she thought it was stupid of herself to have hated him so quickly. He was a skilled firebender, she learned, and a genius field commander. He had stood beside Iroh at Ba Sing Se.

"The troops were swarming everywhere. The breach in the outer wall crazed all of us…we could see victory in sight then. I was charging forward, ready to kill any soldier who got in my way, when this crazy yell came from the side. The Earth Kingdom army was sweepin' back around, and they caught the flank unawares. He was in my unit, you know, Lu Ten. I was fightin' to the front lines as best as I could, but I saw him get cut down. I remember bringin' the body to Iroh. I've never seen a man look so broken," Hu relayed one night at dinner, to a varied audience. The other generals looked as if they'd heard the story a thousand times, which they probably had, while Zuko leaned in attentively and Azula only feigned disinterest.

As she grew used to the sand in the shoes and the calluses on her feet, Azula's first month in the Earth Kingdom passed away. Her bruises healed. Her burns faded into scars. For hours at a time, Ozai became nothing more than a distant nightmare, something far away that couldn't really hurt her.

But never for longer than a few hours.

It was on an unusually cold day that Azula saw the real signs of the war raging in the Earth Kingdom. There was smoke, smoke in the distance. The scent carried on the breeze, along with ash.

Surely signs of fire were good news for the Fire Nation, but the generals seemed uneasy.

"Do you think they're burning an Earth Kingdom town?" Zuko asked Azula eagerly. The two were sitting outside, watching the activity as soldiers rushed back and forth. For once the sun wasn't scalding; the thin layer of smoke served to shield them well.

"I hope so," Azula said. "But if they are, why is everyone getting ready as if there's going to be a battle? Maybe it was a signal fire or something."

"If it was, we won't know," Zuko sighed, leaning back. "Nobody tells us anything."

It was true. At the camp, the rule of thumb seemed to be to tell the royal siblings everything they absolutely needed to know, and nothing more.

Zhao interrupted their conversation by pulling up beside them on his ostrich-horse. He looked unusually grim. A red-feathered messenger hawk was perched on his shoulder.

"There's news from north of us. A squadron of our troops has been routed. We're going to provide reinforcements. I'm leading the charge. You shouldn't lead the fort, either of you, until it's safe again."

He pulled away before they could ask questions or even get a word in edgewise. Azula frowned after him.

"How many of the soldiers do you suppose they're taking?"

"A lot?" Zuko shrugged. "I guess we'll know after everybody leaves. It's taking a long time for them to leave, though."

"How do you know what a long time is?" Azula asked. "Have you ever seen soldiers prepare for a quick mission before?"

"No, but—"

"No, nothing. Think about it, Zuzu. We've seen that they're short on certain supplies, so they have to consider rations and packs and how many supplies to take with them and how many to leave here. Everybody needs an ostrich-horse, armor, and weapons. These things take a while. I would know." Azula crossed her arms and closed her eyes.

"How would you know?" Zuko asked crossly. "Like you've ever seen battle mobilization before!"

"Maybe I haven't, but it's really just common sense." Azula sat up and met her brother's eyes. "Besides, I read."

It was easily another hour before the signal finally came and the troops began the move out, with a great stomping of talons and huge clouds of dust. Azula and Zuko watched them go, Zhao at their head. A majority of the soldiers at the fort were heading out, it seemed. If not exactly the shiny-armored, brave warrior horde from the stories, they at least made an impressive sight as they disappeared into the distance.

"I hope they come back," Zuko said after a pause, voicing the thought they had both been thinking.

Azula picked at a dead plant beside her. "I hope they win."

* * *

**A/N: Happy Father's Day, everybody! Nothing much to say today, but I hope everybody has a good day. See you next week, and be sure to leave a note!**


	15. Doubt and Daring

The scent of smoke intensified as the afternoon went on.

The few soldiers who remained at the outpost seemed on edge. Azula wondered if they had friends who had gone. Lovers. Companions.

She tried to imagine Mai and Ty Lee going off to battle without her, but it was impossible. No matter what fantasy she contrived with the three of them, she was always leading them with a handful of fire and sheer confidence.

The only commander who had remained behind was, ironically, Hu. Even he was more somber than usual, abandoning his usual lighthearted attitude to instruct the other troops on how to maintain the fortress's security. Azula wondered whether he was planning on sneaking away to gamble that night. Perhaps he was responsible enough not to.

The three of them ate dinner together as usual, but without the other commanders, the room seemed small and the conversation shallow. Azula didn't speak. Her eyes were fixed on the tapestries in the room, her mind racing with fears she couldn't quite voice.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in," Hu said.

It was one of the lower-ranked soldiers. He nodded to the commander and bowed to Azula and Zuko before speaking hurriedly.

"There's been an issue in the armory. Atzon needs your help."

Hu sighed. "At a time like this? I'll be sure to give him a good thumpin' when I'm done cleanin' up his messes. I'm sorry, you two. I'll be back."

He moved his immense bulk from the table and disappeared out the door, following the solider. Azula stared at the closed door for a few seconds before standing as well.

"Where are you going?" Zuko asked.

"I'm going to follow him." Before Zuko could get a word in edgewise, she kept speaking. "It's not wrong. It's within our rights to know whatever's happened in the armory, isn't it?"

"If you say so," Zuko said doubtfully. "Don't blame me if you get in a lot of trouble, okay? I'll just be here, being the well-behaved one for once."

Azula rolled her eyes before crossing to the door and slipping silently out of the room.

She tiptoed down the long hall. Though what she had said to Zuko was completely true, she didn't feel entirely comfortable revealing herself. Something seemed off about the whole scenario, though she couldn't place her finger on what it was.

Hu was on the other side of the open ground, under the roof that hid the back gate to the fort—the one he snuck in and out of on his nightly gambling sessions. Azula could hear snatches of conversation, as if Hu was speaking with someone on the other side of the gate. The soldier who had brought Hu the news was nowhere to be seen.

Azula risked a few steps closer, and then a few more. There was nowhere to hide if Hu heard her, but she was determined to overhear whatever he was talking about.

"…I've told you once already, Atzon, dammit. You're fine as long as we're here. What's it been, two months since we had this conversation?"

A pause. The other person was speaking too quietly for Azula to pick up on his half of the conversation.

"What do you mean, you want assurance? What can I do I haven't already done? They're to the north. They won't touch your piddly little village—no, I'm not about to betray you, provided you brought the gold. Keep payin' me and I'll keep you safe. That's our deal. My commanders don't know about you, so stop comin' here. It's only more suspicious. I'll deal with you when I go there."

This time Azula heard the other voice speaking breathlessly, still too low and too quickly for her to understand entirely.

"Give me the money and leave. Go. You're so worried about your health, why're you hanging 'round where you're most likely to get gutted? Shoo! I don't care about you."

After only a brief few seconds, Hu slammed the wooden door and let out a deep sigh.

Back in the shelter of the overhanging roof, Azula's heart was racing. Her only cover was the shadows, and if he turned around…but never mind her. She had just heard him confessing treason. Forget about visiting an Earth Kingdom village to gamble, that was one thing. Receiving bribes in return for protecting a village? That was quite another.

If her father had been there, Azula had no doubts that he would have executed Hu on the spot. She wasn't Ozai, however, and didn't know what to do.

There wasn't any more time to think. Hu was turning around, muttering to himself about something. Azula held her breath. She was too afraid to run. She didn't know where she could go. Moving, any movement, would make too much sound, and she was terrified.

"I know you're there, Princess." His voice was surprisingly soft. Even through the darkness and the distance that separated them, their eyes met. "I'm not angry. This can stay between you and me, can't it? The little gambler has secrets of her own, doesn't she."

Azula couldn't help herself. "You knew?"

"We're not all as stupid as you seem to think, Azula," he laughed. "I looked at the tiles. Any firebender could see they were burned. Besides, how many nine-year-olds who are both brave and cunning enough to do that are there? I had my suspicions when you first walked into that tavern."

"Why didn't you stop me?"

"It was fun watching you. You were so happy with yourself, so prideful, so smug. You had no idea I was on to you, and that made it better. Of course, I told my gamblin' friends. Ever wonder why none of them roughed you up? Bothered you? They knew who you were."

"So what?" Azula was numb with anger. She didn't know whether to be more furious at herself or at the loathsome giant standing in front of her. "None of that is important now, is it? I know you're a traitor. What do you suppose my father will do to you when he hears?"

"If he hears," Hu corrected. "It is a long journey back to the mainland. Besides, young girls have such faulty memories. If you were to hit your head, you probably couldn't even remember what happened to you."

For such a broad man, he moved astoundingly quickly. Azula had barely enough time to tense herself before he was thundering toward her, and she became swiftly aware that he had an overwhelming advantage in such a closed space.

She aimed two fireballs at his face, but he blocked easily enough. He was too fast, and even as she tried to shift into a defensive form, his weight was upon her.

Azula tried to cry out as she felt his hand cover her mouth. She couldn't breathe. For a few seconds she felt, vividly, that she was living out her dream of drowning.

Then Hu took her by the shoulders like a rag doll and slammed her head against the wall.

She barely had time to note the pain before her eyes went black.

* * *

"Azula? Wait, I think she's waking up! Her eyelids are moving! Azula, it's me, Zuko. Are you okay? Can you open your eyes?"

Azula's head was throbbing intensely. The instant she became aware that she was awake, she wanted to drop back into unconsciousness to escape the pain. She shook her head as if trying to get rid of a fly, before giving up and opening her eyes.

Zuko was leaning over her, worry written on his face. Their servants were behind him. Azula was lying on her bed, she realized.

"Water, Princess?" One of the maidservants offered her a cup, which she took gratefully.

"Are you okay?" Zuko asked again.

Azula put a hand to her head and nearly cried out when she found the spot she had been hit. A lump was already swelling there. She was probably lucky there was no blood.

"No, I'm not okay. I have an egg on my head. Do I look okay? My head hurts!" She squeezed her eyes shut and gulped down some of the water, not noticing when she spilled some on her front. "What happened?"

"We were going to ask you," Zuko said, exchanging a glance with one of his servants. "General Hu brought you back here. He said it looked like you'd fallen."

The name was all she needed. Azula lunged forward in bed, her eyes abruptly murderous. She bared her teeth, for an instant looking quite insane.

"Him! Him—he did this to me!"

"General Hu? Why would he—"

"Don't question me!" Azula snarled, her eyes scanning the room as she gnawed anxiously on her lower lip. "It's true. I overheard things he didn't want me to know, so he tried to stop me from talking. Where is he? When I get my hands on him…"

"He told us to stay in here and look after you. He made it sound like he was going somewhere. But what are you talking about? What did you overhear?"

"There's an Earth Kingdom village and he's—well, he's been accepting bribes…no, I don't have time to explain. I'm going to kill him!"

Ignoring the protests of her servants, who both rushed to help her, she climbed out of bed. Instantly the blood rushed to her head and she swayed heavily.

"Are you sure you should be moving?" Zuko asked, trying to place a steadying hand on her shoulder. She shook him off.

"No, but I don't have a choice, Zuko! This is serious. I don't know what Hu's going to do, but he's the only commander here and I'm betting at least some of the soldiers are loyal to him."

"You don't think he'd—you know, kill us?" Zuko said incredulously, still trying to comprehend what his sister was telling him.

"I think Ba Sing Se would give him a great deal of money for the Fire Lord's heir," Azula said grimly, a smile stretching her lips. "And at this point, it looks like the money is all that's talking for Hu."

Zuko looked pale. "You're right. We've got to get out of here."

Azula managed to make it to the door, her legs getting stronger the longer she stood on them. She tried the handle and swore.

"Locked. Of course."

She waved her maidservants aside as she took a few carefully measured steps back, crouching slightly and holding her hands at her waist.

"You're not going to—"

Ignoring the deathly throb of her head, Azula hopped, pivoted, and smashed a fire-reinforced foot through the door. A gaping hole resulted. The second kick knocked the wood off of its hinges.

"You shouldn't be bending in your condition, Princess," the older of her servants said, rushing to support her. "You could hurt yourself."

A clawlike hand reached up to grasp the woman's windpipe.

"Do us both a favor and don't attempt to tell me when I should bend and when I shouldn't," Azula hissed. The look in her eyes said that she would kill her servant then and there.

"N-no, of course not, Princess," the woman choked out. Her eyes were watering. "Please, that hurts…"

"Azula! Stop!" Zuko ran over to the door and grabbed Azula's arm. "She was trying to help you. Let her go!"

Azula released her.

"Come on, Zuko," she snarled, a mad light gleaming in her eyes. "You're coming, right? Unless you want to wait here to die."

They followed her down the halls. Azula wasn't trying to hide anymore. Her savage fury and determination to find Hu had given her a new energy. Even as her head pounded, her blood rushed through her veins. So they would see combat on this wayward vacation after all, even if it came in the form of fighting corruption rather than enemies.

Azula welcomed the challenge.

The first soldier they encountered was stationed at the bottom of the stairs. He turned, his face serious.

"General Hu commands that you stay in your rooms. I must ask that you return."

"Get out of my way," Azula said. She jumped down from the stairs to land squarely on his chest, knocking him to the ground. He gasped out for breath as she pushed him against the ground.

"Where is he? Where's Hu?"

"I don't know!" the soldier gasped. "He just told me to watch you!"

"Useless." Azula jumped lightly off of him and continued down the hall, Zuko right on her tail.

"Azula, do you think they're all under Hu's command?" Zuko was asking.

"I don't know," she said, half-turning to look at him as they ran. "I don't want to assume they aren't and be sorry I di—"

Not looking where she was going, Azula ran right into two more soldiers. One of them grabbed her face, squeezing her jaw. Azula cried out.

"Let go of my sister!" Zuko ran forward, fire bursting from both of his fists. The soldier ducked to avoid them, and his grip on Azula slackened. She took advantage of the opportunity to slam her knee between his legs. He dropped like a fly and she turned to the other one.

"Don't attack me!" the soldier said, holding up her hands. Azula recognized her as Zara. "We just came running when you heard the noise. What are you doing?"

"Do you know where Hu is?" Azula asked, keeping one hand raised in case she had to threaten violence to get the woman to talk.

"He left the fort a little while ago, I saw him leaving," Zara said. Her eyes were wide. "What? What's going on?"

"There's no time to explain," Azula snapped. "Get out of here, and don't get in our way."

"Wait, Azula," Zuko said, coming up to join them. "She should come with us. The other soldiers would think we were just being escorted somewhere, and we wouldn't have to attack them."

Azula frowned. Sure, it made sense, and it was a good plan, but it had come from Zuko. She attempted to come up with a quick argument, couldn't find a good one, and mentally surrendered.

"Okay. Fine. Zara, I want you to take us to the stables."

"Can I know why I'm doing this, at least?" Zara asked, her face pale as she began walking. "Please tell me what's going on?"

"General Hu's involved with something weird," Zuko said tersely. "He knocked Azula out, and now it looks like he's run off."

"He knocked the princess out?" They didn't need to be able to see Zara's face to know how she felt about that statement; surprise was clear in her voice.

"I found out too much," Azula said. She was resentful of Zuko telling Zara without her permission. Something inside of her was complaining that this was her mission, and she was the commander, and Zuko should just shut up and take her orders. The other part of her was telling her how stupid that was.

They didn't pass many other soldiers on their way to the stables. None of the ones that they did see seemed suspicious. Either they weren't on Hu's side at all or they accepted that Zara was simply escorting the royals elsewhere.

Once in the stables, Azula slammed the door shut behind herself and looked around.

"Zara, go get us a map. A detailed one of the area."

Zara nodded and disappeared out the door.

"Where are we going to go?" Zuko asked quietly. It seemed natural to lower one's voice in the crowded space even though the only other sounds came from the animals.

"I'm going to Ellorm," Azula said. "I think that's where Hu went. He was accepting bribes from them. I've been there before, so I know the way."

"You're following him? Why?" Zuko was frowning. "You don't think you can beat him?"

"Don't ask me why! No…I don't think I can beat him. I want to find him so we know for sure where he is. I think he might back down if we talk to him."

"Azula, you're nine. Do you seriously think he's going to back down just because you threaten him?"

Azula looked away. His words were hitting where it hurt. She didn't want to listen to Zuko, even when she knew that what he was saying made sense.

"Fine, I want to fight him," she said, still not making eye contact. "I want to beat him. Happy?"

"No, I'm not. That's dangerous! He already knocked you out once. What does he have to lose if he kills you now?"

"You can't stop me!" Azula said, swinging her head around to face him. "I'm going to take him out. I don't care what it takes."

Zuko was shaking his head. "I can't believe it. You're normally so logical. I didn't think I would ever see you…you know."

"Don't talk to me about logic," said Azula. Her voice was deadly. "I'm doing it. I know I'll win."

Zuko was silent for a long time before he spoke again. "…Okay, Azula. Okay. I'm coming with you."

"I don't need your—"

"I didn't say you did! I just want to come. You know you can't stop me either."

Azula stared at him for a few seconds before rolling her eyes in defeat. "Fine. Come. But it's not my fault if you can't keep up."

The stable doors slid open again. All of them looked up in surprise, but it was only Zara, with a scroll in her hand. "I've got the map," she said unnecessarily.

"Give it here."

Azula spread it out on the floor, looking over the landmarks. She jabbed a finger at the paper. "That's Ellorm. Zuko and I are going there." She turned to the servants, acknowledging them for the first time. "You ride straight south. There's a fort there. We passed it on our way here. Try to get help, but they probably won't believe you."

She rolled the map up again and stuck it inside of her clothes.

"Before we leave, we should send a messenger hawk to Zhao," Zuko said. "If the battle eases up, he can come to help us."

"Much as I hate to ask that man for help…okay, Zara, after we leave, lie to the soldiers and say we're still in our rooms. Try to keep them from coming after us."

Azula stood and looked around in the darkness for her usual ostrich-horse. She felt excited and important, like she was going off to her first real battle. The thought of facing down Hu, and defeating him, made her burn with eagerness.

* * *

Perhaps it was only because she knew what she knew now, but Ellorm seemed to have an entirely different feeling to it than from the other times Azula had come there. It wasn't anything palpable, but the very air seemed to breathe of danger.

Zuko was looking around nervously as they rode up to the outskirts of the village. Though it was very late at night, most of the houses had light burning in the windows.

"He's here," Azula breathed, looking around. "He must know we're coming."

"We don't know that," Zuko said. "He probably assumed we would try to find reinforcements first. We might still have the element of surprise."

"Either way, we have to find him," Azula said. She started to dismount before thinking better of it. Going on foot might have been quieter, but it was easier to escape while riding.

"You're the expert on him."

"There's a tavern where I saw him a lot," Azula said. "We might as well try there." She steered her ostrich-horse around and began leading Zuko in the right direction. They went around the backs of all the buildings, trying to avoid windows. More than once they heard footsteps and had to retreat quickly. By the time they reached the pub, both she and Zuko were jumpy and irritable.

Azula stopped by one of the windows and peered in. "Damn, we're on the wrong side. I can just see the bartender. Let's go around the other side."

They were crossing around the back of the building when both of them heard heavy footfalls. Azula froze. The footsteps didn't seem to be coming toward them. She kept still and waited for the sound to fade.

"I think we're okay," she whispered to Zuko, nudging her ostrich-horse around the side of the building.

She didn't need Zuko's sudden gasp or her own muttered exclamation. Her own eyes told her exactly what was happening.

Hu stood in front of them, his arms crossed, a grim smile on his face. Behind him was what looked like half the population of the town, angry-faced and wielding various weapons.

"Hello, Azula."

* * *

**A/N: Hi, everybody. I hope you're having a good summer, because I've had a particularly rough week. Here's your update. I don't know if I like this chapter or not. Thanks to everyone who's read, favorited, alerted, and especially reviewed. You have no idea how much it means to me. And I know I always say this, but reviews mean the world to me, especially after a week like this. Please leave a note, even if it's just a word or two, to tell me how you liked it. You guys are my muses, y'know.**

**See you all next week.**

**EDIT: Just realized that this chapter breaks 50,000 words. Yay!**


	16. The Liar

_A five-year old Azula ran down the beach at Ember Island, laughing as her feet dug into the sand. In front of her, her brother was running away. It was the perfect picture, two siblings playing games that seemed perfectly ordinary._

_From a distance their parents watched the children play from under a beach umbrella. Every few minutes Ursa would call something to her children, reminding them not to wade too deep. _

_Azula bored of the game and began playing in the sand, while Zuko kept exploring along the edge of the beach._

"_It reminds me of when we came here right after Azula was born," Ursa said, leaning against Ozai's side. "You remember, don't you? Zuko and that turtle-crab…"_

_Ozai grunted. "Of course I remember. He hasn't changed much since then, has he? I wonder what he'd do today."_

"_I wonder what Azula would do," Ursa said, watching her little daughter playing in the sand. "Don't you?"_

"_I know what Azula would do," Ozai said, smiling. "She would watch the hawk eat the crab and then laugh. She would know it was right."_

_Ursa frowned. "How could she possibly know?"_

"_Because Azula has that confidence in herself."_

* * *

Looking back, even years afterwards, Azula couldn't forgive herself. In that instant, staring Hu in the face, she knew she was staring failure in the face for the first real time in her life. She had been wrong. Zuko—Zuko, of all people—had been right.

Her anger and rage with herself was more overpowering than any other emotion. She stared at Hu and wanted to burn him, and knew that she couldn't, and then she only wanted to burn herself.

Failure. She had insisted they come. Idiot. If she had been logical, she would have realized she couldn't beat Hu in a fair fight. Moron. How had she not seen the clear signs of an ambush?

Her ostrich-horse reared slightly and moved slowly backward, spooked by the large crowd. Hu stepped forward, the same confidence still on his face.

"Well, Azula, here we are. You came, even though I didn't know if you would be stupid enough to."

Stupid. The word hurt like a knife, all the more so because she couldn't deny its truth. She was stupid. How could she have been so stupid?

"No point in fighting. Oh, and you brought Zuko too! I'm sure the Earth King will be pleased to have you both."

"He won't have either of us," Azula said flatly. "Never. Nor will you."

Hu threw his head back and laughed. "And why not, exactly?"

"Zuko, RUN!"

Azula wheeled her ostrich-horse around, nearly falling in the process, and the beast galloped forward. Behind them, too, was a crowd of villagers, but Azula wouldn't stop. Zuko was right on her tail as she conjured a fireball.

"Get out of my way!"

There were screams and yells as the fire hit flesh, and then she heard Hu's roar of "get them!" Azula kept her speed up, throwing fire left and right as she mowed through the group. There were earthbenders in their ranks, and more than once she had to dodge a boulder to the head.

Her ostrich-horse let loose a squawk; a sharp stone had pierced one of its flightless wings. Azula swore under her breath and concentrated all her energy into forming a wall of pure, swirling fire around her. Everything seemed like noise and energy, and all she could focus on was keeping one hand firmly on the reins while her other hand bent.

She heard Zuko yell but didn't want to spare the time to look back and see if he was still behind her. Azula was focused only on galloping as hard and as quickly as possible.

The earth was roiling under them. Her ostrich-horse let loose a series of short cries, trying to keep its footing. Azula clung for dear life around its neck. With her firewall down, the missiles hit her. One came in contact with her thigh. She bit her lip hard enough to draw blood and closed her eyes. She had to concentrate on surviving. There was no goal but for surviving.

Then suddenly the route wasn't as bumpy. Azula risked opening her eyes and twisted around. She had broken through the crowd somehow, and on foot they couldn't catch her. Even for the benders among them, she was at a long range.

Zuko was no longer behind her. In the few seconds she was looking, she saw his ostrich-horse, but he wasn't on it.

Fear ran ice-cold through her veins as she urged herself on. She was no longer afraid for herself. She told herself that her fear for Zuko was only because she knew it was her fault and was feeling guilt, but it wasn't true. Not completely.

She escaped the confines of the village and was riding viciously across the open plain, and unbidden tears were streaming down her cheeks as she thought of her brother, captured because of her.

Mercifully, Azula still had her map. After she had ridden long enough that her steed tired and had to slow its pace, she felt comfortable relaxing her death-grip about its neck. She fished the scroll of paper from inside her shirt and opened it.

The small lines were hard to make out in the darkness, but she conjured a ball of fire and held it steady for light.

She was moving southwest, she thought, judging from the position of the moon and stars. The closest civilization of any kind marked on the map was a temporary Fire Nation encampment, due west of Ellorm. If she was right in judging the distance, then it would be midday before she reached it.

But Azula had no choice. She had no time for wavering or trying to decide. She could not go back to the village, nor to the fort where they had been staying. The only place to go was forward. It was her duty to bring reinforcements, her duty to rescue Zuko. She had to, not because she was worried about him, but because it was her responsibility for bringing him there.

For an instant, just for an instant, the idea of letting her brother die flitted into her mind. He was the heir. With him out of the way, who else would her father chose to inherit but her?

The cold part of her brain nodded in agreement. She thought of him, her weak older brother, useless and yet more popular than she. Zuko, darling of their mother, kind and ineffective and powerless. Zuko, the opposite of Ozai.

Zuko, who had never said anything rude to her that was unprovoked. Zuko, so self-absorbed, and yet selfless enough to attempt being the perfect big brother.

_I'm weak. Aren't I, Father? I can't do it. Do you want me to do it? Do you want Zuko dead? Is that why you sent us here, to kill him? But it won't be me. I don't care. It's my fault and I'm going to save him._

She tilted her head up and stared at the moon as the last tears rolled down her cheeks.

And then, she decided, she was done crying. There would be no more hesitation. She traced her route on the map and urged her ostrich-horse faster.

_Fine, Zuzu. I'm coming for you_.

Night in the desert was cold. Before too long, Azula's whole body ached. The continuous thumping of the ostrich-horse's talons against the ground made her head pound as well. Everything hurt, everything except her mind. She couldn't afford to slacken. She would not fall asleep. She would ride until she reached her goal, or until she died trying.

Azula continued on her south-western course. There was a river whose northernmost point she hoped to reach before morning. Her steed needed water, and she would before they rode during the day.

Half out of boredom, half because she was scared that her mother would infest her brain in the silence of the night, she began talking to her ostrich-horse.

"Thank you for getting me out of that mess in one piece. I'll take you home and treat you like a king. Or a queen. They never did tell me…you're young, right? They didn't even tell me your name." Azula sighed. "I'll call you Dust. What am I saying? I'm in the middle of a desert and I just named an animal."

She buried her head in its feathers and groaned. Dust let out a comforting screech and kept running.

* * *

They reached the river before dawn. Azula half-fell off of Dust's back in her eagerness to drink the water. She hadn't realized how thirsty she was until then.

Dust leaned its head down serenely to take many large gulps. It didn't stop for air between drinks. Since it was a desert-dweller, Azula supposed its body had some way to store the water.

Her body, however, had no such benefits.

"I can't take any with us, Dust. None of my clothes will hold it, and I don't have any containers."

Dust raised its head patiently to stare at her with dark eyes. It was then that Azula noticed the cut on its wing and remembered the wound.

She cleaned it as quickly as she could, tied part of her shirt around it, took another few final gulps of water, and remounted. Azula wouldn't stop until she reached the Fire Nation camp. She edged Dust onward once more, and together they rode.

The day became a blur. Even more than during the night, sleep tested her. Azula found her eyelids slowly closing, until a bump in the path jarred her awake.

She recited the names of all the major battles of the war, then went back to name participating generals and strategy. She mentally ran through every firebending form she knew. She even ran through her ancestry, as dull as names were.

The sun beat down mercilessly. The skin on her arms was slowly turning red. It would blister tomorrow. Her mouth was dry. She desperately wanted water.

Azula's grip on Dust slowly weakened. Even her knees had trouble staying hooked to Dust's sides. The saddle was rubbing uncomfortably. Her head felt as if it were about to burst with the agony. Her hair was like an oven. She cursed being born black-haired.

Her eyes slowly closed, snapped open, and then drifted closed again. The sun was blinding. There was nothing but sand. Were they even going the right direction? Azula didn't know…she didn't really care…

The cry of a hawk above snapped Azula awake. She didn't know how long she'd slept. She rubbed her eyes and peered around Dust's head.

There were red and golden tents in the far distance.

Was it a mirage? Azula didn't know. She didn't care. It was the most beautiful sight she had seen in her life. As if sensing her excitement, Dust began picking up the pace.

"Halt!"

The cry came while they were still a fair distance from the camp. A group of scouts were riding toward her, heading Azula off. She stopped Dust and dismounted.

"Who are you?" the leader demanded. He was Fire Nation, sure enough. All of the soldiers were armed, their weapons pointing at her. Did they honestly think that such a small girl was a threat, Azula wondered?

She spoke slowly and deliberately, refusing to let her tiredness or her pain speak for her. "I am Azula, daughter of Ozai, princess of the Fire Nation."

The commander stared at her for a few seconds, analyzing her appearance. It was unlikely that he had ever seen her before, considering that her father had only been Fire Lord for a few months, and she had only been a minor princess before that.

"You do look around the right age, and you have the hair and the eyes…" the man said doubtfully. "But why would Princess Azula be in the Earth Kingdom alone? Why do you look so beat up? Do you have anything that can prove who you are?"

Azula felt in her hair for the royal crest that usually marked her bun. It wasn't there. She swore internally. It must have fallen off when she had dismounted at the river.

"I have my bending skills, and nothing else," Azula said coldly. "But it would be wise not to mistreat me on the chance that I am the princess, would it not?"

"We aren't letting you bend," he said, his voice flat. "But you can come back to camp with us. We'll send for someone from another of the encampments."

It would take too long, Azula knew. There was no way they would listen to her unless she could prove her identity, but how?

This encampment was far livelier than the other one had ever been. There were easily a thousand men there, all housed within a maze of scarlet tents. The soldiers stopped to watch, curious, as the gang of scouts led Azula past. She had been allowed to remount Dust.

There was a golden tent erected near the front of the camp, and it was there that they took her. All of them dismounted, and the leader led Azula inside.

Several generals were grouped around a table, surveying maps and speaking about tactics in low voices. They looked up.

The man who was leading Azula lowered his head to them. "Generals, we found this girl alone, riding toward our camp. She claims to be Princess Azula."

There was a murmur of interest. One of the generals nodded. "Thank you, Shan. That will be all." Once he had left, they all turned back to Azula.

"How do we know who you are?" one of them asked, surveying her.

Azula had a terse reply on the tip of her tongue when another man interrupted, leaning around the others.

"By the spirits, it is her! Princess, do you remember me?"

Azula sighed with relief. "Of course, Commander Huang!" She forced a smile. He met it with twinkling eyes.

"This is undoubtedly Princess Azula. I saw her at the capital not three months ago!"

Almost as one, all of the men bowed to her. Azula smiled, this time genuinely. It was lovely to receive the respect she deserved.

"What are you doing alone in the Earth Kingdom, Princess?" one of the men asked incredulously. "How did you get here?"

"My father sent Zuko and I here for the summer…"

Azula spoke as quickly as she could, telling them about everything relevant—her following Hu to Ellorm, discovering that he was receiving bribes, him knocking her out. In this version of events, Zara agreed to join them in the attack on the village, but when the time came turned against them. In this version of events, Azula was not foolhardy enough to attack a village on her own.

"Prince Zuko has been kidnapped?" Huang asked, alarmed. "We must rescue him. His blood is the blood of the Fire Nation itself!"

"We will ride out at once," the commander in charge decided. "Princess, we will bring half our force here with us. That will more than suffice in crushing the village. You shall remain here until we return, safely guarded and taken care of."

"Wrong, Commander," Azula said, smiling. "I will accompany you in the battle."

"It's far too dangero—"

"I can't help but feel responsible for Zuko, even if it wasn't my fault he was captured…and don't worry, Commander. I can take care of myself."

"She can," Huang chuckled.

"I am coming," Azula finished. "You will not stop me."

And it was decided.

* * *

Dust remained back at the camp, too tired to be of any use in the upcoming charge. Azula was given a quiet tent to lie down in while the soldiers prepared for battle. She didn't sleep, but the calm silence was welcome.

By midafternoon, they were ready. Azula was allowed to ride at the front of the column with the generals. Her heart pounded with excitement in her chest. She was going to see combat on this mission after all.

The ride was much different from her solo mission that morning. She had a full skin of water, a mercy, and someone to talk to other than her ostrich-horse. The generals asked her many questions, about the capital, about her father, about her day-to-day life, and in return she asked them about the war.

"The war…what is there to say about the war? It goes on," one of the men said with a crooked smile. "We stopped gaining ground after your uncle abandoned the siege on Ba Sing Se. It'll take years to recover the ground we lost after his retreat."

Azula nodded sympathetically and mentally stored away another reason to hate her uncle.

"Earthbenders are hard to counter with fire, princess," one of them advised. "Earth don't burn well, you see. You've got to aim quickly and repeatedly, not to take out their defenses, but just to kill. They're slower than us, and that's their only advantage."

He paused to take a drink of his skin, water spilling down his face, and Azula turned to speak with Huang instead.

On fresh steeds, they were able to cover ground much more quickly than Azula had alone. By nightfall, they were nearing the village.

The windows stood out from a distance, lit and seeming to mock them. Azula stared at the town, anger burning inside of her. She was going to take Hu down, and the entire village with him.

"Burn the whole village," the commander said, riding out in front of the army. "Kill anyone who resists. Search for Prince Zuko, and take Hu alive. We will let someone else pass judgment upon him."

"Now ride!"

There were no battle cries from these trained warriors. They simply surged forward in a silent, deadly mass, the only sound the talons of the ostrich-horses. Azula could feel her heartbeat in her chest. This was the first military action she would ever see. How appropriate that it involved rescuing her worthless brother.

They reached the outskirts of the village. The first building burned. There were screams from inside, and abruptly their attack was no longer a surprise. Warriors streamed out of buildings, and then the battle ceased to be clear, definitive lines. Azula launched fire wherever she saw a civilian, and more than once she heard screams as her blazes met their mark.

Her ostrich-horse screamed and reared. It had taken a hit along its side; the wound was gushing. Azula tumbled to the ground, disoriented for a moment before catching herself.

_Okay, change of plans. I'll look for Zuko._

She weaved between the fighters, once throwing a whip of flame at a man who attempted to block her way. He dropped with a howl. The nearest unburned building was only a few steps away. Azula stumbled toward it, and then she was inside.

It must have been the largest building in the village, clearly some sort of meeting center or town hall. Azula looked around. There was nobody in the main hall, but perhaps in the back rooms…

She crossed the wooden floor lightly, trying to make as little noise as possible. There was nobody there but her, it seemed.

A spark from the outside caught on the roof. It was ablaze in seconds. Azula didn't trust it not to come down on top of her.

She darted toward the door that led further into the buildings. When she pushed it open, the whole structure creaked ominously.

It was a storage room of some kind, only dimly lit and filled with seemingly nothing other than boxes and crates. Azula was turning to go when a flash of color caught her eye.

There was something red behind a pile of crates in the corner. She moved closer and pulled them away to reveal a frail form lying on the ground, bound hand and foot and knocked out cold. His face was pale, but his chest was still rising and falling.

"Zuko," she murmured. She would have to drag him out, as much of a pain as it was. She burned away the ropes and hoisted his arm over her shoulder before turning to the doorway.

There was a giant in her way.

"Going somewhere, Azula?"

Hu had been wounded in the battle. Blood was trickling down his forehead and glistening at his side. Azula hoped his wounds hurt twice as much as the lump on her head.

"I'm going through you," Azula said, lowering Zuko. "Let's see who's knocking out who this time, General!"

"You lost once," Hu said. "You'll lose again."

Azula spun and kicked at him, shooting fire in the process. He blocked the kick with his own leg. The fire caught the walls until they were in an inferno.

Hu brought a massive, clublike fist toward her head. Azula ducked and shoved him backward. He barely moved, but his front caught fire from her hands.

Her fists weren't going to do any damage. Azula glanced around the room and grabbed one of the crates, throwing it at his head. He blocked with one arm and grunted as the wood shattered. Azula repeated with a second box, this time setting it on fire.

The corner grazed across his face and he roared, blinded by fury and by blood. He lunged toward her, as powerful and deadly as a battering ram. Azula raced backward, bracing herself, surrounding herself with fire. At the last possible second, she burst through the burning wall.

The building collapsed on Hu and Zuko. All Azula heard was Hu's yell of pain as he was buried in falling wood. She cowered on the ground with her hands over her head, just clear of the burning wreckage. Only when the sound stopped did she look up.

Zuko. Azula lunged back into the flaming mess to find her brother. The flames split at her command, and after a few seconds of digging in the rubble she found a slim hand.

She pulled as hard as she could, but she simply wasn't strong enough to lift him. Azula could feel fire pounding in her veins. Failure was not an option.

The top layer of rubble burned to ash as the heat of the flames increased tenfold. Without the extra weight, Zuko came free. Azula pulled him out of the ruins and fell over, her brother's limp form on top of her.

She lay there for a few seconds, simply breathing, her chest rising and falling as she slowly recovered. She was going to be covered in bruises tomorrow.

The sounds of fighting had dimmed. Azula pushed Zuko off of her and crouched, looking around. There were no enemies in sight. Every building that she could see was on fire.

"Princess Azula! Prince Zuko!"

A small group of soldiers came around the rubble to see the two of them there on the ground. They rushed forward.

"Are you all right, Princess?"

"I'm fine." Azula shook them off. "Zuko needs more help than I do. Is the battle over?"

"Yes, Princess! The surviving citizens are in chains, but Hu has not been found." The reporting soldier's eyes darkened as if he were afraid that Azula would blame him for the news.

Azula chuckled and pointed a long finger at the burning rubble. "Try digging in there. I want him alive, and my father will too."

* * *

A week later, it was over. The Fire Nation base to the east of Ellorm was crowded from the contingent of soldiers Huang had brought, along with Zhao's troops. They had returned from the fighting in the north, victorious as well.

When Zhao heard of what had happened, he threw his head back and laughed. "Trust Princess Azula to uncover a traitor while she's on vacation."

The other generals from the base returned as well. Azula identified them one by one, until each of them had been chained and thrown in prison, along with Hu. Interrogation revealed that all of them had some hand in the bribery.

Zara, not a higher-up, was executed for her "part" in the dealings. Azula watched the event with a grim pleasure. With Zara gone, only Zuko remained who could speak of Azula's mistakes, and she would make sure he didn't.

Azula was sitting at Zuko's side when he came to, three days after the incident. He had been drugged, the Fire Nation physicians said.

"Azula," he said, blinking at her and trying to sit up. "Where are we? I don't remember…" He frowned. "We were in that village! We were trying to escape!"

"That's over now, Zuzu," she said sweetly, taking his hand. "The corruption has been weeded out. We're alive and well, and we're going home as soon as the ships arrive for us."

Zuko shook his head. "I can't believe it. I missed everything? You have to tell me what happened! Some vacation this turned out to be!"

* * *

**A/N: And here we bring our Earth Kingdom arc to a close. I'm rather excited-chapters 17-19 are very, very good chapters. Good stuff coming up for you readers. Are you excited? I'm excited.**

**Thanks to everybody for reviewing! I love all of you, y'know! I want to see what you think.**

**Oh, I'll be out of town next Sunday, so I don't know if there'll be internet. I'll do my best to update, but no promises.**

**We close today with a snarky remark made by my beta in the comments in this chapter:**

**"When in doubt, burn the ever-living fuck out of everything."**


	17. Waking Up

Ozai was on the ship that came to bring his children home.

Nobody knew that he would be coming ahead of time. Zuko and Azula were waiting at the docks, soldiers accompanying them. The corrupt generals were also present. They were to be delivered directly to the mercy of the Fire Lord.

It was a bright, sunny day. Azula sat on the wood of the dock and looked out at the ocean. Some part of her didn't want to go home.

Zuko joined her. "Hey."

"Mm."

"Do you think Father will be mad at us for getting in trouble?" Zuko asked.

"Mad? I—we—uncovered a threat and disposed of it. If anything, he should honor us!" Azula said arrogantly. "I wouldn't worry."

"I always worry when it comes to Father," Zuko muttered, not meeting her eyes. He picked up a stone and threw it into the water. They watched together as it splashed and disappeared. "He always finds something I've done wrong."

"Have you ever considered trying harder?" Azula asked flippantly. Zuko glared at her.

"I try, Azula! Things just don't come as naturally to me as they do to you! You're gifted. You're talented! You don't have to work or worry about anything!"

Azula's voice dropped quieter. "…Do you honestly believe that, Zuko? You think I don't work? Do you think everything comes naturally to me?"

"Yes," Zuko said, his voice low.

"You're a fool." Azula's smile vanished, and suddenly the day didn't seem as bright.

For once she preferred the company of Zhao to that of her brother. She joined him on the beach. He was watching the horizon for the first sign of the ships.

"Hello, Princess." He smiled down at her, a smile tainted with sarcasm. "Bored of your brother?"

"Aren't I always." Azula stared down at the water and remembered her nightmare, from the beginning of the summer. The dream of waves crashing over her head, water filling her lungs until she could no longer breathe. The sound of seafoam hitting the shore was as loud as any firework in her ears. "Have you ever known a soldier who drowned, Zhao?"

He chuckled, though there wasn't anything funny about her question. "A fitting end for people of the Fire Nation, isn't it? Helpless and breathless. There was a battle farther to the west, Princess Azula, in an Earth Kingdom stronghold on a great river. We fought on the shores of the river, and if men went too deep their armor dragged them down."

Azula could imagine. A last, petrified glance of a face before it disappeared underwater forever. "Water quenches fire."

"Fire melts ice," Zhao countered, shaking his head. "Don't go fearing waterbenders just because of water, Princess. The ocean is far mightier than any bender."

"I'm not afraid of waterbenders," Azula said dismissively. It was true. She wasn't. Azula feared only two things in the world.

Failure and her father.

"Ships in the distance!" another soldier cried, squinting over the horizon.

Azula tried to peer out over the ocean, but the sun on the water was too blinding for her to see much of anything.

"Well, Princess, I suppose this will be goodbye for now," Zhao said, turning to her and giving her a slight bow. "I hope the trip was up to your expectations."

"On the contrary, I'll now be disappointed if I don't uncover conspiracies on all my future vacations," Azula said dryly. "I'm sure we'll see each other again, Zhao, though I hope it's a long time before we have to."

"A pity those are your sentiments." Zhao gave her a mock-sad expression. "I so enjoy our time together, Princess."

She smiled coldly and turned her back on him.

As the ships in the distance moved closer, it became apparent that one of them was quite unlike the other two. Its front was coated in pure gold, which only made the sea more dazzling to look at.

"That's a royal ship!" one of the soldiers said. "Commander Zhao, the—"

"Yes, Fire Lord Ozai must be on board," Zhao said, surveying the horizon with interest. "Well, well, well. It seems he cares enough about his children to come pick them up from their little field trip after all."

Azula's heartbeat raced. Her father on board? She didn't want to see him so soon. She wasn't prepared to see him so soon.

She thought of the burns and bruises, finally healed, and the terror, finally somewhat subsided, and she wanted to scream.

"Princess, are you all right? You're rather pale." One of her servants was instantly at her side, bowing and offering her a cup of water. Azula took it and drank, her hands shaking so much that she spilled water on her front.

"Why did Father come for me?" she asked, unaware that she was voicing the words out loud.

"He missed you, Princess, and wants to congratulate you on your achievements, I am sure," the servant said, smiling. Azula shook her head.

"I wish I was sure. Go away."

Azula hugged her arms around herself. She stared at the ocean, at the crashing waves. She forgot about Zuko and she forgot about Zhao. Even though her father was still a ways away, she felt that it was only her and Ozai, standing together on that dock, and she might as well be drowning.

It was another half hour before the ships pulled into port. The long boarding ramps were lowered, and a squadron of Fire Nation soldiers left the ship to line up on either side of the ramp. At the bottom, the soldiers formed a messy half-circle, Azula and Zuko at the center.

Then he appeared from the door of the ship, mighty and radiant in golden and scarlet. He was too far away for Azula to see his face, but something told her that her father was smiling.

The soldiers on the ramp bowed in unison, followed more slowly by those on the ground. Azula and Zuko together dropped to their knees. Azula didn't look up until she felt a hand on her shoulder. She lifted her head to meet her father's eyes.

"Azula. Zuko." There was a sardonic amusement in his face. "I have been told that your vacation was cut short due to you discovering and destroying a corrupt unit in my army."

They were silent.

"So it's true." Ozai laughed. "Well, here you are. We're going home."

He ushered them ahead of him up the ramp, while he stayed alone, a spot of gold in a mass of red. He looked like the sun.

"Bring the prisoners aboard," he commanded some of his soldiers. "It will be my sincere pleasure to deal with them personally."

* * *

From when she first stepped on board, Azula knew that this trip would be very different from the one they had when coming to the Earth Kingdom. Their father's ship was built for comfort, not for military purposes. He alone had a sprawling complex in the upper floors of the ship, and Azula and Zuko had multiple rooms to themselves as well.

Azula sat down on the silk pillows in her bedroom, staring at the wall. One part of her was happy that she was on her way home, back to Mai and Ty Lee and being treated as she deserved. The other part was breathless and terrified.

She was still sitting in her cabin when she felt the ship begin its journey. Azula watched the waves roll by. She couldn't see the shore from her position in the ship.

"Your Highness?" One of her servants was knocking on the door.

"What?"

"The Fire Lord requests that you join him on the prow," the woman said, entering and bowing respectfully. "I have brought a change of clothes. You have an entire wardrobe on the ship, Princess. We hoped you would be more comfortable in garb befitting a princess."

Azula's stomach turned over at the mention of her father, but the thought of fresh clothes was lovely. Everything she had brought had become stained and dusty in the Earth Kingdom.

Fifteen minutes later, dressed in silk and feeling like royalty, Azula climbed up the rungs of the ladder that led to her father's perch, the highest point on the ship.

"Azula," he greeted her, without turning around. His robes were flowing behind him in the wind, looking like wings. "Quite a trip you've had. The letters I've gotten tell me all about the valor of the young princess, saving her brother and uncovering corruption at the same time."

"I'm sure they're simply trying to flatter me," Azula said softly. "I wouldn't say I did both at the same time."

Ozai laughed. "How I've missed you."

"And I you," Azula said, assuming it was expected of her to do so.

"What were your impressions of the Earth Kingdom?" Ozai asked, turning his head to finally look at her. Azula met his eyes and wished she hadn't.

"The corner I saw of it? Too hot and too dry." Azula changed the subject abruptly. "Father, where's Iroh? I thought he would come to bring his favorite little nephew home."

"Oh, he's on board," Ozai said dismissively. "Probably spending all of his time with Zuko. I wasn't about to leave him at home without me there to watch him."

"You think he's dangerous to you?" The idea was ridiculous to Azula. How could Iroh pose a threat to her father?

Ozai was frowning. "I don't want to take chances. I'm sure there are those who remain convinced that he should have assumed the throne, and while I'm away they would have the perfect chance to make a move. It really does seem as if he has changed, however."

"What do you mean?" Azula could tell that this subject of conversation was disturbing her father, and she couldn't help but wonder why.

"He's mentioned ending the war once or twice," Ozai said. "Mentioned finding a peace that benefits everyone. I had hoped it was only shock at losing Lu Ten, but it isn't."

His eyes were dark now, every previous trace of humor gone from him. He turned to look at Azula again, coldly surveying her, and this time not as a proud father.

"Have all your bruises healed?"

Azula didn't need clarification to know which bruises he was referring to. She tried to hide her shaking hands as she bowed. "Yes, Father."

Ozai smiled humorlessly, looking down at her. "I suppose we'll need to give you more, then, won't we?"

* * *

A week later, the indicted generals were brought before the Fire Lord. Even on the ship, there was a room large enough to serve as a suitable replacement for the throne room. Ozai sat in the center, Zuko at his right and Azula at his left. Azula couldn't help but feel angry at this seating arrangement, even if it was traditional.

_I deserve to sit at Father's right hand. One day I will._

The fallen Fire Nation generals were led in, one by one. Each of them was in chains. They looked as if they hadn't been fed, each of them a shadow of their previous self. Hu was in the center. His wounds from the recent battle were still glaring; bandages covered most of his form.

Azula's eyes rested on Malfon. She hadn't seen him since their last training session together. Then he had been her teacher. Now he was groveling at her feet.

Ozai looked down at them with an expression of supreme contempt upon his face. The silence stretched longer as the generals refused to meet the eyes of their lord and judge. Azula watched them squirm, a vicious monster awakening within her and feeding on their discomfort.

"So." Ozai's voice was a soft hiss. "You find it fit to mock me. To spit in my face. You live and you fight for me alone. I am your god. Yet here you are, groveling at my feet."

Ozai stood from his throne and began to walk in slow circles around the generals. They watched him with wide, terrified eyes.

"Zuko. Azula. What punishments are fit for traitors?"

Zuko shot a furtive glance at Azula. She smiled and answered calmly, determined not to look cowardly in front of Ozai. "Death, of course, Father."

"Of course," Ozai agreed, as if he was discussing the weather. "My daughter has passed judgment. And you, Zuko? Do you believe they deserve to die?"

For an instant, every eye in the room was fixed on Zuko. Azula wondered if her brother realized that he was being tested, tested in the most underhanded way possible. For his sake, she hoped that he would say something their father liked.

"…They should have known the consequences of their actions when they chose to commit their crimes," Zuko said, beginning softly though his voice gained more power as he went on. "They deserve whatever punishment you see fit, Father."

Ozai laughed. "Your judges have spoken. But traitors deserve no quick, painless death." He motioned to the guards who had brought the generals in. "Take them back to their prison and hang them upside down from the walls. You may do whatever you wish to them."

"Yes, Fire Lord," the guards said, saluting. Was it the helmets that made their voices sound so cold and metallic?

"Ah, except for the instigator…you." Ozai pointed a long finger at Hu, whose eyes widened with terror. When all the other generals had gone, Ozai continued. "You fought at Ba Sing Se alongside my brother, did you not? Even then, were you a traitor?"

"I….Fire Lord, please have mercy on me," Hu croaked. "I was foolish. I will serve you for the rest of my days."

"Were you a traitor?" Ozai repeated. There wasn't a hint of mercy in his voice.

"I wasn't. I wasn't! I served Iroh as faithfully as any other soldier!"

"I don't believe you." Ozai stood with his back facing the man on his knees. They remained like that for what seemed like an eternity, undisrupted by any noise whatsoever.

Then Ozai moved, lunging forward with his fingers extended. Azula recognized the stance. She recognized the move. The lightning surged forward with the brilliance of a thousand torches. It didn't even have the same deadly roar as fire. There was the sound of static and then Hu was yelling, and then he was motionless on the ground.

Azula wasn't seeing her father executing a traitor. She was watching Ozai, the ruthless Fire Lord, murder her firebending mentor all over again. She didn't see Hu lying on the ground, but rather Ko Shen. Azula wanted to scream and run, but she could do neither. She sat on her cushion, her hands resting lightly on her knees, smiling. Azula was the perfect princess as her father was the perfect executioner.

* * *

Later that night, Azula lay in her father's arms and tried not to think, tried not to feel. He wasn't drunk, for once, which somehow made everything worse.

It wasn't that the pain had lessened. It was simply that she had gotten used to it—the burns, the bites, the bruises where his fingers clenched too hard or his teeth dug in. Azula thought of what she looked like and wanted to cry, even though she had trained herself not to during these painful sessions. Ozai was careful enough to only leave burns where they wouldn't be seen, no matter what she was wearing, yet Azula felt as if her faults were on display for all the world to see.

_I'm ugly. I'm ugly. I don't look like Mother. Mother was beautiful._ And Azula was crying, but silently, and Ozai didn't notice. _How lucky Zuko must be._

When it was over and she had been sent back to her room, Azula curled up into a ball underneath the sheets. There was nobody here to hear her crying, but her sobs were still small. The sheets barely rose and fell as she sniffled. Her fingers dug into her legs, matching her father's marks print for print. She hated herself. She hated herself.

_Is Zuko right? Does everything come easily to me? Then why is this happening? What did I do wrong? I don't want to get hurt anymore._

Azula needed someone. She needed Mai or Ty or even Ursa. But sitting there, in the dark, crying hysterically, she knew she was alone. She had always been alone. None of them had ever appeared to save her. None of them ever would.

In the morning, Azula felt numb. She scoffed at the weakness of the previous night. She denounced the tears and the pain and the whimpering as weakness. _Has your time in the Earth Kingdom really made you soft? You're an idiot. There's nothing wrong with you. Pull yourself together. Haven't you got used to it yet? This is your life._

_This is my life_, Azula agreed, though she didn't know with whom she was arguing. She got dressed and went to join her family for breakfast, and she didn't feel anything.

But everything was still there, bubbling deep down, waiting for an outlet.

* * *

**A/N: I'm happy to be able to update, and I hope you have as much fun reading this chapter as I had writing it! Next chapter's even better. Ah, yes, fun stuff ahead for Azula, and for you, my lovely readers!**

**Thank all of you so much for taking the time to read, review, alert, and favorite. You guys help inspire me to keep writing. I love hearing from you! The popularity of this fic has gone far beyond what I ever could have expected, and I have all of you to thank for that.**

**More exciting news-I'm working on drawing an actual cover for this fic. Hopefully it'll be done by next week.**

**See you then!**


	18. The Murderer

**TRIGGER WARNING: GORE**

* * *

Two months after leaving, Azula was home.

Everything seemed exactly as it had been before she left it. Her room was spotless, free even from dust. The palace, immaculate and huge with its distant colors and never-ending grandeur, seemed like a temple after spending her summer in a military base.

She returned home to politics, to compliments and flattery and unending questions about the trip. The noblemen and women she had to spend time with were insistent on complimenting her amazing capture of traitors. It grew old, even if she had only been home a day.

Azula was standing on her balcony in bare feet, staring over the red roofs of her city and appreciating them, when a knock sounded on the door. She frowned. She had told her servants she didn't want to be disturbed.

"I said not to bother me!" she snapped. There was a pause.

"I am sorry, Princess Azula. I have come to deliver a message from Mai. I will leave if you wish it."

"From Mai?" Azula was instantly excited. Her friends, the two people she actually wanted to see upon her homecoming, were the two she hadn't. "Come in."

A servant entered and bowed deeply. "Princess Azula, Mai expresses her deepest sorrows that she and Ty Lee were absent from your landing today. She assures you that, had they known of your arrival, they certainly would have been present. Furthermore, Mai wishes for you to honor her with your presence tonight at her house into tomorrow morning. Ty Lee will also be present."

Azula briefly admired the man's ability to memorize such a speech without reading it off of anything before responding. She didn't need to think about her answer.

"You may tell Mai that I would be delighted. I will be over later this evening." She waved a hand as she turned back to the balcony, dismissing him.

More than the palace, more than the country, more than being treated like royalty, Azula had missed them. She had missed Mai's dark hair and her level face and her constant, caustic sarcasm. She had missed Ty's kindness and laughter and ability to make her smile.

She missed having people around who understood her, at least partially. Azula hoped that there would be no mentions of Zuko that night.

Even though Mai's house was barely a two-minute walk on foot, Azula elected to take the palanquin. She was a princess; she deserved it. Besides, it gave her entrance the perfect touch.

Mai and Ty Lee were both waiting for her on the porch. Ty Lee looked as though she might burst with excitement at any second. Mai's face, while calmer, still held a rare smile.

Azula got down, and instantly she was assaulted by the pink whirlwind that swept her up into a hug, so tight Azula could barely breathe.

"I missed you so much! Summer's been so boring without you! I only had my sisters and Mai to hang out with, and hanging out with Mai is pretty much like hanging out with nobody—"

"Hey!"

"—and besides Mai's house isn't as nice as yours."

Ty Lee pulled away, and now Azula could actually see her smile. The acrobat kept Azula at arm's length while Mai joined them.

"It's not my fault my house isn't as nice," Mai said. "Azula's a princess. What do you expect?"

"Her room isn't painted grey, though," Ty Lee whispered into Azula's ear, as though sharing a treasured secret. "I was surprised."

Mai chuckled and shook her head. "Come on. No use standing around out here." She led them into the house, past the sitting room (both her parents bowed, saying "Such an honor, Princess Azula, having you in our house") and up the stairs.

Mai's rooms were spacious, with a color palette that, true to Ty's word, did not include grey. Mai led them over to a pile of cushions by the windows, where all three sat. For a few seconds, they simply looked at each other, trading smiles and enjoying each other's presence.

It was Ty who eventually broke the silence.

"Tell us about it, Azula! Tell us everything! There have been rumors everywhere, but I want to hear it from you. Did you really conquer an Earth Kingdom city with nothing but an ostrich-horse and your firebending?"

"No." Azula laughed, somewhat mockingly. "You should know better than to believe rumors like that, Ty. I'm only nine."

"Yes, but it's you," Ty Lee said, so purely and simply that Azula hated her for it. "It seemed like something you could do."

Azula knew Ty was complimenting her. She knew there was no malice hidden in the acrobat's mind. Still, when Ty spoke, Azula only heard one thing. _You're a failure. Why didn't you do that? Why couldn't you do that? Failure. Pathetic. Useless. Worthless._

"I caught some corrupt officials and led an army to an Earth Kingdom town," said Azula finally. "That was all. Nothing exciting. Nothing dramatic."

"Oh," Ty said. Azula hated her for sounding disappointed.

"Anyway…what did you two do while I was away?" Azula lifted a hand to her bangs, brushing them back behind her ear. Mai caught her arm mid-motion and twisted it.

"Let go of me!" Azula said, furious.

"What's this?" Mai rested one thin finger on a burn, directly across the bottom of Azula's wrist. Staring at it, Azula didn't know whether it had come from her father or from her own hands.

"What it looks like!" Azula wrenched her arm free and stared defiantly at both of them. She hated the way they were looking at her, like they were scared for her. "A burn. It's no big deal, okay? I'm a bender. I train with benders. Accidents happen."

"So this was just a training accident?" Mai asked, with an awful finality in her words that suggested she knew it wasn't. "What kind of training involves you getting burned on the wrist?"

"I learned close combat while I was gone!" Azula snapped. "I told you that in my letter, didn't I? Why are you so determined to make something of it? Leave it be!"

"Azula, if there's something wrong…" Ty Lee began, slowly and timidly. "You can always talk to us, you kno—"

"Let it go." Azula didn't raise her voice. She met their eyes coldly and stared them down, daring each of them to mention it. A long time passed before Mai broke the tension.

"I'm sure you're better at hand-to-hand than either of us, now, what with the rate you pick things up. Maybe we could spar sometime? If you promise not to bend…"

"I would like that." Azula instantly perked up at the mention of one of her favorite activities. "Since my trainer happened to be a traitor."

"Traitor trainer," Ty Lee giggled. "It kind of rhymes."

"You have bad luck with teachers," Mai said. "One gets reassigned to the Earth Kingdom, then you meet one in the Earth Kingdom who happens to be a traitor."

"Speaking of teachers," Ty Lee said, "do you know who's going to be replacing Ko Shen?"

Azula shook her head. "I wish I did. I think Father might be looking for someone, but I don't think I'll know for a while yet. I don't really care. He won't be as good as Ko Shen was."

"You're going to dislike him no matter what if you keep comparing him."

"So what? I have that right. Serves my father right for sending Ko Shen away in the first place." Azula glared out the window. She was glad the subject of Zuko hadn't come up yet, though she would be surprised if he wasn't mentioned before the end of the evening.

"No matter who your teacher is, you'll still do great," Ty Lee piped up. "I know that much!"

"Will I?"

Azula had always thought she was talented. She had always thought she was a cut above. She had been told so her whole life, after all. But the recent trip had set her doubts aflame. She had made potentially fatal mistakes. She had led herself and Zuko into a life-threatening situation. Zuko had advised against it. Zuko had been more sensible than her.

Azula tried to wish the thoughts away, but they were constant, like parasites. Her happiness at seeing her friends again had faded. She wished she was alone in her rooms, with nothing but a mirror and her fingernails to keep her company.

* * *

Though she hadn't seen them being unloaded from the ship or been told of their whereabouts, it was easy enough for Azula to find the fallen generals. She asked one of the guards assigned to the palace; after initially hesitating, he told her.

The prison was a bit of a walk from the palace, but Azula didn't mind. She liked the solitude and the peace, purposefully wearing a cloak to disguise her face. She liked being recognized, but it would only be a holdup.

The prison guards bowed deeply as she approached the great building.

"Are they all being held in the same cells?" she asked.

"Who, Princess?"

"The Earth Kingdom ex-generals," Azula snapped. It wasn't like there were any other prisoners she would be interested in.

"They are held individually right now," the guard said, bowing deeply. "Which one do you wish to see, Princess Azula?"

"Malfon."

"Please, follow me." The woman turned and led Azula into the building. From the outside, its architecture looked haphazard and weak, but from the inside it was a veritable labyrinth of stone. Some cells had walls five feet thick. Azula had heard legends of the Boiling Rock prison, and wondered how it could be more secure than this.

Malfon's cell was on the third floor, with several guards around it. Azula vaguely wondered how many soldiers worked at the prison, if they could assign so many to a single cell.

The guard escorting her took keys from her belt and unlocked the door, sliding it open with difficulty. She followed in, presumably to make sure the young princess didn't suffer any injury while in her company.

Malfon was hanging by his arms from the ceiling. He looked dead, but his eyes followed Azula as she entered.

"Has he been fed?" Azula asked, though she suspected she knew the answer. There was no way he could have survived so long without food.

"Yes, Princess. Meals once a day, water twice. We are under orders to let them all perish as slowly and painfully as possible."

"How long will it take his heart to give out, hanging up like that?" Azula asked with a gruesome interest, walking around him in circles.

"It depends from prisoner to prisoner."

"Look at me." Azula's voice was cold.

Malfon slowly lifted his head from his chest. He was coated in grime from head to foot, though there were clean streaks beneath his eyes where tears had trailed down his cheeks.

"Pathetic. Look at you. This is the fate of a traitor," Azula said, looking him over. "You're scum. You don't deserve life."

"Princess…" His voice cracked. "Princess, please help me…"

"Help you? Help you die, you mean?" Azula laughed. "You don't deserve that mercy. You don't deserve any mercy. You call me 'Princess' now? Did you call me Azula before because you truly didn't respect me? I thought it was interesting, but it was a sign. A sign I should have caught. Just another sign of your filthy, treacherous crimes!"

"Please…" Fresh tears were running down his face. "I know. I am unforgivable. But please, Princess, I will do anything for you. You can't leave me here…"

"Can't I?" Her stomach turned over in disgust, just looking at him. "Why not? You deserve a fate far worse. Traitors are the worst kinds of people. Even when training me, you were just lying. Going behind my back. Deceiving all of us! Did you think you'd escape? Did you?"

"…Yes, Princess…"

"Then you were a fool!" Azula held out a hand to her escort, palm-up. "Give me your knife."

The woman, who had been watching the interaction in silence, unsheathed her short blade and handed it to Azula. Azula slid a finger along its length, relishing the coldness of the metal under her hand. As she touched it, she let the heat flow from her inner fire down the knife, until the steel was burning hot.

She held it up to his cheek.

"Princess, please, no!" He was screaming, or at least as close to a scream as he could make, with his voice hoarse and throat sore. "I'll do anything!"

"Too late!" The knife dug into his face, and he was howling, and Azula ran it down his face and then grabbed the skin with her bare hands, peeling it away and loving the sounds he was making. "This is what you deserve. You betrayed my father. You betrayed me! Nobody betrays me! Nobody! Or they suffer the consequences!"

She didn't know whom she was addressing any longer. Surely not just this pathetic man, hanging alone in a prison cell, whom she had known for only two months. Azula was at once addressing Zhao, and Ursa, and her brother, and everybody who had ever wronged her. As this man suffered under her fingers, Azula felt as if she were torturing everyone who had hurt her.

And they deserved it.

He was still yelling in pain, but Azula was numb to the sound. The only thing she was paying any attention to was his blood, slick under her fingers, his skin, peeling away bit by bit, the knife, burning hot, the joy and the rage, intertwined in her mind.

Suddenly, ferociously, she raised the knife again, and this time it nested in one of his eyes. His screams were inhuman, utterly disgusting, and yet they sent thrills of excitement through her body. She didn't care about what he was feeling. All she wanted was the high, the feeling of power.

His other eye was next. Malfon wasn't begging anymore. Azula wondered if he knew what she was going to do. He couldn't—she didn't.

"I hate you," she whispered, the knife traveling down the center of his face and ripping through his lips, even as they moved while he screamed. "I hate you more than anything."

"P-Princess…" He managed, somehow, to choke out the words, and that incensed her. Hadn't she inflicted enough that he knew it was pointless? She didn't want him coherent. She wanted him screaming. "Don't do this to yourself."

"To me?!" And then she was the one screaming, and she detested him. She loathed him. He would never speak again. He would never exist again. The man, dangling in front of her, was nothing. Nothing. Nothing to her! He was an ant, whom she would crush effortlessly. A bug. Some gnat. Small and pointless.

The knife buried itself in his chest, and then his throat. Azula watched the blood stream everywhere, not caring that her clothes were stained beyond repair.

She dropped the knife. Properly heated, her hands were more effective anyway. She tore through his skin until she found his bones. She couldn't break them with her bare hands, but she set him on fire from the inside out. She tore apart his organs and sinews and everything she found. She was elbow-deep in gore. Her face was spattered and twisted beyond belief. He had stopped screaming a long time ago, but she hadn't noticed.

Azula felt a light hand on her shoulder as her prisoner went up in flame. She turned, utterly numb, to face the soldier.

"Princess, the roof might catch on fire if you continue. Please allow us to douse him."

"The roof is stone," Azula said flatly. Then her mouth opened and she laughed, not even a grim laugh, but the same laugh she had made with Ty Lee and Mai. She felt better. She felt light and carefree. "Stone doesn't catch fire. I really need a bath."

"Allow me to escort you back to the palace, Princess," the woman offered. "We can find you a spare cloak."

"This one is fine," Azula said, holding up the material with one hand and surveying the bloodstains. They wouldn't come out, she guessed, no matter how much washing they went through.

"If you say so."

On the walk there, nobody had paid Azula any attention. A nondescript girl wearing a hood drawn low over her face wasn't the most interesting sight in the world. The same girl, with her hood back and blood spattered across all of her clothes, was far more distracting. From around corners and in dark alleys, people stared as Azula went by with her escort.

She wondered whether they knew she was the princess. She hoped they did.

_That's the first person I've ever killed_. The thought came to Azula without any weight at all. It seemed inconsequential, a simply stated fact that had no bearing on reality. It didn't even really seem true. Yes, she had killed the man, but a prisoner sentenced to death was practically dead anyway.

Azula the murderer.

* * *

That evening, Ozai summoned Azula to the throne room. She came wondering if he meant to speak with her about the earlier events. The story of what had transpired in the prison seemed to have spread like wildfire. Naturally there were at least five false accounts of what happened, but that was to be expected after the princess came home covered in blood.

"I've heard about your adventures at the prison today," Ozai said softly as Azula entered. He was sitting on the throne, behind the wall of flame. It was just the two of them in the large room. "How interesting. I wasn't expecting you to take such an interest in our fallen generals."

"He begged me to spare him," Azula said, settling on her knees before the throne and bowing, touching her forehead to the ground before she sat up. "Repeatedly."

"I'm very proud that you didn't." Ozai's gaze was piercing. She felt as if she was naked in front of him, and knew that there really was no difference anyway. "Can you imagine Zuko in your place?"

"Zuko would have the sense to stay away," Azula said softly.

"The sense…or the cowardice." Ozai closed his fist and the flames around the base of the throne sparked, growing in size as he stared down at her. "You did what you wanted. That itself is worthy of respect."

"You're not…not angry with me?" Azula looked up hopefully.

"Angry?" Ozai was surprised. "What cause would I have to be angry? No, Azula…I had wondered how long it would be before we saw something like this."

Azula didn't like the way he spoke, like she was an experiment or something to be observed. She didn't want to be predictable.

"In future, Father, perhaps you'll see more," she said sweetly.

Ozai laughed then, and stood. The fire parted as he descended the steps to circle her, like a wolf. "I can hardly wait, Azula. Ah, that's right…I've found a new teacher for you. She is a firebender from one of the southern islands. Rather elderly, from what I've been told, but I think she will be suitable."

"Thank you, Father." Azula pressed her forehead to the ground again, her mind racing. The thought of a female teacher excited her, and hopefully age meant experience. Then again, maybe this unknown woman was totally loyal to Ozai, totally malleable, and that was why her father had chosen her.

"Now stand up."

Azula obeyed, wishing she was taller. She knew she was only nine, but the way Ozai constantly towered over her made her feel constantly subordinate. She didn't like being towered over. She wanted to do the towering.

"I think you grew while you were away," he said, giving her an appraising glance. She had the abrupt, horrible impression that he had read her mind.

"Perhaps, Father…"

He lifted one of his hands to cup her chin and tilted her head upward, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on her. She did not like what she saw there. A sudden chill took hold of Azula's skin, despite the fire burning only feet away.

Ozai kissed her on the forehead, and then on her cheeks, before he took her lips. Azula wanted to pull away. Every fiber of her being rejected this. Any watcher might have mistaken it for a gesture of parental love. Yet even to the unknowing bystander, there was something tainted in this. Something twisted.

The marble floor of the throne room was frigid against Azula's naked skin, and she knew she would have bruises in the morning.

She made her way back to her room much later that night, every part of her sore and her mind trying to focus on anything but what had just transpired. She listened to the wind howling outside and watched the candles flicker whenever she passed a window. In the dark, the tapestries seemed larger, more menacing. The golden shades turned into the color of mud. The deep scarlets became the color of blood.

Azula lit a candle with shaking hands when she was safely in her chambers. She wanted to take a bath and go to bed. She looked around for something, anything, to read, to keep her mind off of her father.

The silk curtains were dancing on the current of the wind. Even though the room was frigid, Azula still thought that her time alone in the throne room with Ozai had been far colder.

Azula went into the bathroom to splash cold water on her face. She caught sight of herself in the mirror and wished she hadn't. She looked gaunt, haggard. Was she nine years old? She looked ninety.

"Why do these things happen to me?" she asked herself softly. There was no answer from the girl staring back at her in the mirror.

Azula returned to her main room to grab her robe. She was heading back to the bathroom when she heard a voice from behind her.

"No, I don't think we—"

"Shut up!"

Azula wheeled around and peered more carefully into the room. For a few seconds, nothing happened. Then two shadows rose from the far side of her bed.

"Hey, Azula," Mai said, lifting a hand awkwardly.

* * *

**A/N: Hi, everybody! This is one of my favorite chapters (that I've written so far), along with nineteen. Oh, yes, things are in store for chapter nineteen. But anyway...Thanks so much, as usual, to everybody! I've hit my fiftieth review and I can't tell you how much that means to me. That all of you have taken the time to read, review, favorite, and alert is incredible. You guys are the best.**

**See you next week!**


	19. Blood and Pain

**TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE/INCEST/UNDERAGE, SELF-HARM**

* * *

Azula's first instinct was to throw fire. Somehow she managed to stop herself, but her heart was pounding as she stared back and forth between Mai and Ty Lee.

"What the—how did you—what are you doing in my room?" she demanded angrily. She wasn't really upset with them, but the shock was still racing through her brain. "It's the middle of the night! How did you get in? Who let you in?"

"Nobody let us in," Ty Lee said helplessly, shrugging and attempting to smile. "We sort of snuck in?"

Azula thought she saw tears glinting in the corner of Ty's eyes and looked back at Mai. Mai was standing there like some sort of statue, her face frozen somewhere between neutral and horrified. A sudden suspicion struck Azula.

"You weren't…you didn't…" Her voice came out strangled, and as she saw their faces she knew that they had. "You…you weren't watching."

"Oh, Azula." Ty had crossed the room and was holding Azula so tightly that she feared her bones might actually break. It was a few seconds before she noticed that Ty was crying, her tears dripping down onto Azula's robe. A sudden selfishness struck Azula; why was Ty Lee crying for her when she wasn't the one who had been hurt?

"Why didn't you tell us?" Maybe it was only the lighting, but Mai's face looked abnormally pale. "We could have helped you."

"Helped me?" Azula let out a short bark of a laugh. She could feel herself on the verge of tears. Seeing her friends hurt for her was worse than bearing the pain silently and alone. "What can you do, Mai? What can anyone? He's the most powerful man in the world. Nobody can help me. What Ozai wants, Ozai gets."

She felt a sudden wave of nausea as she said the words aloud. They were words she had often thought, but now, admitting her weakness to her friends, was like making them real. If she voiced Ozai's power, suddenly he seemed that much more powerful.

Mai shook her head. "It can't…it can't be that hopeless. Azula, there has to be some way for you to free yourself. Some way for you to escape…"

"It's not that bad," Azula lied. "I won't run away, Mai. I want to succeed my father, and I'll do whatever it takes to reach that goal." She turned away from them. She didn't want to see their faces anymore. "I should take a bath."

They followed her into the bathroom and sat down beside the counter. Azula drew the silk curtains closed around the bath as she began heating the water with her bending. She didn't want them to see the bruises and burns that covered her body like gruesome constellations.

"You didn't tell me how you got in."

"Like Ty said, we snuck in," Mai said. "We had a couple really close calls."

"Mai's sneakier than you would expect," Ty Lee said, false cheeriness filling her voice. "It was her idea. She said we should come find out what was wrong with you."

"Nothing's wrong with me," Azula said automatically.

"Oh, come on," Mai said. There was disgust evident in her voice, even through the curtain. "Don't you dare say that. Don't you dare. Not after what we just saw."

"It was the burn, wasn't it."

"People don't get burns like that in training," Mai said. "They get burns like that from having their arms held down. I didn't know…I just had a suspicion…I wish I was wrong. I really wish I was wrong."

"Let's talk about something else." Azula didn't trust herself to not break down if they continued on that subject. Having her friends there, grieving with her, grieving for her, seemed to validate her pain. She didn't feel alienated any longer. She didn't feel as if she were completely alone in the world. In that moment, it was both the most wonderful and the most horrible thing she had ever felt. "Father said he found me a new firebending teacher."

"Definitely heard that part," Mai said pragmatically. There was the sound of a slap and then a squeal of pain.

"She meant to say, 'We definitely didn't hear that part. Please, talk about it!'"

Azula let out a broken laugh and leaned back in the water. Her hair fanned out on the surface, floating. Her friends were talking, but their voices were distorted underwater. There was just a peaceful sort of silence as water filled her eyes, her ears, her nose.

_If this is what drowning is like, this isn't so bad…_

Then Azula accidentally breathed, and water rushed into her nose. She surfaced, sputtering and coughing and interrupting her friends.

When she was fully washed, the three of them sat on her bed. It reminded Azula of her birthday party, except that they were now in Ursa's old chambers. Azula thought of how much had changed since then and the urge to cry returned.

"It's really late," she said finally. "You two need to sneak back out. Or, no, I'll have someone escort you so you don't get caught."

"We're not leaving you alone tonight!" Ty Lee declared, throwing her arms around Azula again. "We're going to keep you company so you feel safe."

"But what about your parents?" Azula's argument felt weak, even to her. She didn't want them to leave. She wanted them to stay. As illogical and stupid as she knew it was, she did feel safe with them there.

"Oh, they won't worry about me," Ty said brightly. "You're more important right now!"

"Who knows if my parents would even notice that I'm gone?" Mai said with a twisted smile. "But Ty's right. You need us more than they do."

Azula closed her eyes and tried not to breathe. She didn't want to cry in front of them. She wouldn't cry in front of them. "…Thank you."

They fell asleep holding each other's hands.

* * *

"Princess Azula! Princess!"

There was a loud knocking at the door. Azula jerked awake and was about to respond when she remembered her friends. Both were stirring at either side of her.

"Go away," she called.

"My apologies, Princess, but—"

"Azula, I need to speak with you."

The second voice was Ozai's, as calm and controlled as ever. In that moment, Azula could have sworn that her blood froze in her veins. She looked around, terrified, at the other two.

"What's wrong?" Ty Lee mouthed.

"That's my father!" Azula whispered. The other two blanched. Mai looked every which way.

"We have to get out of here!"

"Azula?" Ozai's voice was rapidly losing its patience.

"The bathroom! Hide in the bathroom!" Azula ordered, practically shoving them out of bed. They were just disappearing into the other room when the door opened and Ozai swept in, apparently tired of waiting for an invitation.

"I'm sorry, Father." Azula tried to hide the shaking in her voice. She bowed as best as she could, even if she was only lying in bed.

"As well you should be. Next time, you answer me." Ozai was clearly not in a good mood. He strode back and forth, casting occasional glances in her direction. "Azula, your new firebending mentor has arrived, and I want you to meet with her immediate—"

His voice broke off. He was staring intently at her table. Azula followed his gaze. Ty Lee's pink hair tie was lying there.

"What is that?"

"It's nothing. It was only a gift I got when I came back from the Earth Kingdom," Azula said hastily. "It's not—"

"You're lying, Azula." Ozai's eyes were narrowed on her face with a crazed look in them. "You're lying to me. Not even lying very well. Now tell me. Who else has been in here?"

Azula shook her head rapidly, shrinking back against the headboard. She didn't want to say. She didn't want to betray her friends. She couldn't.

"Who else, Azula?" Ozai's voice dropped to a low whisper. He leaned over her until his hair was brushing against her skin. Azula was shaking. She couldn't speak. It was one thing to give herself to Ozai—pain was something she could tolerate alone. But handing her friends over was something she could never forgive herself for. Never.

"There's—there's nobody," Azula said, her voice breaking. She felt as if she was standing at the edge of a cliff. She had never been more terrified in her life. "Nobody."

Ozai smiled, almost kindly, and then stood. He was facing away from her. "I see we're going to have to do this the hard way, Azula. A pity. I thought I had taught you never to disobey me."

When he turned back toward her, he was holding a ball of fire in his hand. Azula tried to huddle farther against the wall, but there was nowhere to go. Her whole mind was screaming with fear, urging her to talk, but something deep inside of her was still resisting.

_I won't betray them. I won't!_

"Do you want to tell me?" Ozai asked gently, leaning over her. He stroked the hair out of her eyes with the hand not holding the fire. "Come now, dear."

Azula bit her cheek until it bled and then shook her head vigorously.

Ozai sighed. "I teach people to follow my orders, Azula, and yet it seems my greatest opponent is here in my own home. Haven't I done enough for you? Are you ungrateful? Why do you insist on being so stubborn? What is this person to you? Is she worth pain? Worth the pain you know I can give you?"

Azula tried to close her eyes. Ozai caught her hand and held it just above the fire, close enough that she could feel the heat but not so close that she was burning…yet. Azula writhed, but her father was too strong. He slowly began bending her wrist backward, until Azula began screaming.

"Stop it!"

Ty Lee ran out of the bathroom, a combination of anger and fury on her face as she stared at the scene unfolding in front of her eyes. "Leave her alone! She hasn't done anything wrong!"

Mai followed Ty, her skin as pale as death. She tried to clamp a hand on Ty Lee's shoulder, but Ty Lee shook her off.

Azula's heart dropped. No…no…he would just hurt them too.

Ozai laughed and extinguished the fire, turning to face them. "Unexpected guests. I never thought you would be stupid enough to stay. It only makes it easier for me, I suppose."

"No!" Azula ignored the fresh burns on her hand. She half-scrambled, half-fell out of her bed. She didn't care how much Ozai hurt her. She wasn't going to let them be hurt for her sake. Azula threw herself between her father and her friends.

"Don't hurt them. Don't hurt them. Please, Father. You can't. Do anything you wish to me. Hurt me. Do it to me. Not to them."

"Azula, no!" Ty Lee cried, but Azula refused to move.

"Do it to you?" A strange look came over Ozai's face. It was an expression Azula had rarely seen her father wear before. It took her a second to realize it was fury. "To you, Azula?"

"Don't hurt them," Azula repeated, her eyes fixed on the ground in front of her. "You can't. If you do…I'll—I'll hate you."

Ozai laughed, but his expression didn't lose its dangerous edge. "Azula. What are you saying? Listen to yourself. These are the words of a child."

"I am a child."

"No, Azula." Ozai shook his head slowly. "You do not get that luxury. You are a princess. Your duty and your loyalty are to me, none other. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Azula said quietly, dropping her arms to her sides and erecting her façade instantly. "I apologize, Father. There was no reason for me to hide this from you. I invited them over in secret, and now I see that was the act of a child. They are innocent. I am to blame."

Ozai smiled. This time his smile was ordinary, not tainted, and Azula knew that she had said the right thing. She wanted to feel relief, but felt only a dull numbness.

"That's much better. That is the manner of a princess." He looked up to address Mai and Ty Lee, almost as an afterthought. "I will have a servant escort you two out. I must ask you not to distract my daughter any further. The consequences will not be so lenient next time."

Ty Lee seemed about to say something, but Mai stepped forward. She bowed deeply. "I'm sorry, Fire Lord. We should not have come. Thank you for showing us mercy."

Then there was only Ty's last, frantic look back at Azula, and they were both gone, disappeared out the door. Azula watched them go and felt as if the last of her sanity was leaving with them.

As soon as they left, Ozai turned back to Azula and studied her, looking her up and down. "I thought I had purged your mother from you, but it seems her blood still taints you. What are those girls to you? Are they worth betraying me? Betraying the Fire Nation?"

"Of course not," Azula said, shaking her head desperately. "I was just afraid, Father! I didn't want you to hurt them?"

"Why do you care about them? Ozai asked softly. "Friends are weakness. You know that. Having ties to others gives your enemies more opportunities to reach you."

"I know," Azula mumbled. "I know. I shouldn't have become friends with them…but I couldn't help it. I…I wasn't strong enough…"

Ozai smiled. "Precisely. You weren't strong enough. Your weakness was a failure, and failures must be punished. Lessons taught through pain stick, don't they, my daughter?"

Azula wanted to throw her head back, to look anywhere except into those cold golden eyes. She didn't want to answer him. She knew what was coming, and wanted to avoid it with all her might.

"Y-yes, Father."

With one hand, Ozai pushed her back down onto the bed. Azula didn't try to struggle, but the thoughts came pouring through her mind like a river. Her rooms had been safe. Ozai had never raped her there. It was almost as if Ursa had been there, watching over her daughter, an idea that Azula wholeheartedly rejected and yet desperately clung to.

"If I ever find any of your friends in the palace again, I will kill them on sight," Ozai said quietly, ripping her robes away. "You're lucky I am showing lenience this time."

"Thank you, Father…" The first tears were about to fall down Azula's cheeks, but she was trying desperately to hold them back. She didn't want to give this man the satisfaction of knowing how he had hurt her. She never wanted to give him that satisfaction again.

Azula wondered if Ozai had even recognized Mai as the daughter of his treasurer. She doubted it. Ozai had never been a master at dealing with people. He ruled through fear, not through clever politics. That was one area where Iroh had to beat him.

She was trying to think of her firebending forms, of the different states and cities in the Earth Kingdom, until Ozai bit down hard enough on her throat to draw blood, and she couldn't ignore him any longer. She couldn't zone out as she usually did.

This wasn't even about Ozai's pleasure. As he had promised, it was pure punishment. Every movement of his hips against hers was harsh, unnecessary. His hands clawed and pinched and slapped, until every part of her body was red. He left bruises on her neck, her shoulders. He pulled her hair back until she screamed, and then he laughed.

"Tell me you don't care about them. Look me in the eye and tell me, Azula." Ozai looked mad. He still held her hair back in one hand, stretching her neck. She tried to avoid his gaze, and then he hit her in the chest, and she lost her breath, and she lost the strength to resist.

"I don't—I hate them," she said, locking her eyes on his, determined not to cry. She would not give him the satisfaction. Not this time.

"Good." He locked his teeth onto her shoulder and bit, hard. "Again."

"I h-hate them."

Ozai's eyes still hadn't lost their fiendish gleam. He seized her arm and twisted it up over her head until she cried out with pain. "Again! I don't believe you, Azula!"

"I hate them—I hate them!" He twisted her arm further and further, until she was sure her wrist was going to break. "Please!"

"Who do you hate? Tell me!"

"Mai and Ty Lee—my friends."

"Wrong!" He slapped her across the face. She could feel her flesh burning in pain and wanted to scream. She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. But Azula would not give him the satisfaction.

"Those two girls. Those two inconsequential girls. I hate them. They deserve to die!" It was easy to spout the words. Azula did not believe them herself, and yet some part of her was screaming that this was the worst kind of betrayal, that she was a traitor, just the same as Hu and Malfon and the rest of them were traitors. "How kind of you to show them mercy, Father. They do not deserve it!"

Ozai gave a grunt of pleasure at her response and released his hold on her arm.

* * *

Azula was forbidden to leave her rooms as a week for punishment. On the one hand, she doubted whether she would have wanted to. The marks were clearer than ever. She didn't want Zuko to ask her questions. On the other, the imprisonment made her wish she could leave. She spent endless hours staring over the balcony, wishing she could be somewhere, anywhere else.

She didn't think of Mai and Ty Lee often. Whenever she did, it only brought up the painful thoughts, thoughts of her father hurting her as her friends watched. She didn't want to think of that.

On the first day, she thought Ozai might relent. That was foolish. Ozai never relented. He chose not to visit her, either, and she wondered whether he was turning to whores for his entertainment instead.

Azula read all the books she had lying around, and then reread her favorites. She took endlessly long baths and stared up at the ceiling through the water. She had started to play a game with herself, where she held her breath underwater and tried to see how long she could stay submerged with her lungs screaming for air. The pain felt nice. It was a new, abstract kind of pain, not just on the surface, but a pain that she knew could kill her. She felt the temptation to simply lie under the water until she passed out, and then she would drown, but she never had the courage to. Azula would always burst above the surface, gasping for air, her lungs burning. She wondered if that signified that she still had a reason to live, or only that she couldn't stand the pain.

At first, she had spent almost all her time on the balcony. Then it became too painful. She thought of all the people down below, people who only knew her name and perhaps her appearance. They were people she would never see, and they would never meet her. They were utterly indifferent, abstract, unimportant. Azula thought of them, going about their ways, happy, and she hated them.

She stayed cooped up in her rooms for the rest of the time. It was better in the darkness. She spent hours in bed, sleeping later than usual and abnormally. The nightmares plagued her, but they were better than the depression when she was awake.

It was the middle of the week when she envisioned Ursa. Her mother was, strangely, the only person she wanted to imagine in that moment. She closed her eyes and could picture Ursa standing in front of her, a worried look on her face.

"I hate you," Azula said calmly, aloud. There was no one to hear her talking to her imagination.

_Azula, you need to stop doing this to yourself. I can't bear to see you like this._

"Doing what to myself?" Azula laughed. "It's all Father's fault. Blame him! Blame your precious little Zuko! Blame anyone except me! It's not my fault...it's not my fault…"

_You are only making things more difficult. I tried to teach you to be the perfect princess, but you couldn't listen. Ambition will be your undoing._

"Shut up!" Azula tried to shut down her mind, even though she could still hear Ursa's voice ringing in her head. "Shut up! You're to blame! You're the one who let me down! Where are you? Where are you when he's hurting me?"

And the Ursa of her imagination had no response for that.

Azula took to the knife. She found one of her old knives, probably a gift from some nobleman, and slid open the sheath. It was sharp and serrated. Perfect.

She slid it quickly across her skin and watched the slow paths of blood that followed. It wasn't about death. She didn't want to die. But with each mark, she was mocking Ursa and Ozai and everybody who had ever mocked her.

_You did this to me. What would you say if you could see me now?_ she screamed in her mind. The knife cut wherever she wanted it to—across her legs, across her chest or her stomach, across her arms…anywhere that would hurt, but wouldn't kill. It was better than trying to drown, because the pain was immediate and achievable over and over again.

* * *

The second-to-last day of her captivity, Azula awoke early and with the steadiness of mind that had evaded her all week. She stood up and stared at herself in the mirror. She was a wreck; she hadn't bathed for the past four days. The knife lay unsheathed on her bedside table, glinting in the light. She gave it a distasteful glance and slid it closed.

_Weakness_. She wasn't going to cut herself any longer, she told herself. Every pain she felt she would inflict on others. Every emotional scar of hers would reflect tenfold in the physical scars of them.

Even if some part of her knew she was lying to herself, it felt like strength. She shoved the knife into a dark place in a closet and told herself it would never come out again.

When Ozai came on the final day, it was to find Azula sitting on her bed in the midst of her bright, sunlit room. The curtains were parted and the room was immaculate, as was she. Even her hair had been tied up.

Azula got off the bed to bow, pressing her forehead into the ground before her father. She met his eyes with a steady, level gaze.

"Good afternoon, Father."

"Hello, Azula," he said, smiling pleasantly. There was something akin to relief on his features. Azula knew this was how he liked to see her: perfectly composed, ready for any mission he wanted to send her on, completely obedient—the perfect daughter.

"I have learned my lesson. I'm sorry I ever disobeyed you," she said, sitting back on her knees to meet his eyes. "I won't ask forgiveness. It's too much to ask."

"I see you've learned your lesson," Ozai said, still smiling down at her. She hated him looming above her like a statue, like something immovable and unconquerable.

"I hope so, Father. If I haven't, you may punish me however you wish."

The words tumbled from her mouth as if someone else was saying them. On the surface, Azula meant them. Only somewhere farther inside was she screaming in resistance. As she stared up at her father, she tried to stifle that part as much as was possible.

She had learned her lesson—a very valuable one. Cooperation made Ozai happy. Resistance, in any way, shape, or form, would only cause her pain.

Azula didn't want to think about the implications of this realization. She didn't want to think about Mai and Ty Lee. She would not show weakness to this man, not out of stubbornness, but because she knew what would happen.

_Resistance is futile._

* * *

__**A/N: Is it sick that this is my favorite chapter yet? It probably is, isn't it. Oh, well. Next chapter won't be as grim or trigger-heavy.**

**Okay, I want to clear up some "housekeeping" details, since I've been getting some comments and questions in reviews! This fic will run through the end of the series and conclude when the series concludes. The second installment, Firestorm, will continue after the series, while the final installment, Blizzard, will commence shortly thereafter. I will stick very closely to AtLA canon, but I will completely disregard The Promise, The Search, and Legend of Korra.**

**So. Now that I've said that...**

**Snow has reached 10,000 hits. This is incredible to me. I am so grateful for each and every one of you. I am grateful to those who have reviewed. I am grateful to those who have favorited or alerted. I am grateful to those who may just be reading along, or may read and then leave. I am grateful whether you have read one chapter, five, or all (now) nineteen. You guys have no idea how much it means to me. This fic isn't just about me or about Azula anymore-it's about every one of you who has taken a few minutes out of their day to enter the world of Avatar and the world of this fic. So to all of you who have walked with Azula, cried with Azula, laughed with Azula, or just read along with Azula, allow me to sincerely say:**

_**Thank you so much.**_

**See you guys next week!**


	20. The Student

Whatever she had been expecting her new firebending teacher to be, Azula wasn't anticipating what she got.

Kadija was elderly, certainly. She had practically no hair, simply a soft white fuzz that covered her head completely. She was very tall, but walked stooped over so far that she was practically bent double. She had so many wrinkles, it seemed the skin of her face would reach her knees if stretched out.

Kadija didn't like to talk.

On their first meeting, Azula walked to the courtyard based on a summons from her father, telling her she was to start her training immediately. She hadn't managed to feel excited about the lesson. She had found it difficult to feel excited about anything in the past few weeks.

The first thing Azula saw upon entering the training yard was a small ball, sitting in the midst of the ground. It was completely mundane except for the fact that it was painted bright orange and green, two lurid colors that clashed.

It was only after noticing the ball that Azula's gaze drifted up to the woman behind it. Kadija was smiling, bent over as usual, though she didn't have even a cane to support her.

"Master Kadija," Azula said automatically, bowing deeply. Kadija's face didn't change. She observed Azula patiently for a few seconds before sinking into a curtsy. For a few instants it seemed uncertain whether she would be able to rise from the curtsy; she trembled there and seemed in danger of falling over before finally straightening up.

Kadija didn't break the silence. Azula was disciplined enough to stand utterly still, her gaze fixed on her mentor's, the two of them locked in a silent understanding.

After several minutes of this, Kadija finally smiled. She bent down and picked up the ball in front of her, again seeming in danger of falling.

Azula looked more closely at the sphere. It was made of some hard substance, perhaps crystal or rock, and painted to look like an ordinary toy. She suspected she knew what Kadija wanted.

Without warning, the old woman lifted the ball and hurled it with surprising force into the air over Azula's shoulder. Azula spun and aimed a blast of fire, but the move was too sudden and she missed completely. The ball landed heavily on the ground in a puff of dirt.

Kadija shook her head, though her smile remained in place. She shuffled past Azula. Her steps seemed to take ages, but she finally managed to reach the ball. She picked it up once more, bouncing it lightly in her arm before throwing it in a new direction.

Azula barely had time to wonder whether this woman was mute before she fired another fireball. She missed. Kadija threw again. Azula missed again.

She was beginning to get frustrated of this game. Her failure was infuriating. It wasn't concentration she lacked, or skill. It seemed that there simply wasn't enough time to hit the ball and aim at once.

After ten consecutive failures, Kadija paused before throwing the ball again. When she finally spoke, her voice was so low and gravelly that it was hard for Azula to even hear.

"Think of different things."

"What?" Azula didn't mean to snap, but Kadija simply remained smiling, no matter the rudeness of Azula's tone.

"You think too much of you…your motion. Your bending. In combat, you must think of the enemy. Think of wind—very important with fire—and the ball's motion, and then fire."

"There's no time to aim," Azula said, trying to keep the impatience out of her voice.

Kadija shuffled over to drop the ball in Azula's hands, mute once more. She stood silent and waiting. Azula looked down at the sphere and then moved instinctively, throwing it as hard as she could in the opposite direction.

A single concentrated disc of fire shot out from Kadija's hand, whirling straight for the ball. It caught fire briefly and dropped, extinguishing in the dirt.

Azula couldn't help it. She stared. Not only had she never seen firebending used to make discs, but Kadija changed when she was bending. No longer did she seem old. Her forms were graceful and she hit her checkpoints with perfection. It was a true metamorphosis.

"Not aiming," Kadija said calmly as she retrieved the ball. "Feeling. Thinking. Anticipating. Much more important. Now you."

Azula thought that she had an inkling what her teacher was talking about, but she had no idea whether she was capable of it.

_No_, she thought, suddenly and fiercely, _I can and I will. I will hit the ball. Do what she says. Think. Anticipate_.

This time, she didn't just watch Kadija throw the ball.

She watched the muscles in the old woman's arm contract, as if in slow motion. She could see where the ball was going to be released. Her entire body tensed in anticipation of firebending. The instant the ball began to leave Kadija's fingers, Azula leaped into motion.

Her fireball didn't hit the sphere, but it was within a hair's distance of it.

This time, Kadija was nodding. Azula felt a rush of adrenaline in her veins, and she felt good. She wanted to try again. She was going to hit it this time, she knew.

And she did.

The sun was sinking low on the horizon when Kadija finally tucked the ball away in her robes and curtsied for Azula once more. Azula bowed back, full of a tentative respect for this woman. But as Kadija left the training ground, her clothes sweeping across the dirt behind her, doubts plagued Azula.

She remembered Ko Shen, too radical and dead. She remembered Malfon and Hu, traitors. Her teachers were all rotten in some way or another. She couldn't trust Kadija. She couldn't become dependent upon Kadija.

Azula was done relying on others.

* * *

It was a few nights later that Ozai summoned her to the throne room. She went without any real reaction. She didn't want to think of what was waiting for her, but at the same time she felt prepared for anything. Azula was determined not to live in fear. She would not snivel. She would not cry.

She was iron.

Azula kneeled before her father and pressed her forehead to the marble, the picture of the perfectly obedient daughter. When she straightened, Ozai was smiling, his head leaning on one hand as he surveyed her from the throne.

"School starts in only a few days, doesn't it, Azula?" he said quietly, the smile still lingering on his lips.

"Yes, Father."

"Are you excited?"

Azula knew what he wanted to hear. "I am indifferent, Father."

"That's good." Ozai lifted his head and met her gaze more squarely. "School for you will not be starting in only a few days. I'm afraid you won't be returning to school."

Azula pressed her face back down into a bow, both out of deference and to avoid showing the shocked disappointment on her face. She had become so expert at stifling emotions, and here she was, failing at that too.

"Of course, Father. May I ask what I will be doing instead?" Her voice was perfectly controlled. She showed none of the emotion she felt inside of her.

"You will continue to train daily with Kadija," Ozai said, leaning back in his throne. He seemed pleased that she had accepted the news so easily. "Continue your own studies. I know how you love the library. I believe you can teach yourself more than any tutor can."

"As you wish…"

"That is not all. I want you to begin attending all war and strategy meetings I hold. You will sit at my side, silent, and learn. This is a far more valuable education than anything your schoolteachers would have given you."

Was that scorn in his voice? Never mind that. Azula knew she was supposed to be honored and gracious at this pronouncement, so she gasped, her eyes widening. "Father…am I ready for such an honor?"

"You are." His lips split into a smile. "You will sit at my right hand, and you will learn all I have to teach you."

"And Zuko?" There was a hint of mockery, a hint of scorn, just barely perceptible at the edge of her voice. Azula couldn't help herself. She wanted to see how Ozai would react at the mention of his firstborn son, the child who should have been attending war meetings instead.

"Zuko will remain in school," Ozai said, after a brief pause. His tone said myriad things that his words did not, and Azula liked to hear every one of them.

"I thank you, Father. I am sure you know best, and I will be honored to learn at your side." Azula bowed one last time. Ozai looked down at her, the same, unmovable god, and smiled.

"That will be all, Azula. Dismissed."

She left the throne room with her heart still empty.

"Azula!"

She hadn't expected to see her brother waiting outside. She turned to face him.

"Oh, Zuko. What?"

Zuko was looking at her strangely, as though she had something on her face. "Why haven't I seen you?"

"I've been busy," Azula said carelessly. She played with one of her bangs, twisting it around her finger. She knew her effortless tone would imply things that Zuko didn't want to hear. "Father has many duties assigned for me. Hasn't he been giving you tasks too?"

"Well, some," Zuko said. Azula knew he was lying from the look in his eyes. She almost wanted to pity her brother. Staring into his eyes in that moment, she imagined she could see a clock, counting down his time. How long until Ozai unleashed his wrath upon his son, this naïve boy who couldn't even tell a convincing lie?

"Princess! How nice to see you."

It was Iroh. Of course. Azula should have expected him the instant she saw Zuko. The two of them were inseparable, it seemed. Perhaps Iroh was trying to mold Zuko into his dead son. With any luck, Zuko would die in battle young as well.

"Uncle," Azula said, nodding politely. "How have you been? Drinking plenty of tea, I hope?"

If Iroh caught the faint hint of sarcasm in her tone, he didn't acknowledge it. "Of course! Though not as much as I'd like, I'm afraid. I wish I could sample every tea from every country someday."

"You can, Uncle," Zuko said, smiling good-humoredly. "You're royalty. You can just order the servants to fetch you every kind you want!"

"I'm not sure the Fire Lord would agree with dispatching servants to every end of the world for that purpose," Iroh sighed. "It's too bad. I wish my brother would open his eyes to the benefits of a good cup of tea!"

Azula watched them, and for the first time in many days she felt a strong emotion. She didn't know if she had ever felt jealous of Zuko before, but she did in that moment.

It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. She should be the happy one. She should have been smiling and laughing. She was the one who had just been granted a huge honor! Why wasn't she happy?

Azula was angry at herself as she watched them. She had no reason to be jealous. None at all. She didn't want Iroh. She didn't want an idiotic uncle whom she could barely understand, let alone find amusing. She didn't want company. She didn't need company.

But she couldn't help but think of Mai and Ty Lee in that moment, and their faces when she did not appear at school on the first day, or the second, or the third…

Without paying attention to her brother and her uncle, Azula turned and swept out of the hall.

"Goodbye, Princess Azula!" Iroh called after her. Azula ignored him. She didn't need friends. She didn't need allies. She had her brain and her wits and her talents, and they would serve her better than other people ever would.

But even so, no matter how many times she told herself so, Azula couldn't stop herself from wanting to tell Mai and Ty Lee that she wouldn't be returning to school with them. She wanted to see them again.

It's not a weakness. It's not a crutch. I just feel responsible for them.

She could tell herself the same sayings over and over again, but Azula knew she had no control over those thoughts. She was who she was, and in that moment she needed her friends desperately.

_Mother wouldn't have called it weakness._

_Yes, because Mother was weak._

* * *

It had been nearly a year ago that Azula had last visited Ty Lee's hut on the outskirts of the city. Not much had changed in the locale—the people were still poor, the buildings were still ramshackle, Azula still didn't fit in. Yet she herself was different. As she passed all the poor citizens of her own country, Azula realized how similar they were to those in the Earth Kingdom.

_Civilizations differ, but the little people remain the same. Isn't that what one of my books said? I didn't think about it when I was there…_

School had started for Mai and Ty Lee about a month previous to this visit. Azula hadn't been able to come see them before then, partially because she forced herself not to, and partially because she was busy. Ozai was holding frequent war meetings, and she was obliged to attend all of them. Then she had to see various nobles, arrange various matters of state, and keep up with her firebending training.

The work gave her something to keep her mind on, but she wasn't happy. Azula felt numb. The nights with Ozai had lost their sting. He had lost his interest, temporarily, in punishing her. She was the perfect child. She was the perfect princess.

When Azula knocked on the door of the hut, it opened almost at once. It was one of Ty's sisters, older than Ty Lee and with a serious face.

This time, Azula hadn't bothered to wear a cloak or anything to conceal her identity. Everything from the crest in her hair to the shining stripe down her boot screamed royalty.

"Princess Azula!" The girl's eyes widened as she took Azula in, and she dropped to her knees. "To what do we owe the honor?"

Azula smiled down at the groveling girl. "I'm here for Ty."

"She's…she's not home from school yet, Princess," the girl said, lifting her face. "My deepest apologies. You are welcome, of course, to wait for her to return. I just put on a pot of tea…"

Azula curled her lip at the offer, thinking of her uncle and everything she hated about him. "Your chairs are unfit to serve as kindling for my fire. Still, I will accept your offer. How long will Ty be?"

"She's running later than usual, Your Majesty," Ty's sister said, getting off her knees and opening the door for Azula. "It should only be a few minutes."

"I hope you're right. I would hate to have to vent my anger on someone if Ty Lee doesn't show up," Azula said sweetly, walking inside and taking the first chair she saw.

"Of course, Your Majesty. Do you want anything?"

"Nothing you can give me," Azula snapped. The girl bowed again and backed away. Azula looked around the hovel and wondered where the rest of the family was. Presumably some of them were downstairs, inside the dirt bunker that had been dug out underneath the hut.

"Forgive me, Princess," the girl said suddenly, lifting her head to look up at Azula. "But Ty talks a lot about you. I think she cares about you. She's missed you."

"As she should." It was easy to conceal her emotions from this peasant.

"I'm sure she'll be glad to see you, that was all I meant," she said. "Please don't take offense. I didn't mean anything by it."

"I'm sure you didn't." Azula didn't want to look at this girl. How could Ty Lee be so different from all the rest of them? She wasn't a sniveling, obsequious coward. Or did she lack respect? Had Ty Lee never treated her with overt obedience because she didn't respect Azula's position?

No. It has to be that she's special. Azula couldn't stand to let any other thought poison her opinion of Ty. She had few enough friends as it was. She didn't need to mistrust the ones she had.

"I'm home!" The door banged open and there stood Ty, framed in light in the doorway and smiling. The school uniform looked familiar on her, so delicately embroidered that it looked out of place in the hovel. Her eyes widened as she took in the room. "Azula!"

She flew over to hug the princess. Azula accepted the embrace reluctantly.

"Look, Ty, I know you're excited, but this needs to be a short trip."

Maybe it was the hint of impatience in Azula's tone, or the look on her face, but Ty Lee's smile faded as she stepped back.

"I'm really glad you're here, Azula. I missed you. Where have you been? Why haven't you been coming to school? It's unbearable without you. Mai's always so bleak…"

"Father is having me privately instructed now," Azula said, standing and pacing around the small space. Ty Lee's sister was watching them with wide eyes. "I…I won't be coming back to school. That was really why I came to see you, to say goodbye."

"What do you mean, goodbye?" Ty Lee asked. She looked alarmed. "This can't be goodbye! We'll see each other again, even if you're not in school, won't we?"

Azula looked away. She couldn't stand to see the sadness in Ty Lee's eyes. "Father says I'm not to see either of you anymore. He'll…well, you know what he'll do if he catches me. It's for the best for all of us. I don't want to get you two in trouble."

"We aren't important!" Ty Lee said indignantly. "I don't care if I get hurt. I want what's best for you!"

"And what's best for me is staying away right now, Ty," Azula said softly. "You can understand that, can't you? You have to understand that."

"I can understand it," Ty said. "But…but I won't accept it! I don't care if it's selfish! I want to see you. You have to promise that you'll still come visit. It can't be that dangerous if you're walking around with all your fancy royal clothes on, can it?"

Azula frowned. "I don't want to hear that from you!"

"And I don't want to hear that we won't see each other anymore!" Ty Lee said stubbornly. "I'm going to see you. You have to visit us. I don't care when or for how long. If you don't, I'll hunt your father down myself, and maybe he'll execute me!"

"You don't have to do that!" Azula sighed. She could tell this was an argument she was losing. She had never been able to say no to Ty Lee. "…Look. Ty. You really are being selfish, you know. It's for the best for all of us if we don't see each other. But if you're so insistent, and if it's really that important to you…"

"It is!"

"Then I suppose I might be able to make time out of my schedule every once in a while to see you. I don't know how often. I am very busy."

"Well, you are a princess." Ty Lee was smiling again, as if nothing bad had ever happened. Azula hated that look on her face. She hated everything about Ty Lee. The questions she had been asking herself for a month were all answered right here, in this hovel.

She was happiest when she was with her friends. More than successes, more than status, her happiness was found here, when she was able to share time with Mai and Ty. And she hated that, because Azula would never allow that dream to become her life.

She was a princess. She was loyal only to her father. All others were expendable. It was a lesson she had been taught from birth—she would not go against it now. She had ambitions and goals and plans, things that she could never share with them. She hated them for it, for their freedom. Ty Lee, even if she was a peasant, had every possible destiny in life stretching out before her.

Azula had one. One destiny, forged for her the instant she had been born. She couldn't change her fate any more than she could change the blood that ran in her veins. What was more, she didn't want to. She wanted her destiny. Power was happiness.

That was also what she had been taught her whole life.

"Azula, are you okay?"

Ty's arms were wrapped around her again, and Azula realized that she had been crying. She hated herself for it, and even more she hated Ty, for witnessing her in all her moments of weakness. She didn't want to be seen as weak ever again. Not by her friends. Not by her father. Not by her brother or her uncle or anyone in the world. She wanted her name to mean fear, not weakness.

She wanted power.

"I'm fine!" She shoved Ty Lee away from her. Ty fell back against the table, but Azula didn't care. She was halfway to the door and then she was outside in two steps. She battled the urge to throw a fireball at the hut, torching this representation of all her anger and weakness. She wanted to see something burn.

Azula was still in the depths of the city, walking down an alley, when a small ball sped around the corner and hit her leg. It didn't hurt, but it enraged Azula nonetheless.

"Hey, that's out of bounds!"

A gang of boys scrambled around the corner, laughing with each other. They looked older than Azula, if much less cared for.

"See, you hit this little girl!" The ringleader was laughing, pointing at Azula until he took the time to really take her in. His eyes widened with terror. Azula loved that look. It gave her a thrill of the kind that nothing else ever would.

"P-Princess Azula! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to call you a little girl!" he stammered, backing up without his ball. Azula picked it up, tossing it idly to herself with one hand.

"Who hit me?"

"Please, Princess, it was an accident," the ringleader was pleading. Azula took a second to admire his willingness to defend his friend, but she wasn't one to give in for such reasons.

"Accidents can take lives too," Azula said sternly. "If a captain, in battle, accidentally incinerates one of his men, he's still to blame. If a naval officer runs aground because he wasn't paying attention, it's his fault. So, if a boy playing with a ball happens to hit his princess, he should take responsibility, shouldn't he?"

Even though they were older, and even though they were taller, something in Azula's manner towered over them. Perhaps it was her impeccable attire. Perhaps it was the unnamed threat that she could bend in an instant. Perhaps it was simply that she was royalty, and in that moment it showed.

"I…yes, Your Majesty, but—"

"Who hit me?" Azula repeated, a false sweetness in her voice before it curled into a snarl. She held the ringleader in a fierce glare until he dropped his head.

"It was him, Princess Azula." He pointed at the boy next to him, who instantly blanched.

"I'm sorry, Princess! I'll do anything you ask!"

"I ask that you be a lesson to your friends to play more carefully. That's all." Azula turned away from them and began walking down the alleyway.

"Thank you for your mercy—"

He was cut off in the midst of his sentence. Without turning, with the same steadiness she had when in training with Kadija, Azula extended one arm behind her and fired a ball of flame. It caught him full in the chest, with as much force and deadliness as if she had thrown a knife. He didn't have time to cry out. He fell backwards, his eyes abruptly empty as his shirt caught fire.

Azula didn't pause to listen to the yells of the other boys. She left the alleyway, the scent of singed clothing and singed flesh still fresh in her nostrils. She smiled as she walked away, smiled as she heard their voices mourning.

She had been wrong. She had been so, so wrong. Happiness wasn't time with her friends, who did not respect her as they should. Happiness was not time with others, making small talk and suppressing her true desires.

Happiness was power. Pure, undiluted power. The power her father held over her as surely as a weapon. The power she held in her fingertips whenever she bent. The power the boy had felt only a few seconds ago.

Azula was happy.

* * *

**A/N: Hello, everybody. How are you guys? I'm sadly feeling rather ill today. Ah, well. But you don't care about me! You care about Azula, right? So anyway, perhaps you've noticed the new cover, drawn by yours truly. Love it? Hate it? Couldn't care less?**

**As usual, you guys are fantastic and amazing and I love you all. I'm too sleepy to write a longer note. But have a good week, and I'll see you next Sunday!**


	21. Seasons and Lightning

**TRIGGER WARNING: SELF-HARM**

* * *

Slowly autumn rolled away into winter.

The seasons in the Fire Nation were never obviously divided. Only some of the trees lost their leaves, and the climate barely changed. Autumn and spring had more storms, while winter was the driest season. Other than that, dew still clung to green leaves, waves still washed on the sandy shore, and the sun above beat down with the same strength as it always did.

Azula was not as unchanging as the seasons. She was growing, and not only physically. Her bending skills were becoming more and more fine-tuned. Kadija taught her a thousand different ways of manipulating fire, until Azula was able to perform feats she had never even seen her father do. She should have felt happy, she told herself. These were accomplishments of which to be proud. But there was no happiness.

She could feel herself falling into a slow lethargy. Though none of her skills slackened, she performed them with less and less enthusiasm. She had not cried for one month…two months…three months…

Nobody noticed the difference. Nobody cared to. To Ozai, Azula was the perfect daughter. She spoke only when spoken to and said only what her father desired to hear. Her bruises had started healing.

Azula felt dead. She was irritable with her handmaidens. One day, she shot a fireball at one simply for bringing her the wrong pair of shoes. She liked watching the woman duck and cringe, and made a mental note to repeat the punishment much more often.

There was nothing to alleviate the depression. She had not made good on her promise to visit Ty Lee. Once or twice Mai sent a messenger hawk to her. Azula ignored them, and gradually the missives stopped coming.

She was not a robot. Azula was not a monster. For every smile she gave Kadija, every perfect firebending move, every sentence she read in every textbook, every war meeting she attended at her father's side, there was a thin cut made by a sharp knife somewhere on her body.

In the corner of Azula's bedroom, there was an ornamental vase. It had no flowers in it, nor any remarkable pattern. It was made of beautiful red glass that looked like fire when the sun shone through it.

The vase was slowly accumulating pieces of paper. Some of them were written in a neat hand, some scrawled as if by a madman. Some were clean and devoid of anything but the writing. Some were stained with blood.

Every time she removed the knife from its hiding place, Azula told herself that this would be the last time. Every time she slid the blade across her skin and watched the crimson trail that followed, she wrote on a piece of paper.

_Unable to master new move._

_Father reprimanded me._

_Felt lonely._

_Zuko doing better in school._

_Note from Mai._

_Father called me to his rooms last night._

_I don't know what's wrong with me._

Some of the cuts healed. She didn't always dig deeply. Sometimes the pain was too much. But some of them became scars, until the faint lines littered her body. Azula was careful not to leave marks where anyone could see. She wouldn't make the mistake she had made with Mai again. Her upper thighs, her lower stomach, and her chest were covered with marks. If Ozai noticed, and surely he did, then he didn't comment.

Azula wondered if he even cared. He inflicted enough pain on her that doubtless he didn't care whatever she was doing to herself.

She wondered if anyone cared. She thought of Mai and Ty Lee and then drew the knife across her skin again. She knew they cared, and she hated them for it. She wondered sometimes if she would ever see them again, and thought that it would be better if she didn't.

There was no good news from the front. Ba Sing Se remained as impregnable as its reputation. The smaller Earth Kingdom territories were slowly being conquered, but these little gains meant nothing. Azula could tell that her father was losing patience. During one meeting he threatened a general with death should the man not have good news for him. That particular general never returned. Nobody ever commented on his absence.

Azula felt ill. There was something rotten growing inside of her, and outside of her nothing was better. There was no light. Azula had forgotten what she was working toward. She only cared about survival, and she watched the world go by with indifference tinged with terror.

* * *

"Princess, a message from your father."

It was early spring. The climate was still the same. Azula still felt cold. She was sitting alone in her room, reading one of the gigantic history books that were her only friend and refuge. She looked up to meet the servant's eyes.

"Give it here."

He handed over the piece of paper. Lately Ozai had frequently been too busy to see Azula himself, and he had taken to sending others in his place. Azula was not about to complain, even if her father always made time to see her at night.

"Now go."

The servant bowed and exited her room. Azula broke the wax seal—was it really necessary to seal a missive that would not leave the palace?—and read her father's narrow, imperial handwriting.

_There is to be a demonstration of lightningbending at the Academy by an old master. I want you to attend. It is about time you learned. Three days from now, first thing in the morning. You will go. No questions._

Azula tossed the piece of paper aside and rolled onto her back to stare up at the ceiling. Lightningbending…it was a very rare gift. She didn't think that even Kadija could do it. Azula had started to wonder whether it ran strongest in the royal bloodline, though now and again one heard about skilled benders who had mastered the technique in some faraway place.

Lightning was, for firebenders, an ultimate goal and ultimate power. Yet only an elite few had ever been able to master it. Azula knew that her uncle, much as she despised him, was a lightningbender, and that only made her resent him more.

Utter control. Utter peace of mind. Lightning required the ability to let go of one's own thoughts and desires. It was the opposite of the basics of firebending—with lightning, determination and ambition were detractors. Lightning required utterly frigid serenity.

Ever since she had known what it was, Azula had dreamed of lightning. That deadly, vicious power, streaming from her fingers to maim and kill. It was quick. Precise. Deadly.

And then Azula remembered Ko Shen, dancing gruesomely in the air as electricity poured into his body. She remembered the nightmares of her father doing the same to her. Lightning could bring down anyone, no matter how strong.

She wanted it more than she had ever wanted anything. The lethargic depression that had consumed her seemed to melt away as she considered the possibilities. Bending the sky. Bending perfect and beautiful lightning, more deadly than any other technique. The thought was utterly intoxicating, and somewhere inside Azula was brimming with excitement.

On the outside, she simply stared up at her ceiling, waiting for the day to come.

* * *

Azula approached the walls of her old school with trepidation. She knew it was ridiculous, that she would be welcomed with open arms and feeling fear of any kind was only weakness, but she couldn't stop the fear. She didn't belong here anymore.

"Princess, lead the way," one of her guards said, bowing deeply. Azula ignored him. Rather than simply dropping her off at the gates the way they had used to, the soldiers had been instructed to stay close to the princess. Azula suspected this was simply a mechanism of her father to check whether she was going to reunite with Mai and Ty Lee.

It was idiotic. Azula doubted whether her father could pick her two friends out of a crowd. He had never had a good memory for the faces of peasants.

Azula turned heads in much the same way she always had when she was attending school. She walked through the gates without looking left and right, heading for the courtyard where the demonstration was taking place. She hadn't taken a dozen steps when, sure enough, there they were.

"You liar!" Ty Lee cartwheeled across the grass before finishing in a front handspring, coming to land directly in front of Azula. For once, Ty was frowning. "Liar!"

"You will not address the princess in that manner!" one of her guards began, stepping forward and lowering his spear. "Apologize immediately, peasant!"

"Stand down," Azula said lazily, holding one hand up to stop the guard's advance. "I know her." She strode forward until she and Ty Lee were barely a hair's width away. "Do you really want to do this, Ty?"

Ty Lee's eyes widened, and for the first time since they had met she had fear in her eyes. "Azula…I only meant that—I mean, you promised to come visit…"

"I did promise," Azula said, smiling coldly. "And yet I failed to come. I am the princess, Ty Lee. Are you arrogant enough to think I don't have other responsibilities? Do you think I have enough time to come and visit you on your whims?"

"That's not what I meant!" Ty Lee's tone was rising, but she seemed to check herself and lower it again. "I didn't mean to imply anything like that. I just wanted to see you is all. And I really thought you would come to see me!"

"Perhaps one day when I'm not so busy," Azula said, still smiling coldly. She thought of the long hours alone in her room with her knife, and how that was valuable time when she could have seen them…and then shoved the thought away. They didn't deserve to see her at her lowest.

_They don't deserve to see me, or I don't deserve to have friends like them?_

Another unbidden thought. She shoved it away and forced all her hatred of herself outward, onto the girl standing in front of her.

"Now get out of my way. I'm busy. I don't have time to play with you any longer."

She tried not to see the hurt and the pain building up in Ty Lee's eyes as Azula led her guards past her. Azula tried not to think about the tears forming in those eyes. She didn't want to think about what she was doing to Ty Lee. All she could do was focus on hating her.

The faculty at the school had seemingly been sent word that the princess was coming, as they had a special seat prepared for her. Azula sat in the shade, with the headmaster on one side and one of the firebending teachers on the other. Her chair was draped with crimson and gold streamers. The other children were forced to sit in the grass, forming a semicircle around the podium where the lightningbender would perform his demonstration.

Mai and Ty Lee were absent. Azula supposed that it was a waste of time to have non-bending students attend a display of bending. Either way, she was glad they weren't there. She didn't want to have to feel guilt sweeping her stomach whenever she looked at the crowd.

Several minutes after she had sat down, a man walked out onto the stage. He was old, probably around Iroh's age, though nowhere near Kadija. The students greeted him with a polite round of applause. Azula was studying him with narrowed eyes.

"I have been called here to show you lightning," he said without preamble. "Though it is highly probable that none of you here present will ever achieve so much as a spark of electricity." His gaze met Azula's; his eyes were bright blue.

He shifted into a powerful stance. His legs were spread apart, providing balance while he held his hands in fists at his waist. His right hand had two fingers unfurled, pointing directly upward.

"Lightning uses less of the body than simple fire, because lightning requires intense concentrations of energy in a single part." He spoke tiredly, as though he had rehearsed and rehashed this line a million times before.

"Once the energy is concentrated, it simply…bends." He held his two fingers upright and a glowing, crackling ball of blue-white energy appeared. The students gasped. Azula supposed that for many of them, this would be the first time they had ever seen lightningbending before. She tried not to think of Ko Shen as she stared at the light.

The bender stopped talking then, his concentration wholly on his bending. He twisted his hand back and forth in strange, snakelike motions. Azula leaned forward, concentrating, and saw that he was, in fact, increasing the amount of electricity. The sparkling energy around his hands was growing wilder and wilder, until he concentrated and thrust it upwards. The lightning shot away into the sky. There was a distant sound of thunder.

"That is the basic lightningbending form," the old man grunted, returning to his previous position. "Though lightning doesn't have many set forms. Since so few people use it, they usually just use their own techniques. Unlike firebending, there is no reference or encyclopedia. The power and direction is entirely up to the user."

He was reverting back to his recitation tone. Azula had to force herself to concentrate.

The demonstration continued for another half-hour. The man narrated everything he did in the same deliberate, desperately dull voice. He performed several other moves with electricity, but he was so boring that it was difficult for anyone to pay attention. Glancing around, Azula noticed at least three students nodding off, and even the headmaster seated next to her looked on the verge of sleep.

Azula herself had long ago ceased paying attention and was playing with a loose thread on her pants. She was revisiting her conversation with Ty Lee, thinking of a few choice things she could have said. She tried not to think of the horrified look on her friend's face…

_I shouldn't care about what she thinks! I don't care about what she feels! I'm the princess! I'm the only one who matters!_

While she had been raised, Azula had been told that mantra every day. Why was it so difficult for her to believe it now?

_Because having friends changes everything_, she thought dully, wrapping the stray thread around her finger and tugging until it pulled away from the fabric.

"Princess Azula, are you ready to return to the palace?"

Azula looked around. She had been so lost in her own thoughts that she had failed to notice the demonstrator stop talking. One of her guards was bending over her; it was he who had spoken.

"Yes, of course," she said, swinging her legs around to the front of the chair and standing. On her side, the headmaster bowed.

"What an honor to have you here, Princess—"

"Save it," Azula snapped, walking away with her guards behind her. "I haven't forgotten the time you tried to have me expelled. No use sucking up now."

All during the palanquin ride back to the palace, Azula was restless. No position felt comfortable. She constantly glanced out of the curtains, foolishly, as if seeing whether they were being followed. Of course there was nobody there.

Just Azula, alone with her guilt.

* * *

Azula had barely stepped foot inside the walls of the palace when a servant came hurrying toward her. He bowed deeply, smiling.

"Welcome back, Princess Azula! I have a message from the Fire Lord. He wishes for you to join him immediately within the throne room."

Azula nodded with a sinking feeling. Ozai hadn't told her that there would be a war meeting today, which meant he could only be summoning her for one reason. Azula tried to stop the bile from rising in her throat. She didn't want to think of what new bruises she would be sporting within the hour.

But, for once, Azula was wrong. When she entered the throne room, it was not Ozai alone waiting for her. Her father was sitting in his throne, but a heavy wooden table sat in the middle. The whole war council, it appeared, was present. Perhaps there had been a meeting, and her father had simply failed to mention it.

She ignored them as she circled around the table to kneel in her usual place in front of the throne. Her back felt hot; she was sure all of the generals were staring at her.

"You called, Father?"

"I did." His face was veiled in shadow. "You've returned from your lightningbending course. I want you to show us what you learned."

Azula felt as if her stomach froze. "You want me to…bend for you?"

"Precisely." Ozai leaned back in the throne and folded his hands in his lap. "I assume, of course, that you are up to the challenge. After all, you are my most capable child…"

Azula didn't think she could breathe. She couldn't refuse. She couldn't! But this…how could her father expect her to bend lightning, just like that? She wanted to glare at him, but she knew it was useless. She had only one choice—to perform.

"Of course, Father." She stood and assumed the form she remembered the man showing them that morning: legs spread, arms at her waist, two fingers pointing up at the sky. She ran over what he had done in her mind—but she couldn't just mimic the moves. Forms weren't enough to produce lightning. She needed…more.

Azula thought over the infinite scrolls she had read on the topic. Lightning required deadly precision and focus of mind. Only one who was mentally serene could summon it.

She tried to empty her mind. She breathed in slowly and out with equal speed. She tried not to think about the fact that her heart was racing, her palms were sweating…

If she failed in front of the generals, she knew Ozai would punish her. Azula's breath caught in her throat. Serenity? How could she be serene at a time like this, under such pressure?

_You must!_ she ordered herself. _You cannot fail! Failure is not an option! Failure is never an option!_

"…Well, Azula?" Ozai asked. Was that a tinge of malice in his voice? One or two of the generals tittered. Azula's blood boiled. Was this only about humiliating her?

She couldn't stop the anger that was building up inside of her. She thought of the movements she was about to execute and lifted her head high.

Azula's two fingers wound through the air like a snake. She thought about fire concentrating in them, about pushing fire out of them…

_Failure is not an option!_

But when Azula finished the forms and lunged with her fingers outstretched, it was not lightning that came forth. It wasn't even fire.

Azula stared at her outstretched fingers for what seemed like an eternity. They…they hadn't even sparked. Her mind was racing, desperate to come up with an explanation.

There was none to be found save one.

Failure.

Was that a round of drumbeats, or the steady thumping of her own heart? Was there an ocean rushing outside the walls, or was it only her breath? Why did she feel so cold, as if she had just been dunked in ice-cold water?

Azula's eyes strained until they began watering and she began seeing double. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. She wanted to dig her nails in, burn herself, something to stop the overwhelming feeling building inside of her.

Failure.

Were the generals laughing at her? She was sure that they were, though the only sound she could hear was the rushing of blood in her ears. Was she going to die? She couldn't stand it any longer. She couldn't stand there, feeling as if she were about to erupt. She couldn't deal with the pain. She had failed. Not only in front of her father, but in front of all the generals. Azula didn't want it. It was unbearable. There was something broken inside of her and something wrong with her brain. She wasn't crying. Sadness was the furthest thing from what she felt. The only emotion rushing through her brain was pure, unbridled panic.

Failure.

Was someone speaking? Their words were falling onto deaf ears. Azula's mind was swimming. She didn't realize she was hyperventilating. Her vision was becoming pixilated. She couldn't force her eyes to focus on her arm long enough to realize that she was trembling violently. She was utterly nauseous and couldn't believe she was still on her feet.

_Make it stop! I can't have failed! I can't! I've never failed before! Never! I'm useless if I'm a failure! Zuko is worth more than me…I am useless. Pointless! I don't even deserve to die._

It was a wonder that the obscenities Azula was screaming at herself on the inside hadn't spilled out. She stood there, the center of attention in the spacious throne room. All eyes were fixed on her in the silence. Nobody made a sound.

Until Ozai shifted, crossing his legs, and the spell was broken.

Azula couldn't remain standing any longer. Her legs couldn't support her. She fell forward, ungraceful, and managed to catch herself. She splayed her hands out in front of her, head hidden in her knees, as if she was appealing for mercy from her father.

But Ozai wasn't even on Azula's mind. Failing him meant nothing to her. She knew, deep down, the reason everything hurt. It wasn't failing anyone else.

It was disappointing herself.

"That will be all, Azula." She didn't dare look up at her father. She couldn't bear to see the stern expression she imagined he must be wearing. She wanted to die, there on the marble floor. It would be merciful for her father to throw fire at her.

"Yes, Father."

Somehow she stood. Somehow she bowed. Somehow she managed to turn and make her slow way out of the throne room, still screaming on the inside. She thought of a knife, lying far away in a pile of silk in her rooms, and she smiled a twisted smile.

Azula would punish herself for this failure more thoroughly than anyone else ever could.

She already had.

* * *

**A/N: Too sleepy to write long note. Love you guys. See you next week.**


	22. Azula, Prodigy

**TRIGGER WARNING: SELF-HARM**

* * *

Several new slips of paper were added to the catalogue of pain that night. The first read "I failed." The others were unlabeled.

The corresponding gashes on her stomach were longer and deeper than Azula had ever inflicted on herself before. She cut herself open and watched the blood run down her fingers, and she felt as if she was washing herself, cleansing herself of her own failure by blood.

Azula didn't scream. She didn't allow herself to. Giving in to this, she told herself, was an even worse failure than that she had already committed. She punished herself in silence, and then washed and applied a stinging ointment to the cuts. She felt light-headed and euphoric. The cuts were like a drug. They erased her mistakes. She looked at them and felt sorry for herself, and internally screamed the message she wanted to tell all of them.

This is what you've done to me!

She was always very careful to stop blood from staining her sheets. She didn't want the servants asking strange questions. When a drop of scarlet managed to find its way onto the crimson silk, she ran it under water as it slowly faded.

Azula liked playing with it, the liquid of life. She used drops to color her lips instead of her lipstick. She ran her fingers down her face and then washed her hands, watching the water in her wash basin slowly turn red.

That night, she lay alone in bed and thought of the future. Azula thought calmly and rationally. She hadn't seen her father since that morning. He hadn't called her. She was trying not to dwell on what that might mean.

She couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned, at once trying not to think of her failure and unable to dwell on anything else. At long last she rose, shaking the covers off of her and standing in front of the mirror. There was a demon staring back at her, a girl with a gaunt face, long black hair, and eyes that looked a thousand years old, not nine.

Azula leaned forward and rested her hand on the glass. She didn't care if it left marks. Smudges for the perfect glass; mistakes for the perfect girl.

She was rational enough to draft the message to Mai. She wrote in ink, sloppy slashes of blue color on the yellow parchment.

_I will see you tomorrow. -Azula_

It wasn't about desire. It wasn't about wanting to see her friends. It was the only logical conclusion Azula had been able to reach. She needed to master lightning. She couldn't accept her failure. She would reverse it into something glorious. Even Ozai would forgive her.

Azula didn't want to train in the palace. Paranoia crept into the edges of her mind. She didn't want Ozai to find out about what she was doing. She wanted utter solace.

Mai's estate was large enough that it contained spacious grounds, after all. Azula planned to go there and practice until she could bend lightning. She didn't care if it took hours, days, or weeks. She would do it. She would turn this grievous failure of hers into something that she could be proud of.

* * *

Azula rose at dawn. She had slept fitfully after getting up to write the message. Her personal messenger hawk had returned when she exited her room that morning, without a return note. Azula wondered if Mai would be angry at her for how she had treated Ty Lee yesterday.

She decided she didn't care.

Azula didn't want to catch attention. She pulled on a tunic and tights in a red the color of dried blood, hoping she would be less conspicuous when she wasn't wearing something with lavish embroidery.

She had a few swallows of tea and the grain mixture that was her breakfast. Her maidservants watched her worriedly, but Azula couldn't force herself to eat anything more.

Pulling a cloak over her shoulders, Azula exited the palace. Those guards she saw nodded and bowed to her. None of them asked her where she was going, despite the early hour. Azula doubted whether Zuko and Ozai were even awake yet.

She turned down the palanquin ride and opted instead to travel to Mai's house on foot. As it was one of the first houses located in front of the palace, the walk wasn't hard. Azula paused on the doorstep, wondering whether anybody was awake.

_I don't care if they are. I'm the princess, and I told her I was coming. _

A young servant opened the door for her and bowed at her knock. "Your Majesty! We have been awaiting your arrival. Please, come in. Would you care for anything to drink? To eat?" When Azula shook her head, he continued. "Mai is waiting for you in her room. If you would please follow me, I will lead you there."

"Of course." Azula smiled coldly and followed him up the stairs. She remembered the last time she had been in this house, upon her return from the Earth Kingdom. It felt like eons ago.

The servant knocked briefly on the door and then swept it open. "Lady Mai, Princess Azula is here to see you."

Azula strode in and waited until the door was firmly shut behind her to go any further. She lifted her gaze and saw two pairs of eyes staring back at her.

Two?

Ty Lee was lying on the ground in a pile of blankets, blinking owlishly. Her hair was undone and in loose waves down her shoulders.

"Good morning, Azula." Mai rose out of bed, looking ghostly in a pale nightrobe. She bowed along with Ty Lee. "I'm glad you've arrived safely."

Her tone was frosty, even for Mai's usual stoic self. Azula narrowed her eyes. How dare Mai speak to her like that? She deserved respect.

"Hi, Azula!" Ty Lee still sounded enthused about seeing her friend, but she didn't leap up to hug Azula this time. The faint tinge of fear was still poisoning her expression.

Azula closed her eyes and stepped forward. She kneeled down in front of Ty Lee and held her arms wide, as an invitation. It was worth it to see Ty Lee's eyes light up in her usual happiness, and a second later Azula found herself in her friend's embrace. For once she didn't pull away.

_Come on, Azula. Apologize_. Some part of her brain was urging her, almost desperately. Azula opened her mouth and couldn't form the necessary words. _Apologize! It'll come out! Just say something!_

_Don't apologize_. The other part of her, the colder side of Azula, had joined the fight. _Apologies are weakness. Apologies are for peasants. You don't owe anyone anything. You are Azula, princess of the Fire Nation. Don't apologize. You've already failed enough for one day. Do you want to show additional weakness?_

_What would your father say?_

Azula closed her mouth, and Ty Lee was pulling away, and the chance to apologize was gone.

"What's in the bag?" Mai asked, pointing at the satchel Azula was carrying over one shoulder. Azula shrugged it off and opened it.

"Scrolls. Scrolls on lightningbending." She held one up. Mai took it, inspected the paper, and handed it back.

"Why did you bring scrolls on lightningbending?"

"Isn't that why you were at the school yesterday?" Ty Lee chipped in. "For the bending demonstration?"

"That was yesterday, wasn't it?" Mai said vaguely, staring off into space.

"I…yes, that was why I was there." Azula's throat seemed to constrict. She had to tell them, but she didn't want to. Admitting her failure to herself was hard enough, let alone sharing it with others. Telling them about it would make the horror of the previous day seem real, somehow, more concrete.

But she didn't think she had a choice.

"I went to the bending demonstration. It was exceedingly unhelpful." Her brow furrowed. "All he did was show us bending. He didn't even explain how to do it. And his voice…he was so boring. Anyway, when I got home, Father asked me to lightningbend for him."

Azula tried to ignore the bile rising in her throat as she relived the previous day in her imagination. She didn't want to think about her father staring coldly down at her, along with all the other generals. The memories were too fresh and too painful.

"Wait, what?" Mai tilted her head to one side. "Your father asked you to bend lightning for him, after you'd only seen one demonstration?"

"I've seen it other times," Azula said without thinking.

"When?"

"…Father likes using it." Azula turned her head away, trying not to think of Ko Shen. "So I've seen it before. But I…but when I tried…"

Her voice was getting choked up, she realized. She didn't want to continue. She didn't seem to have to. Azula shook her head and dropped the sentence. She felt a hand on either of her shoulders and looked up into her friends' faces.

"Azula, you had only seen it once. That's horrible of him to ask you right away like that!" Ty Lee's brow was furrowed in righteous indignation for her friend.

"Not horrible," Azula said flatly. "There was no excuse. I've done other things after only seeing them once. I couldn't do this. I failed. I…I really failed."

There was a sort of childish wonder in her voice.

"Well, what are you going to do about that then?" Mai, always the practical one, asked.

"That's why I came. Mai, I need to practice, but I don't want to do it anywhere my father will think to look. Can I use your gardens?"

"Oh, sure," Mai said, looking taken aback.

"Azula, are you really going to try and do it?" Ty Lee looked worried. "But you really have only ever seen one demonstration. Don't you think it's dangerous?"

"Practice isn't dangerous. Achievement isn't dangerous!" Azula didn't know if she was angry at herself or at Ty Lee. "Failure is dangerous! I'm going to teach myself how to lightningbend and I'm going to show my father. That's the only way I can make up for my mistake."

Though both of her friends looked unsure, they seemed reluctant to argue with her any further. After trading a few looks, Mai stood.

"Ty, you can stay here and get dressed. Azula, I'll take you out back. Did you already have breakfast? Do you want anything?"

Azula shook her head and followed Mai after the door as Ty lee started braiding her hair, watching the two of them leave.

"Lady Mai. Princess Azula." A servant outside the door bowed to both of them. Azula ignored him, but Mai stopped.

"Bring food out to the gardens for me and Ty Lee."

"Of course." He bowed, smiling, and hurried down the stairs ahead of him. Azula privately thought that Mai's house seemed too small to have servants…but then, not everybody could live in a palace.

Once on the ground floor, Mai led Azula through the spacious living room and out the doors into the back garden. It was remarkably quiet; the entire area was fenced in, so that the roofs of surrounding buildings were just barely visible, peeking over the top.

"Go wherever you like," Mai said, making her way over to a stone bench and seating herself. Azula looked around before deciding on an overhanging tree. Its long, trailing branches gave the semblance of privacy.

She sat with her back to Mai and opened the first scroll. As the demonstrator had mentioned the previous day, few readings actually had any good material dedicated to bending lightning. All of the scrolls Azula had brought were on firebending as a whole, and they simply mentioned lightning in one capacity or another.

_Lightningbending requires calmness and serenity of mind._

Azula stared down at the words. She already knew that. How to achieve it, on the other hand, was another thing entirely. She read the next paragraph, hoping there would be something more useful there.

_Lightning is the precise heating of fire into a single, searing point of the body. Typically, lightningbenders utilize their fingers for this extremely precise skill. The more powerful benders, however, are capable of producing lightning with their hands, showering bolts from each finger._

Azula rolled the scroll closed, her heart beating in her throat. That was exactly what her father had done, all the times she had seen him bend lightning. He used not just his fingers, but his whole hand. It was terrifying.

_Start small. You will do that someday_, she told herself coldly. She tossed the scroll aside and stood. Further reading was useless. It was time for action. Azula had learned things in shorter spans of time before, and this would be no different.

Ty Lee quietly entered the garden and seated herself beside Mai. They looked on Azula with a mixture of awe and anticipation. Surely they were anticipating miracles.

Azula mentally promised them that, before the day was out, she would deliver precisely those miracles they were expecting.

_Focusing fire…best to start with basic exercises then._ Azula slid through her forms effortlessly. She had done them so often that she could have performed them in her sleep. To any non-bender, however, the fire whirling about her was always a sight to behold.

Azula could feel her muscles loosening and limbering as she bent. Heat rushed along each artery and vein and capillary she possessed, until she felt as if she was on fire. It wasn't a frightening sensation; it felt as if she was being filled with energy. If just firebending produced such a rush, she thought, what would lightning feel like when it streamed through her veins?

Though fire exploded outward from her in every possible direction, not a single plant in the garden was singed. Azula pulled the fire back toward her effortlessly, before finally extinguishing it and coming to a standstill. She was trying to ignore the whispers coming from Mai and Ty Lee's spot in the garden.

Fire forced into a minute and precise point.

Clearly she was going to have to use her fingers. Azula thought she understood the necessary process. It was only a matter of successfully replicating it.

She focused all her energy as if she was bending. Azula felt fire streaming through her veins again, but this time made a measured attempt not to let it explode out of her. She stood utterly still. Once or twice a few loose sparks found their way into the air. Without forms to properly guide and release the fire, however, it did not want to burst outwards.

Sweat was dripping down her forehead. The inner heat was only increasing. Azula refused to stifle the fire, though. She was not going to fail this time. Not again. Even as her arms shook with the effort of resistance, even as every nerve inside of her felt as if she was being burned alive, she stood still and calm.

Part of Azula was observing the spectacle eagerly. She wanted to see how much fire she could build up in her veins before she gave up and released it. The other part was afraid that she would lose control of the flames and they would consume her.

When the heat inside of her had built to the point when she was sure she would die if it wasn't released, Azula began forcing it toward her right hand. She thought of moving the warmth up through her legs, flowing through her torso, into her arms and her hands…the same warmth, flowing up one arm and down the other…

It was working.

Her toes were abruptly cool inside her shoes. Her legs were no longer burning, her forehead no longer dripping with sweat. All the heat was concentrated, powerfully, inside her right hand. She struggled to keep it there, struggled to keep it from exploding out of her in the form of fire.

_Just…just push it into your fingers…_

It felt like an impossible task. Surely Azula's two fingers weren't enough to contain that energy. But they had to be, and Azula was well used to performing tasks others thought of as impossible.

"I will bend the sky," she said aloud, her words barely a whisper as she focused intensely on those two fingers.

"I—will—bend—the—_sky_!"

The heat was all-consuming and all-intense. Azula couldn't breathe. She wasn't even sure she was still alive. Those two fingers seemed to be burning. It was pain, the most pure and concentrated form of pain she had ever experienced.

_I can't fail. Failure is not an option!_

Panic was beginning to cloud her mind. Azula thought desperately. She couldn't become panicked. Serenity. Peace. Those were the keys.

…How was she supposed to feel serene when her fingers were burning the way they were?

Abruptly, there was an image in her mind. Azula couldn't have said where it had come from. She wasn't aware of imagining it. It simply appeared there, fully formed.

An older Azula, beautiful and with long dark hair, was sitting on a throne. No, not any throne. She was in the throne room of the palace. Her robes were those of the Fire Lord.

Fire Lord Azula.

Her face was calm and intelligent, with only an edge of threatening cruelty. She oozed poise and confidence. At either side sat…yes, there were Mai and Ty Lee, also wearing robes, Ty at her right hand and Mai at her left. But even as the image remained, Mai and Ty disappeared, until it was only Azula, sitting on a remote throne in the midst of a blinding white light.

Azula wasn't thinking about her friends anymore. She wasn't thinking about her father. She was thinking of only one thing—the energy that was rushing through her blood. The dream was there. It was within reach. Serenity wasn't happiness. It was the pure absence of any other emotion.

Fire Lord Azula.

She will bend the sky.

The image faded and Azula looked down at her fingers. The heat had gone. The air was static and her hair was standing on end.

There was a thin aura of white, crackling electricity about her fingers.

She stared at them, unable to believe it. She didn't think she could move or breathe. It was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen, staring down at the lightning. Yet she wasn't excited or energetic. There was no emotion running through her whatsoever.

Azula had found serenity.

Her friends were staring at her as well, though they seemed to worry that speaking up would disrupt her concentration. Azula took several deep breaths in and out, almost unconsciously sending her fingers the energy they needed to maintain the current. Mentally, she pictured the movements she had seen the master perform a day ago.

Slowly, sinuously, Azula twisted her fingers in a snakelike circle about her body. Her fingers were tingling as she felt the charge running through them. The aura was growing, crackling and snapping. She could see the energy now, watch it moving and shaping itself about her fingers.

The sphere of sparkling electricity around her fingers was growing larger and larger. She watched it as if hypnotized. Then, when her fingers were directly perpendicular to the sky, she moved.

Azula steadied her form, spreading her legs apart on the grass, and then shoved her fingers high into the sky above her forehead. She pushed all the energy she could muster into those points. The electricity burst forth with a harsh, crackling sound. It shot into the sky, blinding for an instant, then disappearing into the atmosphere. Azula watched it go for an instant, and then the euphoria flooded her.

"I did it. I did it." She had expected herself to be able to, but to see it done seemed as miraculous as a dream. She had conjured it, shot it away, just as she had seen her father do. Nine years old, and Azula was a lightningbender.

"Azula, that was amazing!" Ty Lee ran over with her arms wide and her smile wider. "I've never seen anything like it! You should have seen how weird you looked with your hair all standing on end. Even Mai was impressed. Weren't you, Mai?"

Mai blinked. Her mouth moved for a second before the words came out, as if she was mentally rehearsing what she was about to say. "I've never seen anyone bend lightning before, Azula. But when you did it…when you released that energy…it looked like you were meant to do it. It looked so natural. You—you looked beautiful."

Azula closed her eyes and looked away, not wanting to let on how pleased she was by their compliments. It was something, wasn't it? She had done something to be proud of. She desperately wanted to forget her father and the generals and the previous day. But forgetting was impossible.

_I did it. I did it. I really ended up lightningbending_. Azula tilted her head back and stared up at the sky. Black hair flowed past her face. _But why couldn't I have done it yesterday?_

* * *

**A/N: Hi, everybody! To be honest, this isn't one of my favorite chapters, but I quite enjoy 23-25, so there are good things approaching for all of you readers. It's kind of hard to believe I'm in the twenties. We'll be crossing the 100,000 word mark soon, and that's really amazing to me! I've been able to stay motivated on this project because of my intense love of the show (and Azula), but also because of you guys. You've been so supportive and awesome and it makes me happy to see that so many of you are as interested in Azula's backstory as I am!**

**See you next week, my dears!**


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